So, I suppose I should begin the ordeal of telling this story, even though it has all begun to blur together, so much so that I don't even want to think about it...
The weekend got off to a good start. On Friday night, I talked to Liu for a long time on the phone. After that, NDN and I went out for Korean food, taking a lovely constitutional into Little Korea. There, we eavesdropped on a rather peculiar conversation in which the couple at the table next to us kept exclaiming "What about me???" "What about us???" It was a laugh.
On Saturday I headed off to an AA picnic in Central Park, organized by my home group. I wore my blue sweatshirt, which proved to be just the thing. I was in the mood for chain smoking and coffee, and so I indulged as I waited for Meema near the 86th street Lexington line station. We bused across to the West Side of the park and walked around into the field where the picnic was being held. One of our Wednesday night group members came to the picnic (I don't think I've named him yet) and Meema and I spotted him as soon as we arrived. We all stood around and chatted for a while. Also, it was a good opportunity for me to get to talk to other people in the group that I've thus far met on a "hello and goodbye" basis, but haven't gotten to be friends with yet. It was a beautiful fall day to spend in the park, and I had a really good time. Both Meema and our other group-friend left before I did. When I finally headed out, I decided to walk all the way home (about an hour long walk).
While I was walking, my phone rang. It was Lesecol- a girl that I met in AA a few weeks ago, and whom I recently called to try to befriend. She and I got into a long talk about boys and about sponsorship and I chatted with her for nearly my entire walk home.
I've been having some issues with my sponsor. When I called her on Friday, she was very direct.
"I don't want you to see Narc this weekend," she said. "And I want you to go to the movies with two other girls from our home group."
I felt like that was way too bossy of her, and I immediately got defensive. Of course, I didn't say that to her. Instead, I nodded and sweetly agreed to follow her suggestions. But inside, I was boiling. I don't like her interfering in my relationship with Narc in such a blunt way. I wondered if other people had this sort of problem and that's what I talked to Lesecol about for a long time.
Anyway, once I got home, I had to regroup and quickly start getting ready for NDN's birthday party that night. Bezoukhoff agreed to come with me as a "sober date" and so he showed up at my apartment at around 6:30. Then NDN, the birthday boy himself, arrived. He and Bezoukhoff hung around while I put the finishing touches on my makeup before we met up with RDN and all four of us caught a cab downtown.
NDN had his party at Congee Village-- a fabulous Chinese restaurant on the Lower East Side with private karaoke rooms downstairs. I first discovered Congee a few years ago, thanks to my friend Jake. Anyway, several other members of the party were already there. We had a blast. The food was amazing and there was so much of it! The karaoke listings included some bizarre Russian songs which RDN and Bezoukhoff attempted to sing for us. But the highlight of my night was NDN's absolutely stellar performance of Eminem's Stan (with his ex-girlfriend singing backup). NDN has a real talent for that and I never would have guessed it!
Anyway, it was after midnight when we decided to head back to our building for some late night celebrating. We all stopped over at RDN's apartment for a short while and then moved up to the roof. Unfortunately, the Chrysler Building has been shutting down it's beautiful lights at midnight (apparently to help migrating birds who are confused by city lights ), so we didn't have the building to light our party. Bezoukhoff was in "rare form" and RDN was very nice to me, so I think I have to forgive him a bit for his annoying behavior over Memorial Day. I was trying to have a carefree time, and it was a really fun party, but even so, I was feeling anxious about Narc. I had called him twice on Friday afternoon, just "to talk," but he never returned the call. So, in my anxiety, I wrote him an impulsive text on Saturday night:
What's up? Is there a reason you're not calling me back?
By 1:30 or so, I was getting tired and the party started to break up. Bezoukhoff walked me down to my apartment, and I got ready to turn in for the night.
When I got out of the bathroom, the makeup freshly wiped from my face, and I collapsed into bed, I saw that there was a message on my cell phone. I figured it was NDN. It wasn't. It was Narc.
Hey it's me. It's... I don't know...whatever time it is. I'm just out of my party in the West Village and uh... I got your text. No, I'm not avoiding you or anything. I'm just running around a little bit... in the past little bit. Anyway, checking in. So... give me a call when you can. Okay, bye.
As calls from Narc tend to do, it tied my stomach in knots. I started to reapply my makeup and sent him a text.
Just got your msg. Thanks. Leaving a party soon myself, so will call in a bit.
I wanted to buy myself some time. It was 2:00 am. I called him about ten minutes later.
"You'll never guess where I am!" he said.
"Um... where?"
"Guess!"
"Well... You left the West Village, so... I don't know."
I had an awful feeling that he was going to say he was at Cheers.
"I'm at the Patriot!" he laughed.
"Oh! I should have figured. How's the crowd?"
"Swamped. I'm sitting upstairs reading a god-awful short story that for some reason my friend thought was brilliant. It's so fucked up though. To give you an idea-- he describes the traffic light turning from ruby to amber to emerald. Horrible!"
"Yeah, that sounds pretty bad," I said.
"So... Are you coming down here or not?"
"You want me to come there now?"
"Yes!"
"Okay. Give me half an hour to forty minutes," I said, leaping off the bed and throwing some clean clothes on.
What are you doing, Hyde? What are you doing? What are you DOING?????
And I was off...
Stay tuned for more... Much more...
8 comments:
The Congee place sounds cool. And it sucks about the chrysler buildings lights. It's such an important part of the view from your place (he says knowingly!).
Keeping us waiting then, eh?
When does Narc's girlfriend come back into town?
I wouldn't get to attached... I know, I know.
Can't wait to hear how it ends...though you said it wasnt' good, so I'm a bit worried.
Guess I just have to wait.
Ugh. She's not his "girlfriend." Not really. In any case, I can't stand for you to say that.
I had a crazy long day today and didn't get to write more. Tomorrow is going to be crazy too... I've got to teach and then I have tickets to a playoff Mets game. But I'll try to get something in...
-h-
Ok, this has come up twice now so I'll respond.
It is strongly suggested in the rooms- not just by your sponsor- that you don't get involved in new relationships during your first year. Yes, I know Narc isn't new but he is on again, off again, you admit that it often hurts you and he's a real emotional trigger. That's also why we're told to watch out for people, places and things from our pasts which tie us up in knots and might lead to drinking or drugging, at least while we're new. It's a vulnerable time and though we feel perfectly capable of handling it, if/when things go wrong we have a tendency to crash and go back out. No, none of us like to be told what to do and like you, we resent it. It is, however, a wise suggestion and neither you nor Narc are being singled out by it. It is not a sponsor's job to tell you what to do, but it's also not a sponsor's job to tell you only what you want to hear or to support you in decisions they disagree with. And they usually have a good reason for the suggestions they make with personal experience to back it up. That doesn't mean that you have to do as they say. It's your choice, and your consequences either way.
Your sponsor's suggestion to go to the movies with a couple of other women in the program may not have been simply about you and Narc, either. Those women might have needed some more support from other AA women such as yourself, and it's always good to get to know more people.
Aravis-
I think the reason that I was bothered by what my sponsor said is that I KNOW that it's not a good idea for me to see Narc, and I'm really struggling with it already. And also, I have been making an effort to get to know other women, calling them, etc. I had a busy weekend planned and I felt like her instructions to find someone to go to the movies with was imposing. But, that said, you're right. It is hard for me to hear suggestions that I know I should follow, but don't feel ready to. So, maybe I'm just getting cranky about hearing what I don't want to hear.
Anyway, thanks for the support/advice...
-h-
I know Congee Village although I have never eaten there. And I am super jealous that you have tickets to a playoff game!
Regarding the real, important matters here, I'll just wait to hear the whole story.
That's ok Hyde, I hear things I don't want to hear all the time and I get just as cranky. You're doing great, don't forget that! *hug*
Hyde if you don't like the way your sponsor is relating to you, get a new sponsor.
But don't be surprised if your new sponsor sounds like a carbon copy of your old one.
Having said that. It does not hurt to change sponsors. Even though all good sponsors deliver the same message, it sometimes helps to hear it from different people.
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