I'm so tired today.
Last night I went out with NDN and his friends for his birthday. It was a great time. (Again, I'll post more about that later). But I've been thinking a lot about this whole dating issue. I don't want to go on the date with the taxi driver. I've been feeling depressed all week, and I think it's because I'm fighting myself on the whole Narc thing. I keep yelling at myself in my head that I need to move on and see other people, when in reality, I don't want to. I left a drunken post last night, and have since taken it down, but I came to a realization about all of this last night. I don't want to fight myself. I don't want to force myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. That doesn't mean I should hang out with Narc or answer the phone when he gets back. I just think I need some space for myself without any boy-drama. I think I just need to let things be quiet. If I can't get over my feelings for Narc, fine. As long as I don't act on them. But I'm certainly not going to force myself into situations in which I feel like I'm not being true to myself.
So that's my resolution for the moment.
The Shining is on TV, so I'm going to go watch the ending.
I'm really tired.
6 comments:
hyde, i thought this was a very mature and admirable insight. love hammer
Thanks Hammer. :) Sort of a version of the naturlich principle...
Good idea taking space for yourself...
This sounds like a much more constructive and positive idea than the one you expressed in the (now removed) post this morning.
Perhaps you're getting stuck in a sort of false dichotomy, where you feel like there are two options: see Narc or see someone else? I hope my encouragement to go to dinner with the taxi guy didn't re-enforce that notion. You don't have to see anyone right now, of course.
The Shining is one of my favorite movies and the first Kubrick movie I ever saw. Dammit, I miss going to the movies already and it's only been about six weeks!
If bumping into a tree doesn't hurt enough, buy a hammer and hit yourself over the head.
I really like the statement "Be true to yourself", its kinda how i've been lately... i think it is one of the only ways you will be happy. You have to let yourself get over the past before you move on.. or else nothing really gets a real chance... i liked this post
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