Limerence

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Limerence

Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state characterized foremost by intrusive thinking, longing for reciprocation, and sensitivity to external events that signify uncertainty on the one hand, and hope of reciprocation on the other. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair depending on the perceived behavior of the "limerent object," the person whose returned feeling is wished for.

Such terms that imply only brief durations, such as "having a crush," "infatuation," "passionate love," or "puppy love" do not refer to limerence, which often endures for many months or years. Limerence is also distinct in its focus on a single individual and its predictable responsiveness to external events.

It is important to note that limerence is not love in the sense of concern for the other’s well-being, nor is it mere sexual attraction. It has been contended that love, sexual attraction, and limerence can all exist for the same person, although the obtained data is not clear on this matter.

Limerence begins as a barely perceptible feeling of increased interest in a particular person, known as the limerent object, but one which, if nurtured by appropriate conditions, can grow to enormous intensity. In most cases it also declines, eventually to zero or to a low level. At this low level, limerence is either transformed through reciprocation or it is transferred to another person who then becomes the new limerent object. Under the best of conditions the waning of limerence through mutuality is accompanied by the growth of the emotional response more suitably described as love.

Limerence has certain basic components:

• intrusive thinking about the limerent object
• acute longing for reciprocation
• some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation
• fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence
  intensification through adversity
• acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object
• an aching in the chest or stomach when uncertainty is strong
• buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident
• a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
• a remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute.