Three in One

Yesterday was a wild day for me.

The Hydey-trinity: Narc, Stallion and Double-T!

The story? Here is goes (and it's a long one! But worth it, I think)...

The whole first half of the week, I felt strange. Strange and lonely. I hate being single when I'm sick. On Monday night I was alone for 24. (Hammer had the Purim party where she met MiniMan). Narc called at around 11:00 that night, but I was too sick to see him.

On Tuesday B came over in the afternoon. Sometimes I feel like he's doing me a "favor" by hanging out with me (since it's such an inconvenience to him and poor Drippy!) and I don't like that feeling. That night, I watched American Idol alone. Again, I was lonely. I texted Narc to see what he thought of the performances. No reply.

Okay, I thought. So Narc is back into "ignore Hyde" mode!

Wednesday was my first day out of the sick bed and back to work. I taught my early morning class and headed home to vegetate after that, still not back to feeling myself. On the way home I stopped to pick up some paychecks. (In typical Hyde fashion, I failed to pick up four paychecks last semester. I had a big student loan sitting in my bank account, so I wasn't hurting for the cash, and it's a pain in the ass to go to the bursar's office. The problem is that the checks got cancelled when I didn't pick them up, and to re-issue them, I had to wait six to eight weeks. That made for some pressure in January and February when my loan money had dwindled and the paychecks had not yet been returned. I finally got them on Wednesday). Anyway, I stopped at Staples on my way home and had my arms filled with office supplies as I approached my building. My headphones turned to full volume, so I didn't understand what was going on when the doorman tried to wave me down. It turns out that I arrived in the nick of time! A guy from Con Ed was there in the building lobby telling the doorman he had to turn off my electricity because I hadn't paid my bill.

Wait-- What?!?!

Again, sheer Hyde disorganization and nothing more was the culprit. (I toss my mail in the kitchen upon its arrival and regularly forget to rummage through it for bills). I had a hefty bill to pay-- near $500, but I wrote the guy a check then and there. Thank god the lost paychecks had come in that morning, or I'd be on near empty in my bank account right about now!

Anyway, Wednesday afternoon I sent Narc another text. Again-- no reply. I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. I was certain he was on the retreat. Despite myself, I was crestfallen. And anxious. Crestfallen and anxious. Anxious and crestfallen-- not a good combination. Not a good way to be. I skipped choir, my heart in my throat and my throat still sore. Instead I went to Cheers.

I was determined to stay mellow. I wrote a lot in my journal and re-read Narc's screenplay. (I still want to post about that... a lot of thoughts on the matter). I sipped my double jack and diets as slowly as I could and I listened to old voice messages from Narc. (I'm such a fucking sap!) And I felt brokenhearted. I was sad. The world was slow. Three smarmy old Irish guys were making way too much noise at the end of the bar and were lusting after IrishBird. I felt so bad for her, having to put up with their slobbering gross-ness and smile as if she liked it. They were annoying me. That was my mood.

At around midnight, PumpedUp came in like a gust of fresh air. He was drunk and in a good mood.

"Hyde!" he clapped me on the back. "The next one's on me! And make it a double!"

When IrishBird delivered the drink, he seized it and took two big gulps before passing it over. Very unlike him!

"Strong enough for ya?" IrishBird laughed.

The place had nearly emptied out, and so PumpedUp started buying shots for the whole joint. (I think they were Guinness shots.) Well, also in typical Hyde fashion, I had to raise the stakes. If we were doing shots, we should be doing shots! So I ordered a few shots of Jager. Again, PumpedUp slapped me on the back.

"I can always count on you to take it up a notch, Hyde!"

I laughed, but knew I was getting drunk too fast. I ended up bombed on alcohol and brokenhearted. Another lousy combination, but a familiar one. Yes! It's one I know quite well! (I seem to prefer it to "anxious and crestfallen.") I sent Narc another text.

Guess what? I'm still up and I want to fuck you!

Obviously it was an alcohol-colored text. Then I came home and "drlogged" an alcohol colored post that made no sense to me in the morning, and so I removed it. I also ate some potato chips. D'oh! Don't you just love drunk-decision making?

The next morning, my eyes were stuck shut-- not from an infection, but from the pounds of gooey mascara that had looked so lovely the night before. (I had a black and gold thing going on). Facing myself in the mirror, I looked absolutely ghoulish! My mouth was parched and my throat hurt again. My cell phone hadn't been plugged in. I had to assess what had happened the night before. I stumbled into the living room, found the phone, erased the drunk post and gulped down some water. I found a red bull and gratefully guzzled it, noticing that I had drunk-emailed the Stallion.


Hyde: Hey! So, here's your email! What time is good for you for lunch? Later is better for me... around 2:30 or so. What neighborhood are you in? I'm quasi-flexible. Let me know what you think... :) -Hyde

Stallion: Later is better for me also. How about 3:00 pm @ dojo's on st marks between 2nd and 3rd. I look forward to seeing ya !!!

Hyde: Sounds perfect! That's where I met you a few summers ago... remember??? love, h

Stallion: That is pretty funny. I honestly didn't even make the connection. I guess we really do come full circle, or maybe for a fresh start ya know. Or to dust off our goblet of joy who knows. Have no idea where that last one came from. Possibly because I'm up at 2:00 am sitting at my computer like a dork as usual. Well see ya tomorrow:)

I didn't remember any of that, but I don't think he could tell how drunk I was. Then I checked my voice mail. There was a 2:30 am message left by Narc:

Hydeeeeen! It's Narc. It's about 2:30 and I am crashed out. Got CouchSleeper on my couch and all that stuff. Spent the whole evening out. But um... I want you to come wake me up tomorrow morning when you're done with your teaching obligations. I, um... yeah. I just want you to come over and wake me up... somehow. So, you should do that. I don't have much more for you. Don't call me back. Just come over and wake me up. Alright. Bye.

Score!

I was happy. I love Narc, and I want to let myself be in love and stop fighting myself in my own head. It's damn exhausting to try to control one's thoughts and feelings.

ROUND 1:

Dizzy from the alcohol, I pulled myself together the best I could, even throwing on high heels (as I know the Stallion has a shoe-thing.) Half stumbling out the door, I quickly grabbed a cab, chatting with Hammer the whole ride down about SingMan, MiniMan, Timesy and my day with three dates! (Yes, the girls are in boy-crazy mode a little).

When the cab pulled off the FDR, there was so much traffic and I couldn't sit and wait. I had to get to Narc. So I got out of the cab at around Wall Street. There I was in the bustle of the financial district, everyone purposefully hustling to work, me in a daze on my way to meet my "lover," still gossiping on the phone with Hammer.

When I arrived, I told Narc's doorman to keep buzzing him until he woke up. He laughed at me. I wonder what the doormen over there think of Narc's depraved lifestyle. In any case, they're starting to remember my name. Out of the elevator, Narc was waiting for me at the door, scruffy, hungover and in his boxers.

"CouchSleeper's asleep," he said. "I didn't want you to ring the bell."

He led me into his bedroom and started to kiss me immediately.

Woah! Intense.

I took off my clothes and crawled into bed with him. He kissed me again, as if he loved me-- on the forehead, on the eyes, on the cheeks, on the tip of my nose. And then he kissed my mouth hard--so hard, like he needed me desperately. I wished that it would bruise my lips so that I could remember the kiss forever. I wanted it to hurt like my heart was hurting. With sweet pain. He wanted "forever" too... wanting to stay inside of me. It was nice.

Afterwards, he held me close and fell back asleep. I couldn't sleep. So I just lay there. I stayed like that for a while, but before long, I got bored. So I texted Hammer. We went back and forth for a while. Then I got up and ventured into the bathroom to fix my sex-smudged makeup. CouchSleeper was still sprawled, mouth a gape, on the couch.

Back in Narc's room, I checked my email. Damn it! I really wanted him to wake up!

So I stripped down again and got back in the bed. He did "wake up" and we were at it again. This time he was intense and rougher. He put his hand over my mouth so that CouchSleeper wouldn't hear us. Afterwards, he collapsed on top of me. Fucking awesome.

Twenty minutes passed and he was up again. It was an incredible morning. I don't know what got into him! But I felt so totally and completely in love with him. I want to take care of him. I want it so badly, but he won't let me. I was filled with a sweet ache pressing on my heart. I kissed him everywhere and stroked his hair.

Then another 20 minutes passed and he was up and wanting more, more, more yet again! I just abandoned myself to him.

When it was all done, I checked my watch. It was nearly 2:00 pm and I had to meet the Stallion on St. Mark's at 3:00. I had to get up.

"I've got to go soon," I said.

"Oh no! Why?"

"Meeting a friend for lunch..."

I asked him what he had been up to for the past two days.

"Partying with James and CouchSleeper Tuesday night," he said. "We started in the East Village. Then we headed to Milk and Honey, but we were wasted and that's a small, quiet space. It's chill there. So I felt kind of bad. We were being loud, and James was getting especially out of control. He was all over some waitress."

"I'm surprised his wife let him out with you guys this time."

"She gave him a 12:30 am curfew. CouchSleeper and I left him at Milk and Honey. We wanted to go. He wouldn't come with, so... Then we went to the Patriot."

"The Patriot? Yay! Did you play the jukebox?"

"Um, no, Hyde..." he gave me a squeeze. "That's your thing. Not much for me there. Anyway, James called at like 1:00 am and was all-- 'You guys left me! Where are you?' But he was home and we wouldn't tell him which bar we were at. No one wants to feel the wrath of his wife! She's a psycho. Then CouchSleeper and I got wasted and crashed out late."

"That was Tuesday?"

"Yeah... "

"What about last night?"

"I don't know... Wednesday we woke up at 4:00 and hung out here. Then we met M for dinner at Yucca and then back to the Patriot again til closing."

"Wow. You must be tired."

"I am."

So that's what Narc had been doing while I was pining. And that's why he never answered my texts. He was just doing what Narc does. Why am I so insecure? Fucking fear of abandonment rearing it's ugly head!

I told Narc a little bit about Hammer's adventures with SingMan. He laughed. Finally I pulled myself up and out of bed. CouchSleeper had moved and was obviously awake, but had his head hidden under the blanket to make it less awkward for me. When I emerged from the bathroom "reconstructed" he was sitting on the couch.

"How are you doing Hyde?" he smiled. (I haven't seen him in at least 7-8 months!)

"Good... good... You?"

"I'm good."

Narc was in jeans and a white t-shirt, refilling the water filter in the kitchen. I tried to make some more polite chit-chat with them, but it was weird. Someone said something about Chinese food. Narc said he wanted a new cell phone It was 2:45. I had to go.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, boys!" I called as a breezed out the door.

"Yeah-- enjoy your lunch," said Narc.

"Nice seeing ya!" CouchSleeper waved.

And I was out.

ROUND 2:

I can't believe I was heading to meet the Stallion with the taste of Narc still in my mouth, but I was. I wished I weren't. I didn't want the date. I wanted to stay with Narc, with whom I'm in love! But a plan is a plan and a date is a date. I called Hammer in the cab and headed into round 2.

The Stallion wanted to meet at Dojo (kind of lame, as Hammer pointed out) and I got there before him. I waited at the bar. When he came in, he grabbed me and hugged me.

"I just want to squeeze ya!" he said.

I smiled, but felt awkward. (Yes, NDN-- awkward! Awkward!)

He leaned in for a little kiss. The bad thing about kissing someone as dark as the Stallion is that if I've just powdered, my makeup rubs off on his skin and shows up. I hate that.

"So, what have you been up to, girl?"

"I don't know... same old, same old... teaching, singing... you know..."

The Stallion had wanted a daylight meeting. What he didn't know is that he was getting Jekyll. Jekyll doesn't think or act like Hyde and Jekyll doesn't have much use for the Stallion.

Conversation over lunch felt forced. I talked about what I teach. He didn't have much to say about that. I asked him what he's been doing in terms of work.

"Researching companies and investing in them," he said.

I don't know what that means, or if it even means anything at all!

"Oh, cool..." I replied.

He asked me if I was still seeing "that guy."

"Yeah, sort of... What about you? Still with your girlfriend?"

"Um, yeah... It's there. You know? I mean, it's just there. I love her family!" he explained. "Her dad and I are tight. He's awesome."

"Is she still in California?"

"No. She's in NY now."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow.

Then we went back to forced conversation about nothing.

Whenever there was a lull, he told me how pretty I looked, how sexy I am, etc. Honestly? I didn't need to hear that from him and I didn't care. I was in love with Narc. I am in love with Narc. More and more and more. So, why was I there? He also kept telling me how nice it was to see me in "daylight," how the sun was making my eyes a particularly beautiful brown. It was just words. I didn't feel pretty. I felt ugly. I felt uncomfortable. I felt high strung... tight. And like I was talking too fast with nothing at all to say.

After lunch the Stallion wanted to go for a walk. He put his arm around my waist and rubbed his hand up and down my back. We were walking up Second Avenue. He was telling me something about his fourth grade teacher and when he learned the word "inebriated." From there, he started telling me how he thinks he fried his brain out in San Diego.

"Too many drugs?" I asked.

"Too much partying in general... And laying around in the sun."

We walked up to a park on 15th and Second and sat down. The Stallion doesn't like pigeons. Neither do I. (Neither does NDN.) I was leaning up against him.

"Look at us!" he said. "Everybody is checking you out!"

Um... not really.

I still felt sex-smeared from Narc. But his comment made me think of Hammer and the Wizard. He always thought every man was madly in love with her. It would fuel his jealous rages.

The Stallion had to pee and I knew of a Starbucks on 15th and Third, so I suggested we go over there. While I was waiting for him, I hummed along with the radio. It was Soave sia il vento from Cosi fan tutte. When he came out, he put his arms around me from behind.

"I hear you singing, girl! I still have to hear you do your opera thing sometime."

I agreed.

We started to walk up Third. Conversation was still difficult. I told him I'm brainstorming what to do with myself this summer, but that I have to make some money.

"I know a thing or two you could do for money!" he smiled.

"Oh, do you?"

"Yeah... I can think of a few things you're good at." He winked at me.

"What? I should go into business?"

"I could pimp for you!" he laughed. "60-40's fair, right? 60 for me, 40 for you!"

I laughed with him, but it was a dishonest laugh. His joke pissed me off. I didn't take it as a sexual compliment, which is how (I guess?) it was intended. I thought it was disrespectful.

We were walking arm in arm and I pointed out that his stride was so long.

"It's your size!" I said.

Then he made some kind of off-putting sexual innuendo about how huge his dick is. I don't remember exactly how he said it.

Anyway, he stopped me on the street and started kissing me. I know it's kind of gross, but I kept thinking that Narc had come in my mouth that morning and that I hadn't brushed my teeth.

"I couldn't hold out any longer," the Stallion said, grabbing me around the waist. "I just had to do that. I had to see how long I could go without kissing you, and that's it."

I smiled and laughed and kissed back, but it felt wrong. It was a false self. I felt stiff. I didn't want him. I betrayed myself... compromised myself. I didn't feel good.

At around 29th street, we got on the uptown bus. He was telling me about his two kittens that he had rescued off the street. Some woman sitting near us turned around with some advice about where to get them spayed. I felt grimy and was ready for the date to end, but there we were on the bus heading towards my home. I was going to have to find a way out of his play for sex that was surely on the way.

In the meanwhile, I completely forgot about a scheduled hang-out with B! In lieu of our 24 nights, B offered a regular Tuesday/Thursday date at around 5:00 pm for a few hours. The problem for me is that I don't have fixed a schedule on those days and it's hard for me to remember to be home. I stood him up last week (I was with Narc) and yesterday I had to request pushing our meeting even later. But even though B was pissed at me, meeting him was a good excuse to get rid of the Stallion.

Back at my apartment there was a lot more kissing and I needed a more immediate way out.

"Wanna hear me sing?" I asked.

I sang him an aria and he said it was beautiful, but he looked uninterested. That loses major points with me. When he tried to get physical again, I teasingly pushed him away.

"You're the one who wanted to meet in the daylight and make this more of a 'friendship,' so we'll have to control ourselves," I said.

I want you to go home and I want to be back with Narc RIGHT NOW! is what I wanted to say.

Just then, B called.

"I'm at Padelson's but I'll be there in 20 minutes."

The Stallion took that as his cue to leave.

B and I only hung out for an hour or so. I told him about my new idea--to stop fighting myself for loving Narc. It's exhausting.

"And I need to stop being so insecure about him, you know?" I went on. "It's a limited relationship, yes. But it's not going away. All of that anxiety I had on Wednesday before going to Cheers-- it was fear and frustration. All I need to do is negate the self and eliminate desire and longing!"

We both had a good laugh at that.

When he headed out, I had to regroup. I sent Narc a dorky text (based on the naturlich principle!): I had a fun morning with you. :)

Now what? An hour and a half until Double-T. Top priority had to go to showering and brushing teeth. GO! There wasn't much time to spare, but I managed to get fresh and gorgeous for the date, watch a recorded episode of Wife Swap and talk to Shorty for a few minutes on the phone.

ROUND 3:

I had asked Double-T to come to my neighborhood and told him that dinner would be my treat. (He's paid for a lot so far, so I thought it would be nice to get him back). We planned to meet at East where it was Thursday night-Salmon night again. On my way there, I got a text from Narc!

Going to see "V for Vendetta" at 10 if you want to come!

I wrote back immediately:

Oh! Would love to, but I have plans. :( Grrr. Let me know how it is. Call or text later...

As I was walking to the restaurant and fiddling with my cell phone, I saw the long shadow of a man behind me on the street. As a street-smart girl, I turned to assess the lurker and saw that it was TT!

"Hey, what's up?" I said casually.

"No kiss?" he asked.

Oh yeah... I forgot I was supposed to be in "date-mode."

I stopped and let him kiss me. He tried way too much tongue for that early in the night. Yuck. I was too sober for that. I felt detached from him. I just really don't feel chemistry with this guy, and it's so hard to let myself be touched and kissed that way.

We headed into the restaurant. He looked skeptical. He said that he's wary about sushi. Who doesn't eat sushi these days! I pointed out that there were a lot of other things on the menu. Still, I got the impression that he was not happy with the restaurant.

"We can go somewhere else, if you want..." I offered.

"No. It'll be okay."

I was unimpressed with his fussiness. Oh, he also asked for a fork instead of chopsticks. If you live in New York City, you need to cultivate some minimal chopstick skills to be socially acceptable!

Conversation was "okay" over dinner. I was interested in what he had to say about the funeral he had just been to, his time in film school, how he got into broadcasting and television stuff, etc. But I felt like when I was talking he looked bored.

Bored?!?!

That's unacceptable to me. I'm a firecracker and if he wasn't interested, it's another sign of bad chemistry. Then again, maybe he was just tired or run down. My food was good, though, and I ate heartily.

Off to Cheers to cap the night.

Once we were back on the street, he stopped me to kiss again. All I saw was that dreamy-eyed "about to kiss" face coming towards me (the one Hammer does such a brilliant impression of!) and I braced myself for it. I let myself kiss and be kissed, but I again felt compromised and dishonest. Damn sobriety!

Outside of Cheers there was a lot of action-- everyone setting up for the big St. Patty's Day. BarMan is hosting karaoke today starting at 3:00 pm and going til closing! Damn!

TT and I took a seat not far from the "stage" and he bought us drinks. There were some older ladies from Scotland singing "Lipstick on your Collar." It was hard to talk with the noise, but back in my element with some alcohol in me I started to feel good. TT was fading into the background.

Just then, who walked into the bar? JFig! She was with her mom and boyfriend ("the man responsible for ending my marriage," as she put it to me). I gave TT the heads up on her.

"I know that woman, and she's a little crazy," I said. "I'm just warning you. And she's gonna come over here for sure."

Sure enough, she did. She was wacked out-- drunk or high or both, and incoherent. We made our introductions.

She started dancing wildly, shaking her ass and trying to pole dance, swinging her legs in the air. Cheers is an Irish PUB, people! And this woman is in her 40's AND her mother was there!

I tried to tell TT the story of how I met her and he looked at me strangely.

"No, seriously!" I said. "I thought I was crazy and had substance issues until I met her!"

(Maybe that's not such a slick thing to tell a guy on a date, but I don't care. I really don't.)

Anyway, JFig was putting on quite a floor show. I got up to sing "Heaven is a Place on Earth" and kicked some ass on it. Afterwards, JFig grabbed my arm in front of the table with the Scottish ladies.

"I know her! I know her!" she said, pointing at me with glee. "She's my friend! Isn't she greeeeaaat!"

It was weird.

Another guy came up to me-- a really big guy named Dave.

"You're a teacher, right?"

"Yeah! Good memory!"

"How could I forget you, dear? You're absolutely unforgettable!!!"

After that, he sat at the bar and kept staring at me, trying to look smoldering. I tried to ignore him and focus on TT. It was flattering, though.

JFig was starting to irritate ThursdayGirl with her antics, and JFig's mom pointed out as much. So JFig ran across the street and bought a bouquet of roses and started handing the roses out to various people in the bar, including two for me.

"Hyde! Hyde! Over here." I looked up to see who was calling my name. It was Manwich-- another regular. TT was in the restroom, so I went over to say hello.

"My friend wants to meet you," he said, introducing me to his friend, P.

I extended my hand.

"My friend here is a singer too!" Manwich said.

"Oh, really? What part do you sing?"

"Tenor."

(I later heard him sing. He's not a singer.)

Manwich's friend P told me that he likes Gilbert and Sullivan.

"I used to be in a Gilbert and Sullivan troupe," I said. "I played Katisha. Back in my mezzo days! You should try out to sing with them. It's a lot of fun."

I told him I'd give him a call with the information. But TT had just returned from the restroom. I walked back over to our table.

"That wasn't what it looked like," I laughed.

"Oh, so you're not getting another guy's phone number?"

"He's a friend of a friend, and it's about a theater group," I explained.

"Oh, alright..."

"No, really, TT! I wouldn't do that! I'm not an awful person!"

"I know."

He smiled, but there was lingering tension. So I took his hand and got a little more PDA with him to prove my point. Who cares if the big smoldering guy was watching.

Nothing much happened until TT's next bathroom break when the big smoldering guy approached.

"You look nice," he said.

I was tipsy.

"Thanks!"

"Real nice."

"Thanks!"

"So, what are you singing next?"

"I don't know..."

"You should do 'Like a Prayer.' Most people can't really do it justice, but I know you could."

"Hmm... that's an idea."

TT returned and smolderer slinked off. TT and I went back to some dull conversation, mostly about the songs that were playing or about various characters around the bar. And then I had to go to the bathroom.

Near the ladies room there's a coat rack. I saw a man and a woman rummaging through the coats.

"Looking for wallets?" I asked as I moved by.

"No! No!" the woman insisted. "We're going in our own coat pockets!"

"Seriously! We're not going through anyone's stuff!" the man said.

"I'm only kidding you guys! What, do you think I work security here?"

There was a line for the ladies room. The woman somehow left the scene and so I was left standing there with the man. We started talking. He told me that he used to be a singer, but that he ruined his voice with smoking.

"Is that really true?!? What did you sing?"

"Oh, I starred in musical theater and stuff in high school."

"Like what?"

"Little Shop of Horrors."

"Fabulous!"

We talked for a while more. I liked this character. His name is Jazz. I was pretty sure he was gay (I later found out I was right). He was quite a talker! Finally, the bathroom became free so we parted ways.

Back to TT. A little more chit-chat and awkward hand-holding. Finally, ThursdayGirl called my song. Hooray! I had so much fun singing "Like a Prayer." Usually I sing much slower music which can be emotionally moving, but rarely energizing. This time I had the crowd up and dancing. I really got to energize them! It was a different kind of rewarding experience. After that, TT was looking really tired and I knew I had to get up early the next morning, so I agreed when he wanted to go home.

I told TT that he could walk me up to my apartment, even though I knew it was a pig-sty. I don't know why, but I was really drunk at that point and feeling much less hesitant or awkward about the kisses. I was emotionally obliterated by the booze and to be honest, it was liberating. So, he came in. And we made out. (And yes-- I made him happy, but no intercourse. And my clothes stayed on--fully.). And then he went home.

Just before he did, my phone rang. Guess who it was? Guess who! Guess who! My stomach turned in excitement. Yes... it was Narc. I had to ignore the call because TT was still here, so he left a message:

Hey it's me. It's probably around midnight. I just got out of "V for Vendetta" and the verdict is very good! The Wachowskis are back on top after the fiasco that was the second two "Matrix" movies. Very political, very disturbing at some parts but very entertaining at others, and highly recommend it. So... Yup. Alright, you got your big day tomorrow so you're probably already asleep. On that note, now... But, uh... Give me a call when you can. Alright. Bye.

Yipee! I called back right away.

"I'm not asleep. But I am tipsy! Scrap that. I'm drunk." I said.

We chatted a while. I don't remember what was said.

"I do have my 'big day' tomorrow Narc, but I want to see you anyway. I'm coming down."

"Do you want any food?"

"Okay."

"What?"

"Just get me any... anything!"

And then I went back to Cheers. Why? Because Jekyll had truly turned into Hyde and I wanted to drink more/flirt more for another half hour before going to see Narc. I ended up talking to Manwich's friend P for what seemed like an eternity. (Manwich came up to me and told me that his friend "likes me." It was very fourth grade. I was NOT interested). Then I found Arachnid-- the bartender from the Overlook and my new friend Jazz and we talked for a really long time. I was telling him about all my dates that day.

"Oh my god! I want your life!" he exclaimed.

"No you don't," I laughed. "Believe me-- you really, really don't!"

I was trying to explain the Narc-concept to him and and all of its ensuant problems and so I started to tell him how Narc denies being in any kind of "relationship" with me. I used the example of what he said to that stranger when we were at Yaffa's in June-- "I met her a year ago, we had a couple of one night stands and I knocked her up."

"Wait! What? You didn't tell me that part! Is it true???" Jazz seemed giddy with my story.

"Oh yeah... Well, whatever. The point is, he won't give me anything to feel safe about!"

"I love you!" Jazz shouted, grabbing my shoulders. "I love this girl! You are so real!"

I didn't understand what he was getting so excited about.

"You have to come with me to transvestite B-I-N-G-O," he said.

"Yeah, sure... give me your number."

"Did you hear what I said? Trans-vest-ite B-I-N-G-O!"

"Yeah, I heard you..."

Jazz seemed both delighted and disappointed that the concept didn't phase me.

It was now 1:15 and I was really drunk. I sent Narc a text: Crazy traffic on 2nd. Will be there asap!

ROUND 4:

When I got to Narc's house, he had a sandwich from Subway waiting for me and a little bag of potato chips on the table. It was so sweet. I kept apologizing for being drunk.

"What were you up to today, anyway?" he asked.

"Ugh. Don't ask. I had two dates today."

Damn it! Why did I say that? Yep... I was drunk.

I wish I could tell you more about what followed, but the last leg of the night is lost in an alcoholic fog. I remember burning to tell Narc that I love him, but not wanting to upset him. So I tried to find different words.

"You do know how much I care about you, right?" I asked.

"Yes, Hyde... I know."

"No-- really... How very much! How deeply I care! Right?"

"Yes."

He pulled me close. He kissed my forehead sweetly. I don't remember anything else. But when I woke up this morning, I saw the condom wrapper on the floor. Damn it! I bet it was beautiful romantic sex too...

Narc woke up when the alarm went off for me this morning at 7:00.

"You've got to get up, Hyde... You don't want to miss your class!"

How sweet! He knew I would be hungover so he was looking out for me to make sure I got up!

So that brings us to today...

Boy, did I feel like shit this morning. And I'm croaking like a frog. Too much karaoke and Jack Daniels. And I'm not even fully recovered from last weekend's illness! I lingered in bed as long as I could with my arms around Narc. And then I got an egg sandwich and took the subway to work. I felt like such a "commuter." Like a regular person. I managed to teach and survive my day.

Even so, I was worried that I had made a bad impression on Narc, somehow... That I shouldn't have shown up there drunk, or shouldn't have mentioned the dates, or shouldn't have behaved so affectionately. The thoughts were rolling in my head... the wheels turning. So I sent him a text in between my classes to gauge his response.

One down and one to go. Growl... I want to be eating soda bread and drinking green beer!

He wrote me back a few hours later:

Just woke up an hour ago!

Phew! He wrote back! So everything is normal and under control. (Sort of... as if my "normal" is ever "under control.") Breathe, Hyde! Breathe!

I wrote back: You well rested little bastard! Just got done! In my office blogging. Normally teach til 3:15 but they finished the exam early.

Narc: Whoohoo! Time for green beer!

Hyde: Exactly! Although I have to cross midtown w/ the parade crowds.

Anyway, I'm home now and exhausted by the telling of my tale, so I'll leave it at that with little analysis of the day's events. I'm starting to make too many typos. It's a sign to step away from the computer.

Happy St. Patty's and Happy Weekend everyone!

love,
hyde