HOLY SHIT!!!
#1-- I'm drunk, so I don't want to write too much. (And forgive the typos!)
#2-- I loved Rent, and sobbed through the whole thing.
#3-- When the movie ended, I pulled B aside and told him,
"I have a secret to tell you."
"What?" he asked.
"I don't love Narc," I said. "I'm still in love with you." (Yes, I really meant it, and it scares the shit out of me.)
He looked at me for a moment.
"What? I mean, I love you too..."
"No, B... It's not that I love you. It's that I'm still in love with you."
He looked at me again. Then he walked away and rejoined his girlfriend. Our whole party went out for a drink after.
FUCK!!!
In any case, I had a MAJOR revelation about B/Narc tonight and only hope it will remain as clear to me in my sobriety tomorrow.
#4-- I met up with some friends, the W family, and drank until now (it's about 2:30 am).
#5-- I hadn't invited Narc to my birthday party. But today I got all emotional, and started playing piano and sobbing and crying. (I'll have to explain that bit later). But I pounded on the keys and let the tears roll onto my fingers and into the music, and then I raced to my computer and impulsively sent him an evite.
#6-- I just got home and checked my evite. Narc replied "Yes."
WHAT?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!? WHAT?!?!? WHAT??!?!?!?
Now what the fuck am I going to do? I can't fucking breathe. I'm serious-- I can't breathe.
I mean, I just bought a bagel from Mohammed at the deli. He fucking flirts with me so hard, it's unbelieveable, and I come home to this!
Narc wrote:
"Yeah, OK, I'll drop by, as long as there's no WAGNER or anything..."
I feel sick. And so fucking confused.
Life is too complicated.
But,
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!
12 comments:
Erm. Yay? Or boo? If I say both I can't be wrong!
Either way have a happy thanksgiving!
Life is complicated. I'm assuming Wagner is "B". It's your party, if Wagner is coming and tell Narc and then it's up to him if he wants to come or not.
I know it seems complicated now, but it will all work out.
I always knew you loved "B". Take Care.
Gobble Gobble
Sunshine-- he's talking about the composer. We got into a fight about loving/hating that composer the other day...
-h
Oh, my mistake. Still it's your party, have fun!
wouldn't that be interesting if Wagner could come to the party? he oculd perform on your piano.
Wow, that's quite a revelation after the previous posts!
And if Wagner is coming to your party, I'm crashing (maybe he'd bring along a few other dead composers, too).
Life is a lot simpler without the Booze!
Oh I just cant wait for the party!!!
Were you already drunk when you told B what you told him? Do you think he'll dismiss it for that reason?
I'm sorry to hear about the crying but this sounds like mostly good news. You loved the movie, you definitely love someone in your life and your birthday party is just around the corner. I hope you made it Penn Station OK and had a great Thanksgiving!
Spinster-- As for my revelation-- I do still love Narc. I really really REALLY love Narc. It's just in a different way than how I love B. (And I think the two are related). But all of this is still spinning in my head and is a little too personal to get into right now. So, I'll leave it at that.
Mystic-- I agree with you, in general. Although this time, these developments on Friday were sans booze (just some emotional piano playing and an emotional movie to stir things up).
Dan-- I was totally sober when I told him that. And I don't think it's a good thing. B and I are over, over, over. I just need to figure out what I want to do about it.
Again-- happy thanksgiving everyone!
-h-
Wow Hyde! You sure know how to confuse people!
I agree with Mystic. Life is definitely a lot simpler without the drink. Glad you enjoyed Rent, you were definitely looking forward to it.
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