On PopStarChick

I feel too dulled to write much of anything. But it's Tuesday. And I'm sitting in my office before class and this is when I usually blog... So, I'll try. I'll attempt something.

(This fucking sucks!)

Um... okay... Where to begin?

First of all, I can't believe that Narc is really considering marrying that Russian whore. In my opinion, she has completely manipulated him. I don't know how closely you've all been following their story, but given that I'm too numb to write anything of my own feelings, I figured I'd give a little background on all of that. I'll update you on how the events unfolded and the rest of my week when I can breath again.

So, here it goes...

Narc was set up on a blind date with her back in January, 2005. They went on a couple of dates and it apparently "didn't work out." As they were in the same circle of friends, though, they stayed friendly. They were never very close friends. (I think my first mention of her on this blog was back in May, 2005 when he went to a NIN concert with her.)

Narc and I first fought about her the following month when he texted her one night when we were out at Cheers and I was jealous. I didn't think that much of it, though, because he was wrapped up in some drama with the Exhibitionist.

Last October, when he came back from Europe, he brought her a present and that kind of bothered me, as he didn't bring anything for me. He did, however, bring souvenirs for a lot of his friends, so I ignored my jealousy.

Right before my birthday, in December, Narc complained to me about how his friends weren't true friends, specifically mentioning PopStar. If you remember, he got all suicidal that night. Here's what I wrote about it on the Annals:

Narc told me that last January he had dated someone else for two weeks-- PopStarChick. He was set up with her by his friends M&M, but it didn't work out from the start. That's fine, and I don't care about that. The strange part is that Narc still hangs out with this girl every now and then, only she's mean to him. She blows him off a lot, she flakes out on plans, and makes him feel bad about himself...unimportant. I can't fathom why he cares so much! It was the same way with the Exhibitionist. Both PopStar and the Exhibitionist talk to him about their exploits with other men, have him pay for their meals and generally treat him like crap. He hasn't so much as made out with either one of them. Narc as "victim." Interesting concept, right?

Anyway, despite the fact that neither of them gives a shit about him, he emailed them from Europe, brought them back souvenirs and pursues friendship with them as if it reflects something about how important he is as a human being. Granted, he's not talking to the Exhibitionist anymore (and hasn't been for a few months), but that's only because she hurt his feelings for a long enough time that he cut her off.

It was January when she first became a real issue. He took her to the opera for her birthday-- my favorite opera (which I was also at) and he posted about it on his blog. In the meanwhile, he still hadn't gotten me a present.

I called him on it later that month (the night he puked in Bar & Books).

"You're not jealous are you?" he acted surprised.

"Oh, come on, Narc. Of course I'm jealous. How could I not be? Of all the things to do! The opera! The opera!"

I reminded him about the La Boheme debacle in our history.

"Hyde, it wasn't planned like that at all. It's not like I bought the tickets for her. I would have rather gone with you! You have to know that."

"Um, no... not really. You could have asked me to go if you wanted to go with me."

"You said you would be in Argentina."

"What do you mean? Obviously I knew I was coming back, I had tickets to that opera myself."

"That's not true. You emailed me that you were coming back on the 7th or the 8th."

"What? Why would I do that? I never said that."

"Hyde! Of course you did! I'll make you a bet about it."

I shook my head.

"Why else wouldn't I take you to the opera? You're 'OperaChick,' right? I mean, I only got those tickets because it was Wozzeck. And you know I did that show. I honestly didn't know who I was going to get to go with me. And it only ended up being PopStarChick as a last minute thing. I'm telling you I would have rather gone with you."

"Narc, that's a lie."

...and then...

"Look, Narc--if it was so last minute, why did you write on your blog that you had a big birthday surprise for her... As if you had been planning it all out for ages! This when you didn't get me anything at all for my birthday!"

"Ugh! Don't start that Hyde! Whatever... Do you think I want to be dating PopStarChick?"

"Well... yes!" (I was coming straight out with it now.)

"You're wrong, Hyde. You're wrong. I don't want to be with her! Besides, who are you to talk? You were there at the opera with your ex-boyfriend. Your ex-BOYFRIEND!"

...and so on and so forth...

For the rest of the month, he talked about her more and more. But in February, he told me that she, like the Exhibitionist, was materialistic and willing to "settle" for any man that was handsome and rich-- true love or not.

There was hardly mention of her in March and April, but in May, he started to hang out with her more frequently. In June, he talked about her a lot more, and told me some inane story about how she was conned by an old man who convinced her he wanted to make a lingerie line for her.

Then, suddenly, in mid-July, he was dating her (with his: "still want to see you of course, but obviously we need to re-think how we spend our time together") and she became (as he put it in his blog) "simply The One (or some such thing). Darling. Beloved. Angel." Even so, the very day she left for Russia (August 19th), he called me to come down and see him. By mid-September, we were having sex again on a regular basis.

Does anyone but me find it strange that this girl had no interest in Narc for a year and a half, but she suddenly becomes his girlfriend the month before she has to return to Russia with visa issues? Case in point... this is from Narc's blog in August:

So no sooner were PopStarChick and I back from Miami than the renewal for her artist's visa, at long last, came on through.

Me: "Wow, that's fantastic baby!! What are we going to do? How are we going to celebrate?"

PopStarChick: "Well, you know how long it's been since I've been back to see my family..."

(PopStarChick's parents, you see, keep two residences in Russia: an apartment in Moscow as well as a cottage on the Black Sea. Thing is, though, PopStarChick herself hasn't been able to visit either for several years now, due to potential visa complications... But indeed, now that her 3-year renewal had come up--this along with my own assurances that I would, should any complications arise and should the Russian embassy decide to keep her in Moscow indefinitely, head over there myself, marry her (gypsy wedding and all!) and then bring her back with me to the States--it would seem that the PopStarChick was finally emboldened enough to risk venturing back out of the US to see her parents for several weeks.) A few days later: and she was booked on a flight to Moscow.

Anyway, it's incredibly plain to me that this girl is USING Narc and that he's an idiot and a fool for falling for it.

It hurts me too much to say any more than that right now. I just love him so much. My only consolation is that he promised me that he is not getting married this week-- only filing paperwork. He will be back in the States in a week and would have to go back to Russia in another month or so for an interview. Last night, he texted it to me again:

Not committing to anything this trip out.

Why is it that the harder things become and the crueler this is, the more I love him? It's like my first defense... don't feel. Just love. And I do. He says he loves me too. He promised to email me when he gets there. It's fucking insane. And I can't process... can't process at all.

Right now, I've gotta go. I'm listening to a CD I just bought-- a cheap Naxos recording called "THE ITALIAN DRAMATIC LAMENT." B and I went to Tower Records today as they're going out of business and have a sale.

"That's so Hyde!" he said. "You're nothing, if not consistent."

Anyway... that's it. Hope you're at least caught up on PopStarChick (whose name I'm debating changing to RussianWhore). Like I said-- I'll be back with more of the story when I can stomach it.

-h-