News Flash...(with frozen fingers)

News Flash!

Narc is a prick.

(Was that news to anyone?)

He has completely ignored me all night and made me feel shaky and worthless. Well... wait a minute. I guess he can't make me feel anything. I'm the one making myself feel worthless.

I went out with a huge group of people after AA today. Meema really opened up to me about some of her issues with her husband. Then TT texted me. He wanted to meet up at Cheers. I went, arriving at around 11:00. I felt beautiful with my new hair, a low-cut top and gorgeous turquoise eye shadow.

I think it's kind of sweet that TT is still so actively and patiently pursuing me, even though I've given him very little to go on. (It's very Colonel Brandon of him!). It's flattering to get so much attention from him. But, I can't help it that I think he's kind of boring. I wish I didn't. He's a really great guy. I sang I Will Always Love You and blew everyone away. Even BarMan (who is sick to death of that song by now!) gave me a high-five modeled after those given by the volleyball players he coaches. He also invited me out for a surprise for IrishBird's birthday next week.

TT and his friend were ready to leave the bar at around 1:00 am. I was still maddened to have been ignored by Narc after the several texts I sent. TT walked me home, even though it was just across the street. It was very sweet. He kissed my cheek, but didn't push it.

I came home, but was unsettled. I decided to go back out-- to the Monster, a piano bar down in Hammer's neighborhood that Brick and I frequented this summer. I ended up having an amazing time! (Let's pause for a moment to reflect, though, on how ridiculous it is that I am running around the city like this, alone in the middle of the night with a sore throat and a fever! NOT sober behavior).

I met a couple there that said that they got together a few months ago when I sang a duet (Suddenly Seymour) with one of them and the other one was attracted by it. So, I had a hand in their romance and they tell everyone the story! I also saw "Bottom" there-- one of Brick's suitors. Apparently, he was afraid that I didn't like him after I once protectively came to Brick's defense. But we chatted a little this time and he told me that I am a beautiful, talented, humble, loyal and spiritual giving woman and that I deserve so much more than a guy who has me sitting around nervously checking my cell phone in clutched hand. It was really sweet.

The real kicker of the night, though, was my conversation with the pianist. He was definitely hitting on me. He was probably the only straight man in the room-- I could tell by the way he watched me eat a blow pop. He also complimented my bosom. (Hee hee!) But, we talked for a really long time-- about music, about careers, about life changes, and about our "former lives." (He believes he was Louis de Rouvroy, duc de Saint-Simon). I have to say, I greatly enjoyed our chat, even though his breath smelled like coffee and he is much too old for me. He gave me a warm embrace as I left and told me "not to be a stranger."

"Okay. I won't."

So, now it's nearly 4:00 am and I'm just getting home. Still no word from Narc. I'll fucking kill him if he calls me at 5:30 or something. It's freezing out tonight. It must have dropped into the 40's. I absolutely love it. A winter chill is in the air; my skin is as pale as snow; my eye shadow is a sparkling green; and my hair is the color of a deep, rich, red wine. I feel like a painting... a painting with frozen fingers. Isn't that what I've always wanted to be?

love,
h