I haven't "forgiven" him. I can't think about it like that. And I haven't seen him or spoken to him since Thursday night either. But still... There's just a lot floating in and out of my thoughts right now.
I wish I could say that that's a rule I've lived by, but that's definitely not been true. I have to admit though that many of the things I chose not to do are things I now do not regret not doing. (Did that make sense?)
And I like to think that I'm better equipped to make decisions and weigh their consequences than I once was.
You did not choose to do something rather than do nothing and regret it. You simply allowed Narc to do something (i.e., you). Your friends are very nice and supportive but you are not happy. How can you be happy when you love someone who says vile things to you, masturbates in front of your friend, and walks off after a night of intimacy like you are an afterthought. Contining to sleep with a man like that is not an example of living without regret. Rather, it is an example of not living at all. Living is finding true love. From reading this blog, I can see that you have love from friends. But, you need to love yourself enough to demand a better relationship with someone else.
6 comments:
I can't say I understand why you forgave him but if you're happy, I'm happy.
I like your comment Dan: It sounds like a math proof: If you're happy, I'm happy, kind of like if X =1 then Y = ....
I haven't "forgiven" him. I can't think about it like that. And I haven't seen him or spoken to him since Thursday night either. But still... There's just a lot floating in and out of my thoughts right now.
-h
I like your way of thinking Hyde, that's the one rule I've always tried to live by!
I wish I could say that that's a rule I've lived by, but that's definitely not been true. I have to admit though that many of the things I chose not to do are things I now do not regret not doing. (Did that make sense?)
And I like to think that I'm better equipped to make decisions and weigh their consequences than I once was.
Okay now I'm just babbling.
You did not choose to do something rather than do nothing and regret it. You simply allowed Narc to do something (i.e., you). Your friends are very nice and supportive but you are not happy. How can you be happy when you love someone who says vile things to you, masturbates in front of your friend, and walks off after a night of intimacy like you are an afterthought. Contining to sleep with a man like that is not an example of living without regret. Rather, it is an example of not living at all. Living is finding true love. From reading this blog, I can see that you have love from friends. But, you need to love yourself enough to demand a better relationship with someone else.
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