Seasons Change

It's almost another Christmas in New York!

Yesterday the tree went up at Rockefeller Center, although, they won't be lighting it until November 30th. Saks is plastered in snow flakes and the windows are cloaked in preparation for the holiday displays; and Radio City is adorned with toy soldiers. Midtown was thick with out-of-towners today, here for the Veteran's Day Parade. The crowds added to the bustling feeling of the season though. I can't believe it's almost December again already-- almost my birthday. So much was going on in my life last November and December, and the anniversaries of those events are making me pensive. There's a post somewhere in me on all of that, but I don't want to get into it now...

It's been an exhausting week. On Monday night I hardly slept, as I was out with ThursdayGirl and BarMan doing coke in the bathroom of an Irish Pub. On Tuesday I worked a 12 hour day and then stayed up til all hours of the night with Narc. On Wednesday, mid-afternoon I unrolled a receipt in my wallet only to find that it was filled with smushed up cocaine that I had been carrying on my person for two days. I had no memory of having any extra, let alone putting it there. Upon opening it, I spilled a little of it in my wallet and on the seat of a cab. Oops! Later that night, B and I went to that fabulous concert. The rain was pouring down in sheets. I bumped into one of my students in the subway.

"Are we going to get our papers back tomorrow?" he called out to me as the subway doors shut in his face.

I had to laugh.

The fountain at Lincoln Center was lit in a golden yellow. I wanted to think it was beautiful, but instead, it reminded me of urine.

Even so, the music was marvelous. Both singers were so strong that it didn't matter that we were sitting in the cheap seats. It was melting, seamless music. Completely enveloping. The chords of Brangane's Watch are still seeped into the folds of my brain. Well sung Wagner is like a sweet sweet poison.

(That reminds me, and this is a total side note-- I was talking to B today and being all melodramatic and down about something that I don't want to get into here.

"I'm just poison, B! I'm poison!" I said.

"No, you're not! And if you're poison, well then-- I want to die of that poison!" he exclaimed.

I immediately started to laugh.

"I've turned you into a drama queen, just like me," I told him. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." I was instantly cheered up.)

Anyway, the concert was lovely... that was my point. We got home at around 11:00 pm and watched some Daily Show. Narc texted me at 11:30 telling me he was at Bar & Books, but I told him I was going to bed early. And that was that.

Yesterday was another excruciatingly long day. Teaching was fun though-- I got to teach the origins of WWI which is always a rather "dramatic" class, with all of the alliance entanglements and the drama of war unfolding. On the way home I was carrying one of those enormous rolled-up maps that you hang on the blackboard. I felt rather ridiculous. While I was leaving the school, I checked my messages and had another message from Narc. He said he was in midtown and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up for a drink. But when I called him back, he was already home.

"I'm not feeling so great," he said. "So, I think I'm just going to stay in for the night."

"Why? What did you do today?"

"Oh, nothing, I guess. Slept in til 12:00 or so. Went to therapy in the evening."

(I was so tired and on such little sleep that I wanted to kill him!)

"Oh, okay... Well, I'm heading home now too," I replied.

"You can always swing by here if you want."

(The conversation felt a little awkward, although I'm not sure why.)

"Well, I want to go home first and unwind a bit. I'll call you in a little while."

Back at my place, I really felt like I was on the verge of collapse. But I managed to re-make myself up and pack an overnight bag. I checked my email and the blogs, and headed over to Cheers.

Cheers was packed! I think it's because of the three day weekend. There were so many men in there--including a slew of uniformed marines. Tons of men. Tons and tons of men! I swear, there must have been five men to every woman, if not more. It would have made for an interesting night, but I had told Narc I was on my way, so I downed one Jack Daniels and headed out.

Narc and I had a very chill night. For once, there was no alcohol on the agenda. Narc was so cute-- he told me he switched to all natural products in terms of toothpaste, deodorant, etc. and decided to stop using the microwave. He just read some books about holistic medicine, and toxins in food, and decided that that's why he's been depressed all his life. Then he went ahead and ordered in some Chinese food at 11:30 pm-- fried dumplings and veggie lo mein. Talk about a health issue! And, as Hammer pointed out-- he sure drinks a lot for someone who is concerned enough about his health to start using all natural deodorant!

Anyway, Narc has a new idea for producing a video series and he was all excited to tell me about it. It has something to do with this website (warning-- the website is a little x-rated), but as I'm sworn to secrecy on the subject I can't tell you more. Narc knew the guy that runs that website back when he lived in New Orleans heading up his own internet company a few years ago. He was also excited about putting together a friend of his who just wrote a TV pilot with someone he knows who works at HBO. He told me he's setting up the meeting for Tuesday. I thought it was sweet that he was just chattering away at me about all of it. Usually he doesn't talk about his work except to say that he's frustrated that it's not going anywhere.

"So, anyway, I thought we'd go see Pride and Prejudice in the morning," he announced. "I know you love that kind of thing."

"Narc, I'd love to, but I've got my speech therapy at 1:00."

He was disappointed.

On the subject of Pride and Prejudice we started talking about how the Jane Austin heroines are always choosing among rich, handsome men. We got into a whole discussion of men in the movies, and Narc said that he hates 1950's era movies because the "asshole" always gets the girl.

"I love movies from the '50s!" I said. "It's one of my favorite eras. I especially love Streetcar."

"Yeah, but Brando is such a brute. I mean, he's hot but he's an asshole. What's the point of that? The girl never chooses the nice guy. She always wants the withholding, non-committal one who doesn't give a shit about her!"

"Streetcar is more complicated than that," I said. "It's about social class and the dying out of Southern aristocracy, among other things. Brando's a brute because he's a symbol. He's leveling. The Wild One is another story--I'll give you that. In that movie, he's one of those grunting, motorcycle-riding, date-rapist rebel types, and the girl just pines after him."

"How can you like that crap?"

"I don't know... Maybe I have a think for motorcycle-riding assholes," I suggested.

"I showed you the pictures from when I used to motorcycle-ride, right?" he asked. "We did a few months on the road in the UK."

"Yes, Narc, you did."

I smiled. He can be so transparent.

Anyway, I'll spare you the details of the rest of our evening. It's strange-- the more "normal" things become between us, the less I feel the need to obsessively chronicle everything here. Needless to say, we didn't get to bed until around 3:00 am. I was so wiped out. Even so, I didn't regret having gone to see him. I love going to sleep with him. I just love it. At one point I wanted to tell him so. I wanted to say "I love you," but I didn't. It wouldn't have been a smart thing to do for a million and one reasons.

This morning, Hammer called and woke me up at around 9:00 am. I let Narc stay asleep and curled up next to him with my reading for class. I didn't want to go, but at around 11:30 I dragged myself up to get dressed in time for my appointment.

After speech therapy, I went to Patelson's and bought a book of Verdi Soprano arias (including Salce, salce & Ave Maria from Otello and Pace, pace mio dio from Forza) and I got a pitch pipe and some Vaccai exercises. I was very happy with my purchases. On the way home, I braved the midtown parade crowd, caught a glimpse of the Rockefeller tree (a fine looking tree, might I add), and I picked up some dinner.

This evening, I spent a huge amount of time on the phone with Hammer, helping her untangle some relationship issues, and I also spent a while uploading some Cheers photos to share with BarMan for his website.

Now it's about 10:00, and while I know I should call it a night and head to bed, somehow I don't think I will. The spirit of the night is beckoning my Hyde-side. And besides-- I already reapplied my makeup.

Later!

h

Oh, PS: Flash, I thought you'd like to know--Narc is going to see Depeche Mode on 12/8. :)