All Cried Out

Once again, I'm all cried out.

I skipped services this morning because I was just too tired. I was blue. There's no other way to put it but "blue." Why? Well, it obviously has to do with everything that happened between me and Narc.

My eyes were red and swollen when I sent him the text:

I can't do this anymore... It's just too painful.

He answered, I wrote back again and then we ended up on the phone. We talked for nearly an hour and it was one of the only sober and honest conversations we've ever had.

The bottom line-- it doesn't work. It's not going to work. I've given him everything, including my dignity, and I've now risked my life for him... There's nothing left for me. I am self-combusting as a person. I am becoming destroyed.

So, it's over.

I know you've heard it before, and I can't speak to that. But here it is again...

It's over.

I'm all cried out now. I'm going to pick myself up and go to a meeting. Then I'm going to go break the fast with my family tonight, even though I don' t think I'm going to continue fasting. My pounding head and aching heart are demanding some nourishment.

Like I said in the last post... I'll be back with the whole story when I have some time on Tuesday.

For now, all I know is that it hurts. It fucking hurts.

-h-