Yom Kippur, Naked Candy and B

Tuesday night I went out to Cheers. It was the night I was supposed to hang out with NDN but stood him up. I met a guy there-- another guy who lives in our building. He lives on the third floor-- the same floor as Druggie! I also met a bunch of people who told me they just graduated from Cornell.

"Really!" I exclaimed, "I know someone who just graduated from Cornell!"

"Who?"

"My neighbor's sister!"

"What's her name?"

"Um... I don't know."

Okay. I guess I really don't know someone who just graduated from Cornell.

Anyway, that was one night of debauchery too many ago to remember much more about it. Nothing really noteworthy happened.

On Wednesday, I was all set for Yom Kippur. Hammer invited me to a "pre-fasting" dinner at her place before going to synagogue with her and NDN. It was great. She made us chicken and rice and spinach, and said a prayer over the wine and bread, and served apples with honey "for a sweet New Year," as she put it.

I normally don't go to services at all, but this year was different. I was raised with very little religion, with one Catholic parent and one Jewish. As such, we always celebrated all of the holidays "commercially "--Christmas trees and menorahs, Passover dinners and Easter eggs, but no church and no synagogue and no theology. When I was around 12 I tried to learn more about Judaism and went to Hebrew school for a year and a half. I think it's because my dad passed away when I was 11, and I ended up very lost. I was desperately seeking some sort of grounding and connectivity. Years later, all through my relationship with B, I spent a lot of time in church, as he is a semi-regular church-goer and used to sing in a church choir every Sunday. First it was always the Catholic church for him, but he has recently become an Episcopalian and I somtimes still go with him on Sundays. My stepfather is also Catholic and we still have those holidays with his family. Anyway, that's my "religious background" in a nutshell. Last fall, Hammer took me to Friday night services at a synagogue here in the city and I absolutely loved it. Since then, I've gone back a few times with her and once with NDN. So this year, I decided to join and actually mark the holidays with some meaningful introspection and prayer. NDN and I went together for Rosh Hashanah, and Hammer, NDN and I went for Yom Kippur.

The service was truly beautiful. Maybe I'll write more about that in a future post. Afterwards, the three of us set out into the rain to get a cab. Hammer came back to our building and the three of us caught up on NDN's trip to Amsterdam. He showed us pictures, I gave Hammer a manicure, and NDN showed us all of his little souvenirs (including some mushroom tea, a cool pipe, cheese, Jesus and Moses figurines, a t-shirt, a set of "dirty" playing cards, duty-free cigarettes for me, and some porn-DVD's, one with me in mind in particular. I'll spare you the details on that particular video, but let's just say that NDN knows a little too much about me!) After Hammer went home, NDN and I talked for a while more and then I crashed to sleep. I was wiped out!

Thursday morning I woke up early with the intent on getting to synagogue by 9:00 am for the start of morning services. I was a few minutes late, but I have to say-- the service was incredible. I'm so glad I went. Hammer met me there at around 11:00, breaking briefly to get some new boots. ;) That service ended at around 2:30. While I had originally planned on going to the evening service as well, it didn't work out that way. I was hungry; it was raining; and I didn't want to be late for my mom's "break-the-fast" dinner. So instead, I decided to head to Long Island early, to help my mom prepare. I said goodbye to Hammer, headed to Penn Station and arrived at my mom's place at around 4:30. BigSis picked me up at the train.

When I walked into the house, I was assaulted by the delicious smells, all made even more irresistible by my hunger. My mom was cooking up a storm! I managed to resist, though, and even helped my mom make the salad without stealing any bites. Since my family is not religious, no one else had gone to temple. Most people didn't even fast, except me, my mom and BigSis. In fact, out of the fifteen people who showed up to break the fast, only seven were Jewish. Who were the guests? Me, BigSis and Bro-in-Law, LilSis and JBC, my parents, my mom's friend Prissy, Bro-in-Law's parents, my mom's sis and her husband, their daughter and her boyfriend, and of course--my grandpa.

I had a really great time with my family. It felt good to be home... relaxed and free, which is unusual for me. I don't know why. I think going to services had something to do with it. I was just in a different "space" in my head than usual, if that makes any sense... Anyway, I got back to the city at around 11:00 that night, after talking to both Hammer and NDN on the train. The rain was still coming down hard.

But then, as you all know, instead of coming straight home, I stopped in at Cheers. Why? I really don't know. I think something inside of me is resistant to the idea of getting my life together. Some impulse doesn't want me to let go of of that "Hyde-ish" life-- the life of Narc, of Cheers, and all of that.

The highlight of the night had to be strange Candy and her nudity, but before that, there were a few interesting moments as well. I saw the guy from the third floor, the same one I had met on Tuesday night. He came over to say hello to me. I didn't remember much of our conversation from Tuesday, so I asked him (again) where he lives.

"In your building! I told you that!" he said.

"Oh. I sometimes forget things," I smiled. But it was embarrassing.

"Yeah, we had a whole talk!" he said. "I still have that book that you recommended to me written down on a napkin in my briefcase."

"What book?"

"I don't remember the name, but you said it was a classic!"

He looked in his briefcase, but couldn't find the napkin. I wonder what book it was... I asked him if he knows Druggie and his brother and he told me that he's seen them around but isn't friends with them. I told him the story of when I met Druggie, and invited him to a party at my place. That night, after I had passed out (from a combination of alcohol and marijuana), Druggie went crazy and started talking to himself and spitting on the floor and poured out a bottle of wine of the floor. VJ had to try to get him home and he gave her a really hard time. Another time I was with Druggie, he cracked open a sleeping pill I gave him and drank the gel out of the inside and then puked all over my floor. Then of course, there are the strange advances he's made, like leaving a DVD copy of Beloved under my door, or asking me flat out if I "wanted to have sex." There's too much to detail here, and too much to have told the new guy, but I did have a few good stories to tell... I also asked him if he knew the FourthFloorGirls, but he said no.

Later, KHill came around and talked to me for a while. That guy always smiles at me when he's sober, but even more so when he's drunk. When he's drunk, he loves me. That night, he waved and pointed at me, sending me "shout outs" while drunkenly singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Mildly amusing.

Knowing that FightingMensch's birthday was coming up (it's actually today), I told BarMan to get him a drink on me. After that, FightingMensch came over and bought shots for me, PalmGuy, Candy (who was sitting at a bar-stool near me) and PalmGuy's friend. He said that he had just won $500 in the football pool, and he wanted to blow it all on booze that very night. He told me that his girlfriend is moving out. I wonder if that means we're going to be seeing more of him around Cheers again. (Wait... I shouldn't say that. Didn't I make a declaration yesterday that I quit drinking? So I guess they'll be seeing less of me!)

Once I started doing shots, I knew it was going to be a crazy night. I wanted more. And more. And more! I started buying shots for myself, and then I offered some to Candy. She accepted and bought me some in return. I have no idea how much I drank. But it was a lot. We were both pounding them down. My bill came to $100 or something like that (at about $6 per drink!). We had that strange sex-conversation in which she asked me if I wanted to join a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Somehow it came up, and I told her that I like "rough" sex, and then she told me that she wasn't into it being "rough" because she had been the victim of sexual violence.

"In fact," she told me, "that's why I started to date girls. And I only dated girls for quite a few years. I'm seeing a guy now, but I'm still into girls."

"Oh, okay," I said.

I don't remember if the bar was closing or if we just decided to leave, but in any event, I invited her back to my place to smoke weed on the roof. Of course, I didn't have any, but rather, NDN was supposed to pick up a fresh batch for me. So I called him and asked him to leave it out in the hall (as I explained in a previous post). I don't know how I thought we were going to hang out on the roof, since it was still raining like crazy. So we ended up in my apartment. And like I said, she took off all her clothes (minus her panties) and stretched out on my bed. I opted to stay standing near my dresser, smoking and cutting up lines. I sucked up as much coke as I could manage to scrape together from the bottom of old bags. Like I said-- I'm out of the stuff and don't plan to buy more.

Anyway, I didn't want to sit on the bed and give her the wrong idea. She told me that she's into Wicca and I told her that I don't know that much about it, but that I'm into crystals. I showed her my amethyst (the infamous amethyst I've lost and found a million times-- the one that Narc once tried to keep from me). She suggested that we "clear" the stone by passing it through a flame. I lit a candle in my room and she did some kind of strange ceremony (nearly naked all the while). For most of the time, she just tried to arrange herself into sexy poses. I didn't know how to react, so I ignored the fact, and just talked to her.

I don't remember all that much else about the night, except that she told me she's taking of for L.A. for vacation, but that she wants to have dinner with me when she gets back. I don't know about that. Hyde always starts to forge relationships that Jekyll does not want to maintain. Anyway, she headed home around 6:00 am but I was so wound up that I didn't know what to do with myself. You don't know how badly I wanted to call Narc! But it was totally situational. It's just the kind of instance in which I would have called Narc, or the kind of instance in which he would have called me. I need to stop getting myself into those "triggering" moments!

I resisted the call to Narc, and instead checked the blogs, wrote those posts and paced around my apartment, occasionally checking my glassy-eyed, red-rimmed, wild-haired reflection in the mirror. I was way too wired to sleep. (Then I saw that attempted Narc-text on my cell-phone. Whatever...) I forced my head to the pillow at around 8:30 am, only to be awakened by a ringing phone an hour and a half later. It was my mom. Mumbling through the conversation, I tried to close my eyes again, but to no avail. So, I decided to get up and get dressed. I felt fucked up beyond belief, but there was nothing to do except to give my body time to process it out. I drank a red bull, combed my hair, pulled on my hooded sweatshirt and took off for the school where I work to pick up a paycheck and drop off some paperwork.

I stopped off in my office, cold and shivering from the pounding rain, lack of sleep and cocaine. I forced myself to eat a bagel and checked my email. NDN wrote to me:

Hmm, naked girl on your couch trying to seduce you. Lesbian shoves her tongue down your throat in an elevator. Are you giving off some vibe or do girls just seem to find you irresistible through no fault of your own? Are you that good and if so teach me your secret with girls...share with your Co-President.

(I don't think I ever blogged about the Lesbian in the elevator incident, but that was back in July).

Anyway, his email made me laugh, and significantly improved my mood for the day. After that, I headed to the bank and then to a speech therapy appointment at 1:00 at Columbus Circle. (Why am I in speech therapy, you ask? My voice teacher thought it would be a good idea, since I teach lecture classes. He thinks I'm abusing my voice by placing the pitch too low and tightening when I project in the classroom).

After the speech-therapist, I met B in the bookstore inside the Time Warner building. He is such a sweetheart. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled that I was really nervous about (a particularly painful procedure that I don't want to go into here), but he volunteered to take me. I popped two codeine hoping to offset the pain, and told him about my plans to quit drinking. So now I was coming down off the coke, numbed by the codeine and shivering from the rain. It sucked. The afternoon only got worse, as the pain from the procedure was so much worse than expected, and I left the doctor slightly traumatized. (As B put it-- "you look like a kitten that's just been given a bath!") Anyway, he cancelled his plans with friends and took me home, bringing me some wonton soup and settling in on the couch with me to watch some TV until I felt better. Soon enough, I drifted off to sleep, and when I woke up, it was 8:00 pm. B told me he had to get going, and kissed me goodbye.

I stayed awake for another hour or so, limping to the deli to get some tea, and then stumbled home, quickly falling back asleep. I slept on the living room couch last night. It was nice and cozy in a strange way. Even though I was in some serious pain, when I woke up in the middle of the night, it felt warm and a little bit sneaky-- like I was having a sleep-over with someone or something. My cat lay curled up nearby.

This morning I woke up after nearly 12 hours of sleep. Nice! B called me and asked if I wanted to have lunch. I agreed and we ate in a nearby diner. After that, I did some errands, came home and made some dinner. Tonight I've got a party to go to on the West Side. I'm a little nervous, because I did decide to stop drinking, and a party is going to be impossibly hard, but I'm not planning on staying for long. NDN is coming with me and then we're going to come back to our building, watch the Family Guy DVD and smoke some marijuana. (No, I haven't given up all of my vices!)

I'll let you know how it all goes...

Hope you all have fun plans for the night!

-h-