Recovery Room

Today was spent recovering.

I went out late last night... Way WAY later than I should have.

Overall, I had a fairly good day despite the chaos of my Tuesday/Thursday schedule. There was a slight crisis in the late afternoon in which the book store didn't have a book that I needed to read, nor did any bookstore in this whole fucking city! (I called them all). It also involved a rather frenzied phone call to the library in which I told a very unhelpful librarian to "fuck off" before hanging up on her. (Damn it, Hyde! Where is all that agression coming from?) I got over it though, and revised my plans. I was a little manic yesterday, but I think the energy played well in the classroom. For the second day in a row, a student stayed after to tell me he liked the class. (It was not the same student, mind you).

Last night on my way home I caught up with Hammer on the phone. Then I stopped in at Cheers. It was a strange night. Well, primarily because I was in a strange mood. Narc is gone. Gone from my city. He's just not here whether that's good for me or bad for me. He's not here, whether I want to call him or not. It felt strange. I've also been telling myself for the longest time that I'll cut off contact "when he leaves," that the drunk dialing will stop "when he goes on his trip," that I'll get serious about the whole thing. Now that that moment is here it's scaring me a little.

IrishBird and I took turns playing music on the jukebox and a man from Afghanistan commented on how much skin I was showing. (I was in jeans and a long sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up. And it was NOT low cut!) I also talked to a strange businessman who kept talking about having seen Bruce Springsteen at the Grammy Awards right after 9/11. He gave me his card. NDN stopped by and told me to "behave myself" (not in so many words). Towards the end of the night a man and woman came in together. I thought they were a couple, but it turns out that they were brother and sister.

I'm really too tired to go into any detail on last night's adventures, so I'll keep it brief. The brother, sister and I left the bar together and came back to my place where we coked up a little. They're visiting from Manchester and staying at a nearby hotel. Since they said they were from Manchester, I decided I had to take them to the Manchester pub. I have no fucking clue what time it was that we finally ventured back out, but it must have been late, because the pub was closed. Could it really have been 3:00-4:00 am at that point? I guess so... Instead we went to FuBar. After a little while there, the girl said that she wanted to take off and I ended up making out with her brother.

This morning I woke up to find myself still in my lace-up boots but without my pants, and wearing a different pair of underwear than what I had on the previous night. Venturing a little further, I found a used condom on the floor.

Lovely.

(I have to note, that I still haven't processed this--being with someone other than Narc. I mean, you all know I hooked up with the Stallion back in April, but it's only been Narc, Narc, Narc for the longest time! I feel all sorts of strange things right now--guilt primary among them. I haven't forgotten that he called me a "whore.")

Normally I'd ramble on longer about all of this, but I really don't have any energy right now. What woke me after just 3-4 hours of sleep? It was my therapist calling to tell me I was late for our phone appointment. I talked to her for an hour, but I was still drunk. It wasn't fun. In fact, it was a bitch to wake up to a used condom, a headache and a soul-searching conversation about my fucked up relationship with Narc.

Later, Hammer called and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. We ate some pretty bad food and then headed up to Columbia to go to the library together. We hung out for a chunk of the afternoon and then I went to my voice lesson. I sang well, but felt like shit all day today. I was running a fever (and still am) and Hammer said the whiskey smell hung on me all day long.

Yuck!

I really feel like I pushed myself too far yesterday, especially considering my new killer schedule, so I skipped choir and stayed at home tonight watching a million episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO In Demand.

That's it for now. It's not even 10:30 pm but I want to get into bed. I'm not feeling well and have a really long day tomorrow.

Good night!

-H-