Labor Day and Change

I have to say-- it really does feel good to be back to work and to have a full plate. Without any effort, I majorly cut down on my alcohol last week. I went out drinking on Tuesday night and then not again until Friday. I drank a little bit on Sunday, but not much, as I don't really drink around my family. Not bad, eh? This week, I know I'll be too wiped out today and Thursday to go out and party. As for Wednesday night--I have choir rehearsal until 10:00 and I know I have to wake up early the next morning, so that won't be a drinking night either. That will bring me all the way to Friday again without a single weeknight on the bottle. I am feeling optimistic about all of that.

I just finished teaching my first two classes of the day-- we wrapped up the Persians and then went on to Classical Greece in the first. The second was a whirlwind tour of the Enlightenment.

Anyway, getting on with it...

Last week left me utterly exhausted on Thursday night and for most of Friday. I went to bed relatively early on Thursday, and like I said, lay in bed for the bulk of Friday morning crying about Katrina. But I donated $50.00 to the Red Cross and pulled myself together by mid-afternoon. I had heard news of a free Gretchen Wilson concert over in Union Square Park, so after that, as I know IrishBird loves her, I stopped by Cheers to give her the flyer. IrishBird was shocked to see me before noon. (It was kind of strange, I guess). She had to do some business for Cheers at a bank over on First Avenue, so I walked her there, and caught her up on my new semester along with the Narc situation. Then I took off for my voice lesson.

I have to say, my lessons are going remarkably well lately. While I'm still not quite in the place that I'd like to be, my voice is getting stronger and stronger (the more I sleep and the less coke I use) and I'd like to keep it that way. I really enjoyed my lesson, and afterwards headed back home to clean up my house a bit.

At around 5:00 or so, NDN called me and reminded me that he was organizing an event for the evening. He asked if I'd like to join him along with Oc and his friend Kar for a trip to the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria. I agreed to meet them at Cheers at 6:45 and to leave from there.

I had two drinks at Cheers and updated Oc on Narc while smoking outside. I hadn't seen Oc in a few weeks and so he didn't know anything about what had happened. While I look "back to normal" today, on Friday there was still a bit of swelling and discoloration under the makeup caked onto my left cheek. Shortly enough, we took off for Queens.

NDN has some interest in Kar, although not of the "long-term-relationship" type, but it was fascinating to see that at work. When we got to the beer hall, we met two actor friends of NDN's and a friend of theirs--Brad. The pitchers of beer were overflowing, but I for one am not a beer drinker. I stuck to my trusty Jack Daniels instead. A lot went on that night, but I'll skip to some of the highlights.

At one point, egged on by his friends at our table, NDN got up and started to dance around on the large platform in the center of the garden. Clearly, he was drunk, and after the look of surprise and slight shock on Kar's face, I decided to try to "save" him. I got up and whispered to him that he was embarrassing himself. He thanked me and went off for a pitcher of beer. But apparently his antics had earned the attention of the table adjacent to ours. When he returned, they clapped for him and a young lady said that she would have danced with him had he remained on the dance floor. This opportunity was too much for him to resist, so this time around, NDN and the woman from the neighboring table danced together. At one point he lifted her into the air, high above his head. He's lucky that he didn't drop her in the state that he was in! All of the excitement provoked a wider conversation between our two tables, and we moved over to sit with them.

There were some interesting characters at that table--a girl who told us her name was Rehtaeh (or "Heather" spelled backwards) and a guy who is studying as a classical composer at the Juilliard school, among others. Oc had the brilliant idea to go back to his loft in Greenpoint (which is in Brooklyn, for you non-New Yorkers) where we could make some film shorts. (Oc is a graduate of film school and an aspiring filmmaker). NDN's actor friends had already left, but we managed to convince Rehtaeh and the Composer to join us. Brad said that he had to make a pit-stop but that he would meet us later.

We piled into cabs headed for Brooklyn, and when we got there (after Kar and I made a drunken run to the liquor store) we went to chill on Oc's rooftop. It was weird, though. Once in Brooklyn, Rehtaeh and the Composer got all sullen and strange. NDN said that we "freaked them out." I can't imagine why-- I mean, we were all hyper and drunk, but no one did anything all that unusual. They left shortly and the films never got made. Brad called soon enough, driving over the Williamsburg Bridge and said that he needed directions. As the "directions" expert of the bunch, I was handed the phone, even though I don't know my way around Brooklyn at all. No matter-- drunk or not, with the help of Yahoo maps, I managed to get him to Oc's place.

After that, we just sat up on the roof and talked for hours. I had a "kick ass" time. (As noted in an earlier comment). At about 3:15 am or so, NDN, Kar and I decided it was time to head home. We left Brad to crash at Oc's place. After cabbing back into midtown, NDN and I went to see if Cheers was still open. They were closing up for the night, and I have to say--they were rather cranky about us coming in so late. Whatever... I said my hello's and NDN and I headed to Manchester. It was after 4:00 am, but Maeve served us a drink anyhow. I don't think we got home until nearly 5:00 am. All around, a stellar night. (AND one in which I refrained from any drunk-dialing or drunk-texting. Fantastic!)

On Saturday, as much as I would have liked to sleep in, I found myself awake by 9:00 am. I drank a few red bulls (my favorite item of the moment!) and I tried to rest up to let everything out of my system. It was a very relaxed day and I did a lot of reading for school. I cooked myself dinner, tidied up my house, and turned in early with Saturday Night Live and some Bill Mahr (a la HBO on demand). I didn't want to push it because I knew that Sunday would be a really full day--and it was!

NDN and I met up at 11:30 the next morning in the lobby, heading over to Penn Station where we met NiS and his girlfriend. My mom was throwing a huge Labor Day BBQ (combined with a sort of celebration for LilSis' engagement and BigSis' two-year anniversary which is today). We had perfect weather for the day. The guest list? My immediate family, my aunt and uncle, Bro-in-Law's family (including his sister, her husband and the two kids who I love to pieces!), Bro-in-Law's cousin and his wife (T&S), BigSis' friend from college (named "English"), several members of the W family, JBC's two friends, some nurses from my brother's hospital, and the people from my mom's office and their families. T&S are quite a trip. They're always talking about sex, sex, sex! I mean, you know me--I have no problem doing it, but talking about it is a whole other thing--especially at a family BBQ! I'd be surprised if they weren't swingers or something. When I asked "what was new," S told me that T had "just bought her her first lap dance ever!" She went on to complain that the strip bar they visited in Florida was a "no touching" place. Too bad!

Later on in the evening, as the W family and English started to get drunk, there were some interesting dynamics. English went on one date with AW a year or so ago, and that was playing itself out. Also, HW started saying some really strange things to me about relationships in general and about B in particular. On top of that, all of the W's thought that NDN and I were "together" and it was annoying to have to keep explaining that we're not. It's strange how some people have no qualms about putting their two cents in when it comes to your personal life.

Even later in the evening (and at this point it was probably around 11:30), my cell phone rang. It was the Narc! I thought I had made such progress writing him off in my head, and deciding to ban him forever more from my heart, but when the phone rang, my heart flipped over and I rushed to pick it up. I moved away from the crowd and sat in a dark corner of the deck in my mom's backyard. He was very clearly drunk.

"Is this Hyde, or is this her machine?" he asked.

"No, Narc. This is most definitely Hyde herself," I said.

"Well, I'm just calling to tell you I'm still alive," he slurred. "I'm still alive."

"That's good to know. I'm glad you called to tell me that. I thought you weren't talking to me."

"No! I was never not talking to you."

"Whatever, Narc. You know that you haven't been talking to me. You never answered my email from last week or my drunk-dial. It doesn't matter though. I know you're leaving on Tuesday."

"That's right. I'm leaving for a month..."

Then there was an awkward pause.

"So?" he began, "What are you doing right now?"

"If you want me to come see you, I can't. I'm at a party on Long Island."

"A party?"

"Yeah. A pool party."

"Oh, c'mon, Hyde! So, what? Should I cut you off? Should I cut you off?"

"What? I don't know, Narc... I'm not sure what you mean by that. But you're not going to see me tonight."

"Should I call you tomorrow?"

"If you want to..."

I felt strange. Unresolved, but somehow compelled. And I was very, very nervous.

"But I don't think I can see you tomorrow, either," I said. "I guess it'll have to wait for you to get back."

"Look, Hyde... What do you expect me to do? I should cut you off, right?"

Why did he keep repeating that? The conversation went on like that for a little while.

"What about your friends?" I asked. "How are you friends in New Orleans? Are they okay? I've been worrying about them. I know you have a lot of people there."

"Yeah... As far as I know, they all got out," he said.

"That's good."

"I should cut you off, though."

"What?"

"I should cut you off!"

And with that, he hung up on me. I guess that's what he meant by it.

I felt shaken up by the whole thing. NDN saw me sitting alone and came over to find out what had happened. I recounted the entire conversation to him. He reminded me of what an asshole Narc is. I know that. But I don't know how he manages to make me lose my nerve every single time. What's wrong with me???

Anyway, we moved over to sit with my sister, English, Bro-in-Law, T&S, LilSis and JBC. All of us had decided to spend the night at my mom's place. There was a particularly funny moment when English reached for a piece of steak believing it to be a brownie and was caught by surprise. We all had a good laugh. I had held out on alcohol all afternoon, but my nerves were shattered by the Narc-reappearance, so I drank a bottle of wine, which left me a little tipsy. Finally, at around 1:00 am, we all headed to bed. NDN and I were placed up in my step-brother's former room.

I was restless and wanted to send Narc a text. I knew that if I didn't he would forget that he had ever called me. I wanted him to know that he was the one who had issued the last drunk-phone call, and not me! I wrote to him:

Glad You called and glad to know you're still alive. Have a great trip. Either call me tomorrow like you said or I'll see you when you get back...Best always, -H

I know it was probably a weak thing to do, but whatever... I did it.
(By the way, NDN made me capitalize the "You." Ha!)

That night, as NDN and I were trying to sleep, Narc called me again and left a message. That was at about 2:30 am. He said:

Hey, Hyde. It's Narc. I um... Well, I don't know, I just um... I can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning and I'm pacing around. I'm smoking far more cigarettes than I should and I shouldn't even be calling you. I mean, I'm SURE. But... I'm taking off for a month in about a day. And I thought I would call you. Because you sent me a text. Um... I don't know why. You just did. So I'm calling you back. Um... Alright! If you get this in the next little bit, call me back. Otherwise I'll see you in a month, or whenever. Alright. Bye.

I didn't plan on calling him back. I mean, first of all, the man is either crazy or has more nerve than I've ever imagined. What does he mean that he's only calling me because I sent him a text? What does he mean when he says he doesn't know why I sent that text? Did he forget that he called me just three hours earlier? Or is this just another attempt to deny my reality and make it seem like I'm the needy one? I couldn't call him back. What else was there to say?

Of course, I had to wake up and check the message in the middle of the night. And of course, the message left me restless. That being the case, I growled when my mom tried to wake me up the next day. With no red bull in sight, I had to settle for coffee while NDN and I worked out our plans for the beach.

Soon enough, we were off. The weather was absolutely perfect for a beach day and the water was a sparkling blue-green. I did some reading for school and ate a snow-cone while NDN swam for a while and rolled in the sand. I tried to avoid the sunburn debacle of a few weeks ago, and aside from a patch I missed on my ankle, I did a pretty good job of it. At around 2:00 we headed back to my mom's place and watched an episode of Law & Order before catching the 4:30 train.

Last night B came over and we just hung out and caught up on stuff. He is getting pretty nervous about his Oral Exams this week, and I'm nervous for him! I fell asleep really early last night, well aware that it would be the last night that Narc and I are in the same city for quite some time, and wanting it to pass as quickly as possible.

This morning, teaching went fine, until I had an annoying student show up at my office hours and want to know why she got a "D" last semester. I checked my records and discovered it's because she never did the paper (which was 20% of her grade). She asked if she could do the assignment now, and I told her "no." I couldn't believe it! I would never be able to approach a teacher for a grade-change like that knowing that I hadn't completed the major assignment of the semester!

Anyway, I'm off to grab lunch and to finish the readings for my 4:00 class. Can't believe I got this post done in time!

-Hyde-