Installments

I've been reduced to blogging in installments! I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to write again, but I'm on a lunch break right now. So I'm going to have to write in little drips until I have a better chunk of time. Here's Tuesday-Wednesday in a little more detail...

I've had a somewhat disheartening week. Well... nevermind that. It's actually been a pretty good week. I'm just really upset about yesterday's incident with B. I feel trapped under a rock in a lot of ways. B is angry at me and even though I understand why, I also don't know what to do about it. I literally feel like I'm under a rock that's too heavy for me to move, and he's there yelling at me: "Move that rock or I have nothing else to say to you!" Everything seems so much easier when you're a safe distance away from my head. I don't know what to say to my friends sometimes...

I sent him an email yesterday saying:
:( Sorry. I hate myself.

He texted me this morning:
I love my H.

But the shitty part is, that doesn't make it any better and I still feel trapped. I don't know what to do.

Anyway, the week started off well. Hammer and I had a blast on 24-night and then I really enjoyed my cabaret class on Tuesday. Before the class, I sang all afternoon at home (wasting a lot of time, but loving every minute of it!) Then, B came over for a few hours. I cooked him some food and liked being the nurturer. Finally, at class, I settled on singing Big Spender, which is totally uncharacteristic of me, given my shyness, but the class really seemed to like it. I always get a ride home from a classmate-- an extremely overweight gay man who sounds like Nathan Lane when he talks. He was encouraging me the whole ride home.

"You're no scrappy little thing," he said. "Use it to your advantage in that song! Throw your body behind it. Use those hips! You're sexy! Let them see it! The audience will adore you!"

Even though I had a lot of work to do that night, I wanted to stop by Cheers and say hi to IrishBird. I only drank soda though-- no booze.

PreppyGirl was there on a date with some boy. They had just been to see Hairspray. I also saw a fairly new regular-- FloridaMan. He seems to be a budding "suitor," although I have no interest in him at all. He lives in Florida, but his company has him working here for a few months and he goes back there on the weekends. It sounds exhausting! Anyway, I started to tell IrishBird about my week and I mentioned that I had a concert on Sunday.

"Really? Where was your concert?" she asked.

"At a church in the Village."

"You sing in a church?"

"Yeah..."

"A church, Hyde? A church???"

"Yeah! I rehearse in a church too-- every week."

She started to laugh. (IrishBird is "Catholic," but she's really more into Evangelical Christianity and stuff like that).

"I'm surprised its walls didn't fall down around you when you walked in," she joked.

"Hey! C'mon! I'm a multifaceted girl," I protested.

"Yeah, that's not too nice," PreppyGirl chimed in.

"You don't know the things that I know about her!" IrishBird told PreppyGirl, winking at me.

I was a little annoyed at the turn of conversation, but it seemed to make PreppyGirl a little jealous. I think she has an "Anxious" complex and likes to compete in "who's more wild."

Of course this whole conversation only did more to pique the interest of FloridaMan who was seated to my right, and was now imagining just what it was that IrishBird knew about me that would crumble a church to its foundation. He called me by my name, specifically, and asked if he could buy me a drink.

"I'm not drinking tonight, but thanks."

I told IrishBird that I was going to hear BarMan play in the Village the next night.

"Will you be back here Thursday?" FloridaMan asked me.

"Um, probably... don't know... not sure."

I left shortly after that.

Back at home, I tried to grade some exams, but couldn't get myself to do much due to utter exhaustion. So I went to bed at midnight and set the alarm to get up at 5:00 am the next day.

Yes, the next morning I felt "Dying...!" (In the illustrious words of Narc!) but I finished that stack of exams and made it through my morning teaching. After my office hours I went home to vegetate with Tuesday night's Idol and texted with Narc a bit.

The afternoon passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for me to set off for a four hour choir practice. I knew I would be going straight to BarMan's show afterwards, so I got dressed nicely (and did some gorgeous blue eye makeup).

Wednesday night turned into some more Narc-drama.

...To be continued...