Stilled Waters

I'm in a very strange mood today. It started when I woke up this morning. I felt like it might be over... all of this might be over. I might be done with Narc. I don't want to say more than that, because I know I've said it before and it hasn't been true. And I don't want to overthink this feeling and scare myself back into my "tunnel-vision" for him, but if I'm writing about today, it had to be said. That's where I'm at.

Anyway, on to the rest of the weekend! I think I left you off when Brick and I were about to head to NV's party with our new AA friend (Well-- he's more Brick's friend than mine). I'm going to call him "Pilman." Anyway, they came up to my apartment and before we left, I sang Vissi d'arte for them and Pilman cried! Then we headed outside and walked the five blocks to NV's place. It was a pretty fun party, although NV did mention the ginger-infused vodka when we arrived. All three of us split up and had a pretty easy time chatting with people. There was a girl I met who is a jazz singer. She got a little drunk, though, and became pretty annoying, asking everyone advice about whether or not she should ditch her artist boyfriend for some rich guy who wants to take her to Paris. (Brick said "yes!" and I said "no!"). At one point, Brick put his arms around me (which I'm totally comfortable with) and after that, Pilman, following his lead, started being more "touchy-feely" with me, which I really didn't like. I'm not yet practiced enough at saying so, though. So, instead, I just got silently annoyed.

We left the party at around 1:30 and stopped off for some ice cream before heading back to my place. NDN had texted to see if I were awake, so I invited him upstairs. All four of us chatted for a while and NDN put on some really strange HBO porn series that featured a 500 lb woman covered in cookie dough having sex. By 2:00 am, Brick wanted to go to bed, so NDN went home, I blew up the air mattress for Pilman so he could join us in the bedroom and we all drifted off to sleep.

On Sunday morning, I woke up bright and early. Brick was up and getting ready to head out for a brunch date with a guy he met while "speed-dating" the night before. Pilman left with him and I got ready for my own brunch with Bezoukhoff. We had a really lovely afternoon. After our meal, he came back to my apartment and helped me do some research on the Belarusian village that my mom's family came from. I have already gathered as much as possible, given the language barrier, but Bezoukhoff found some interesting information and translated the websites for me. By 2:30, it was time to head uptown for B's concert.

Just as we were settling down into our seats in a gorgeous, warm, Presbyterian church that smelled of pine, Bezoukhoff realized that he had lost his cell phone in the cab. He wasn't upset for long, though. The concert was truly beautiful. I loved the sturm und drang of some of the Haydn and the soprano soloist in the first half was a real surprise. She was amazing. I am thinking about giving her a call and asking to sing for her.

I wasn't even aware that Drippy was there in the audience, but after the concert, when B came up to give me a huge hug, he immediately alerted me to her presence. The four of us went out for coffee and I have to say-- Drippy was friendlier than she has ever been!

After that, B and Drippy headed home while Bezoukhoff and I came back to my place. Bezoukhoff called his sister to let his family know about the missing phone and as luck would have it, his sister reported that the phone had been found! Bezoukhoff called the good Samaritan who picked it up from the cab and headed out to get his phone back. Then he came back to my house, we ate Chinese, watched some Jon Stewart and Colbert and I sent him off as I went to bed.

That's pretty much all the excitement I have to report. Yesterday was a decent day. At 5:30 am, the phone rang. I heard it in my sleep, even though it was my land line and was only ringing in my living room.

It's probably Narc, I thought. And whoever it is will try my cell next.

But, my cell phone never rang. So, later that morning, when I got out of bed, I checked the machine. It was my grandma calling from Jerusalem! She sounded so sad. I called her back right away, even though it's always a painful phone call for me. She is getting old. If we don't go back for another visit soon, I fear that I'll never see her again.

The rest of the day was fine. I taught, and that's about it...

Today I went to the doctor. I gained five pounds in spite of the lizard spit. The doctor couldn't believe it. I guess my body is freakishly out of wack. I do have good news, though-- my liver is officially back to normal! Would you believe it? All it took was six months of sobriety to get those numbers back where they need to be! I am very happy that there's no long-term damage.

Now I'm here in my office with a little bit of time before I have to teach. I think I'm going to try to get some more work done on my fourth step.

I have a lot more I want/need to say about Narc, but I don't want to do that to myself right now. So... I'll write it later.

If I'm not back before then-- Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

h