Holy shit. I have a a hangover like there's no tomorrow. Fuck that. I'm still drunk. Narc just called me.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Wanna come down here and have sex?"
"Um... Okay."
But I'll get to that in a few minutes...
First-- You guys would not BELIEVE the scene at my place yesterday. We woke up around 11:00 am and he started drinking straight away. I have very little booze at my place, but he found a bottle of cheap vodka (purchased for a house party a year ago) and some Khalua and started drinking as soon as he was up. I couldn't get him up in time to make it to my speech therapy, so I skipped it. Then I had a 3:00pm doctor's appointment on the West Side. He came with me, but I left him at a pub until I was done. When I met him an hour later, or so, he was WASTED. Falling off the stool wasted! He called me "my hyde" and told me he always worries about me. (That stuff fucking kills me, you know?) Anyway, I managed to get him home in one piece. He tried to take my pants off in the cab, but I resisted. So he whipped his own thing out and I could only keep him "in line" by jacking him off. I was embarassed and hoped the cab driver didn't see. When we got to my corner and got out of the cab he didn't even zip up before getting out. He was that drunk. He couldn't even form complete sentences. The guy who sells fruit on my corner got one look at the whole scene and asked me if I were okay.
"Yeah, I'm okay," I said. "Thanks for asking. He just had one too many."
All this was still before 7:00 pm, mind you.
The rest of the evening got weirder and weirder. Narc was so drunk he lost all coherence. We had sex during which he told me he "loves me" over and over and over. I knew how drunk he was, so it's not like I could believe it, but it still fucked with my head. After that, NDN came over to have dinner. I really think he needs to chime in here to describe the scene to you. Eventually Narc passed out on my bed. NDN and I had to haul him out of there, slinging his arms around our necks and trying to drag him out of the bed. (Narc, by the way, must be at least 6'2" and 200 lbs.) NDN hailed a cab for him. The only way I could get Narc to stay calm was to tell him to kiss me. He smeared my makeup everywhere. (I was dressed as a geisha for a halloween party. Well, Cio Cio San from Madama Butterfly to be exact). We put Narc in the cab (and I gave him $20) and we sent him off. He was mad at me for not coming with him.
Later on, he called me and told me that he got out of the cab in the wrong neighborhood. I was sick with worry. I made him promise to call me when he got home, which he did. Even so, I had a blast at that halloween party. I met a tenor who told me I have the "cheekbones" of a singer. And I got drunk. Narc called again and made me promise to call him when I was on my way home.
NDN and I ended the night at Cheers. I saw KHill there who told me I looked "hot" in the geisha outfit. He was outside smoking a cigarette and told me he had an erection. He told me to feel it through his jeans. I did. Where do I meet these people? I reminded him he once said he wanted to "impregnate me." He was embarassed. Whatever... It was all good and I was having fun. I also bumped into another girl, WelcomeToTheJungle-- I had met her at Cheers a few months ago and we became friends, but then I never called her after we exchanged numbers. I apologized for that and bought her a drink.
I didn't get home until 4:30 or 5:00 am. I sent Narc a text:
If you're still up, call me. I want to fuck you.
He just called me now. I told him I was hung over but glad that he got home safe. (This, of course, being the conversation I started this post with.)
"Yeah, I'm totally recovered," he said. "I woke up at 6:00 am this morning, but the hangover disappeared."
"So what's up?" I asked. "Why are you calling?"
"Um, I don't know... Wanna come over and have sex?"
"Sure."
Just after that, B called.
"Wanna have lunch today, Hyde?"
"Okay? But soon? I have to go have sex with Narc."
"I can be there in half an hour."
"Perfect. See you then."
Guys, I feel like my life is crazy. I'm crazy. NDN, your two cents? Fuck, fuck. fuck. Why am I still drunk when it's almost noon? Why do I still put up with Narc's shit? When am I going to get it together?
Arghhh! I'm going to brush my teeth and get dressed so that I'm presentable for B. Then I'm going to pretend that I have some semblance of sanity and ignore last night's memory loss. Maybe after that I'll pick up the pizza crusts and used condoms from my living room floor.
I have to go to BigSis' birthday party tonight.
Later...
-h
Oh, PS: Funny part of the story-- Narc gave NDN his credit card to go buy us some pizza. NDN also bought me a huge bouquet of lilies and roses on Narc's tab. Narc was too drunk to know the difference. I thought it was sweet. Ha!
11 comments:
Sweet Hyde -
Your crazy life is because of the choices you are making...the little ones every day. All life is about choices. You can make better choices for yourself, and you can stick to them.
I know, I know...it may sound like I think it's easy, but it's not. The little choices are the hardest ones - changing the way we think about them can be the hardest thing you have ever done in the world. You may have to ask for help to support those choices.
I'll just keep saying it though, you deserve better.
What the hell is wrong with you Hyde?
All those things he did to you? The way he treats you?
I just dont understand it and it makes me sad.
that sounds like a *great* night out. Where do you find these people? Nice touch with the flowers on Narc's card though...
If Narc is into his power-trips (which he certainly seems to be), he has got to be sore with himself that he got so out of control. I know I would be. Even when I'm totally legless, there's a part of me that always wants to hide it. So Narc was so far gone that he needed your help and was babbling over and over about loving you. That's not much of a power-trip is it? I suppose he'll just shrug it off, but if you're looking for weakness, there you go. He can try and laugh it off if he wants, but that's how I see it.
ST
Hyde knows how lazy i am about typing when i don't have to, so this long comment is kinda a big deal. The way I saw things before last and the way i see things now are a little different. Last night was indeed weird. Hyde and I had plans to make dinner together and then go to the party. I was pissed that Narc was still there, but what could i do about it? Anyway...So, I come in with marinated chicken to grill, string beans to be cooked, and an onion. I was NOT going to be cooking for that prick so I only had enough for me and Hyde. Hyde asked Narc if he was hungry and he said, or tried to say, he was so fuckin drunk, that he could eat. Hyde asked me if i had cash, i had a little, but not really enough for buying the prick food AND for the rest of the night, and Hyde didn't have enough cash either. So I said, "Narc, do YOU have any cash?" Well, he had a CC which he gave me. Jackpot. I volunteered to go out and get goods. I had a ball with this shmuck's CC. Bought a lot of pizza. Good beer a $18 bouquet of flowers for hyde and some roses that i would need for my act that night. I have not shaken his hand or started a converation with the guy since i found out about the shit that he's done.
Last night was interesting though. I've never liked Narc and never will, but i saw him in a different light. I saw this guy, falling down drunk, 30 yrs old or so, doesn't do shit with his life besides drink and treat people like crap, and it hit me: This guy has some MAJOR psychological issues to be doing this shit to himself day in and day out. Now, if he didn't treat my friend the way he does i might feel sorry for the guy, but I can't. He only thinks about himself and uses Hyde when he wants sex or to get off on beating someone up. BUT HERE'S THE CATCH: Narc is not Hyde's family, nor is he a close friend thst she's known all her life, she doesn't HAVE to be with him and put up with such an incredible amount of shit, she CHOOSES to do so. And she knows that. So, what i got from last night is that while Narc has major issues there are issues on both sides for Hyde to stay in this. She's no dumby, she knows this. So I've told her, look, just don't complain about it anymore to me. This comment is not going to come as a surprise to Hyde, I told her this this morning as she was shaving to go down to see him, and it won't change my friendship with her at all. I could give a rat's ass about what Narc decides to do with his life, I just want the best for Hyde and that's why it's so difficult to watch it. And what is so frustrating is that it's her choice. So, she won't change until she really wants to change, and that goes the same for the drinking.
I just don't understand why anyone would want to choose to hang around in that situation.
i feel that as hyde's longtime friend, i must weigh in in her defence. Hyde, You Are not putting up with his shit any more! You are in control, isn't that great? Also you guys love each other. (And you have it under control)
hmm...
The topic of Narc is so overdone on this blog. I've said a billion and one things about him, and yet sometimes feel like I've communicated nothing. It's hard to explain why I like to be with him. But that's it, plain and simple. I enjoy being with him.
Spins- thanks for the support as always.
Charby- I don't think you'll EVER get it. But that's okay. We've just got really different temperments.
ST- you were totally right. I saw him today and there was plenty of shame in the air on his part. Narc and I are all about the power struggle.
NDN- thanks for putting your two cents in, but Narc is good for more than "sex" and "beating up." He doesn't "beat" me up, and I would say that way oversimplifies things.
Bottom line--
Hope I'm not endlessly frustrating you all. If I am, what can I say except to skip reading the Narc posts...
Right now things are good.
Let's just leave it at that.
:)
h
Hyde I think you're right,
I'll start skipping the Narc bits, ignore me anyway, I'm just in a stroppy, arsey mood.
Alright, I'm confused...are you still "choosing" to be with Narc despite all his "flaws" (there's a euphemism for you) or are you upset that you can't say to no to him? It seems like both but that can't be...either you're choosing to do this or you can't help yourself.
If you say you're happy, I want to believe you, but I have this nagging feeling that you're not.
I understand that part of you really enjoys being with him...but then part of you asks "Why do I keep putting up with Narc's shit?"
That's why it feels so confusing to all of us.
I can't imagine how confusing it is to you to be so torn.
Hyde, I love you honey but I SOOO despair of you too.
I just hope that you are happy.
And thanks to NDN for his perspective on things, good work with the credit card fella!
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