I feel so out of control sometimes. I am a physical and chemical mess. I've had a hard week, but it's not that. It's something else I can't understand. I started the day out okay, but ended up on another crying jag this afternoon. I am feeling suicidal again. I can't go through this every month. I called my mom, hardly able to breathe. I feel like I can't get through to the next moment. I don't know how I taught today. I cried in my office until two minutes before class. I just kept praying for God to give me the strength to be of service to my students. Somehow I did it. Now, I've just finished the class and I have a dull, pressing headache accompanied by extreme exhaustion. I just want to go home and get under the covers, but I'm going to try to press on to my meeting tonight first. I wish I could have some Jack Daniels, but I know that it would only be a temporary fix and I'd be left feeling worse. I just don't know why I feel this way, though. I know that it's physical. It feels physical. And I feel so very, very out of control.
I hate it.
Still working on that other post...
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