All That is Solid Melts Into Air: Part II

Well, the good thing is, I'm in a much better mood today than I was yesterday! I ended my last post by saying that I felt "somehow unclean." I think it was with good reason-- I actually was unclean. Bars and sex without an immediate shower to follow can do that to a girl. And after I showered yesterday afternoon, I immediately began to feel more like myself. B came by for two hours or so, and that also did a great deal to cheer me up. And then I finished the night with my cabaret class (which I LOVE) and dinner at Cheers (sipping diet cokes and talking to BarMan). I also read the first part of Narc's screenplay, but more on that later. For now, I'd like to take you back to where I left off--my tale about Saturday night.

If you recall, I spent all day Saturday with Narc. We had been out late on Friday night, and he had brought up TT to me, telling me that it might not be "moral" for us to continue having sex. I made it pretty clear that I wanted to continue having sex with him though, and he seemed to have shed all of his reservations by the morning.

I had invited TT to my friend's birthday party, but had not yet made a specific plan with him. So when Narc and I parted ways after the hardware store, I gave him a call. Since the party was set for Mehanata 416 BC (the Bulgarian Club at Broadway and Canal), I suggested that we meet for dinner at Bar 89 on Mercer. He agreed and I headed back to my place.

B came over for a few hours and brought his cello! He's a beginner, but was excited to show me how much he's improved in recent months. He also brought a book of easy piano/cello duets, so we were able to play together. It was so much fun!!! My favorites were a Pavane by Handel and Mozart's Ave Verum, a former favorite among my college choir friends. He had to go by 7:00 and I had to get ready for my date.

I was getting psyched for a night out on the town (if you recall from my post, Bring on the Men!) and was set to leave the house at around 8:30. In true Hyde-form, I wanted a drink before heading downtown. Of course, I went to Cheers, but they were closed for a private party until 9:00! I was distressed, so I headed to the Overlook instead. The bouncer there remembered me from when I had been there with Anxious the Saturday before and told me that I have "pretty eyes." Thanks! I had one double jack & diet and then caught a cab to meet TT.

He texted me that he was already waiting and had gone into another bar down in SoHo to get a beer until I arrived. I told him I would meet him there. He was very sweet. There was only one barstool available, so he stood and offered it to me. He also bought me a drink. He said he had walked past Bar 89 and that it was very crowded, so he suggested heading to Little Italy instead. He used to live on Canal Street and knew of a great restaurant in the area. I agreed. On our way out, he held up my coat for me to put it on. A woman sitting next to us at the end of the bar started to say something to me. It turned out that she was incoherently drunk. She said something about "snow." She looked like a sad soul. I felt uneasy... Ever since my St. Lucy dream, I've been feeling more superstitious, and it felt like some sort of bad omen.

Anyway, we took a cab the short distance to La Mela Restaurant on Mulberry. TT was telling me about some strange sausage they have hanging from the ceiling. If you pull on a string, the sausage hits a bell and two light bulbs at its base light up. (You can imagine what that looks like, right?) So when we walked in, I asked where it was, and the maitre d' laughed and told me I should "ring it;" so I did. The restaurant is family style and there were no menus. Instead, the waiters just bring you food until you can't eat anymore. They start with a course of antipasto, then bring pasta, then meat and so on. I had two glasses of wine. By the time we finished the pasta course, I couldn't eat any more and neither could TT. It was a lot of food.

In terms of me and TT, I still feel like we don't entirely "click." Conversation never flows very easily, and this was our fourth date. Even so, he is a very nice guy, so I'm not entirely sure what to think. It's incredibly difficult for me to sort out what I'm feeling for TT from what I feel about Narc. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm being too harsh on him and not giving him a chance because of everything with Narc. Another part of me thinks that maybe I'm giving him too much of a chance because TT and I just may not have chemistry, but I think my vision is clouded by Narc.

Anyway, he paid for dinner and we set off for the "Bulgarian bar." Hammer and her friends were in the neighborhood having a "girl's night," and I told her to meet me and TT at the party. They got there first and were pissed off that there was a $10 cover to get in. As we walked there, TT held my hand, which made me a little uncomfortable. To me that's a major intimacy, but I let him do it anyway. (My therapist doesn't understand how I find hand-holding more intimate than sex, but in a lot of ways I do!). When we stopped at a street corner to wait for the light, he started to kiss me. He made some comment about how he didn't want the light to ever change, and then at the next corner he did it again. I, again, had mixed feelings. Was I kissing him because I wanted to? Because I thought I was supposed to? Because he wanted me to? Because I felt guilty? I do feel guilty. I know that I'm not starting this thing with him with a clean slate. There is the "lie" of Narc hanging between us.

When we got to the bar, there was a line to get in. Some guy on line in front of us was really drunk and swaying back and forth. Again, it made me feel strangely uneasy. I paid the cover for TT, as he had paid for everything else so far.

Once inside, there was a huge crowd. It was a strange place. The decor was incredibly tacky with wood-paneled walls and blinking Christmas lights. There was a disco-ball hanging over a packed dance floor, Eastern-European techno music blaring and a bar in the back of the room serving drinks out of plastic cups. Near the entrance there were a few couch-lined booths to rest from the dancing.

I led TT towards the back of the bar to get a drink (first things first!), scanning the crowd for friends along the way. I saw one friend--JKd and we talked for a few minutes at the bar. I introduced him to TT. Then I decided to try to find the birthday girl. TT and I pushed our way back towards the entrance where I found her. I haven't seen her in an entire year, so she was delighted to see me. She was already drunk and greeted TT with a hug as if she had known him forever. Her level of familiarity with him made it clear that she thought he was my boyfriend-- an obvious assumption, I guess, for someone who hasn't seen me in a year.

Then I heard a familiar voice from behind. It was Hammer! She was there with three friends (who I will wait to name until she passes along code names). We made all of the introductions and then headed over to one of the booths because it was really hard to dance on the dance floor. We stayed there for a while, but it really wasn't a great scene-- too crowded, too cheesy and too hard to get to the alcohol for my liking. Two of Hammer's friends had to leave early. Hammer (or her friend, Sissy) suggested that we relocate to Marie's Crisis-- a piano bar in the Village. (It's a strange name, so I looked it up once. It used to be an inn in the times of the American Revolution, and Thomas Paine stayed there and wrote a few tracts). Today it's basically a piano bar for people who really, really love show tunes. That includes me and Hammer and "Sissy" (who is an actress/singer), but unfortunately, that does not include TT. He was a good sport, though, and had no objections to the change of locale.

When we left Mehanata there was a little competition catching a cab. (Saturday nights downtown can get like that!) It's then that I realized that I had not one, but two texts from Narc! And he knew I was on a date with TT! My stomach flipped. Here's what he said:

Sent 11:38 pm: Yes! Photos are up, cubes are installed, the apartment is perfect... And now I must leave it! The night air beckons. To the Blue Goose (with book) I go!

Sent 12:33 am: Blue Goose was packed! How's the Bulgarian spot?

Of course, I wasn't going to answer him in the middle of my date, but I passed the phone to show them to Hammer. As she was holding the phone it started to ring. It was the Stallion! (I said "Bring on the Men," didn't I?) He was calling me because of my cryptic plea for help via text-message the night before.

"Stallion! Where have you been? I texted you Valentine's Day and you never responded! I thought you weren't talking to me anymore or something!" I exclaimed.

"No! Not at all... I was just having problems with my phone. Of course I'm talking to you."

(I didn't believe that, but whatever...)

"Look, Hyde, I can't talk right now, but can I give you a call tomorrow?"

"Of course!"

And with that I hung up. (I never heard from him the next day).

After that, we finally got a cab and landed in the West Village.

I have to say, I had a smashing time at the piano bar. The piano player sits in the middle of the room and picks a show, running through all of the songs. The patrons get drunk and stand around and sing in chorus. She picked old shows-- shows I knew all the words to, so I was very happy! I was even happier when she took my request and started playing West Side Story. It's sad to say, but TT kind of faded into the background at that point. As Hammer pointed out-- "He's 6'4", but you hardly knew he was there!" I felt a little guilty having him out with the theater crowd and out of his element, so every time he wanted to kiss me, I kissed him. Hammer kept nudging me and asked me why I was kissing him.

At 1:53 am I got ANOTHER text from Narc. I guess, because I hadn't replied to the earlier messages he wrote: ?

There were a few interesting characters around the piano bar, including a boy that reminded Hammer of B. I was feeling bold, so I introduced myself to him. He and his friend were both undergrads at Columbia! Then there was an older man at the bar who kept staring at Hammer. He was with a woman who kept twitching her nose like a rabbit as she sang. I told Hammer that the guy was definitely "steal-able." I was drunk and feeling brazen, and so I thought it was funny. I introduced myself to him and then introduced Hammer and the crew. You might be wondering where TT was during all of this? He was right next to me. He was just strangely not a big presence. Hammer sent me a text in reference to my flirtation with the older guy: You are stealing.

At some point, (and I honestly don't remember how this came up) TT backhandedly asked me about "sex." I told him that I needed everything to go slow.

"Is there something going on that I should know about?" he asked. "Because last time, you implied that there was some issue here..."

"No! Not at all!" I said.

(Okay, so I'm a total liar, but really-- am I OBLIGATED to share my personal life with this guy that I hardly know just because he shelled out a few bucks for dinner and drinks? I already gave him a blow job... isn't that enough to hold for a while?)

I basically told him that I'm in a little bit of a transition, that's all.

"Does this have anything to do with that guy you mentioned the night I met you back in January?" he asked. "The one who takes you for granted?"

"Um, sort of... Well, no... Look... I don't want to talk about this. I just need to take things slow."

"Alright," he said.

At around 2:30, TT was wiped out. He asked if I wanted him to take me home.

"I don't want to drag you away from here, though," he said. "You seem to be having fun."

I really did want to stay at the bar with the girls, and I told him so. (Was that terribly rude of me? Or was it rude of him to leave before I was ready to?) In any case, he said his goodbyes and then there were three.

The man and the rabbit-woman also left before long and another interesting pair took their seats at the edge of the piano. The guy had dimples and Hammer liked him. He seemed very into his girlfriend though-- not quite as "steal-able." By this time it was 3:00 am. Hammer started to miss the Wizard. It was sad, but she did a great job of riding it out and not caving in to her impulse to call him. I told her that if she needed to text him something to text it to me instead. So she did.

She wrote:
To Wiz I would say your femurs are long. To the boy I'd say your dimples are cute.

I thought her text was very cute. She and Sissy decided to leave not long after. They were hungry and wanted to get pizza. I wanted to stay out at the bar. I was waiting for the pianist to play "If I Loved You." So the girls took off and then there was one. I was still talking to "Dimples" and his girlfriend.

Hammer texted again:
You can give him my number.

Ha ha! (Obviously, I didn't...)

At around 3:20, I got a text from Double-T. He had arrived home safe and sound: Don't wreck your voice singing all night... but have fun! he wrote.

I was drunk and in the bar alone, and pointed as much out to the pianist who thankfully played my song for me so I could leave. I ripped into it and did a fabulous job and got waves of applause and pats on the back and it was quite a lovely boost to my oft-decimated self-esteem.

Then I looked at my watch. It was 3:40 am. Shit. If I wanted to end the night at Cheers, I'd have to move it. I dashed out of the bar, like a drunken Cinderella racing against the clock. Luckily, I found a cab pretty quickly. But when I got to Cheers the lights were on and last call had already been "called."

"BarMan, isn't there anything you can do for me?" I implored him.

"Yeah, just keep it on the down low," he said, pouring me a drink and hiding it behind a napkin holder.

ThursdayGirl came over to say hello. I told her about my date with Double-T and about how I was confused by having spent every single day that week with Narc.

"Hyde! I thought you weren't seeing him anymore."

"Who the fuck knows," I said.

I only stayed there for another twenty minutes or so before they were ready to close up shop. I ran to the deli for some food, and in a fog made my way home. At around 5:00 am I hit the sheets. Two nights in a row like that? Not a good thing for Dr. Jekyll's singing career.

Well... that's the story of my date with TT. I still need to tell you about Sunday's trip to Brighton Beach with NDN and a little more of the Narc drama that ensued, but that's it for now. It's time for me to get some lunch...

:)

h