Wiped

I am completely wiped. I was supposed to teach this afternoon. I had to call and cancel. I've been sick for three weeks now. I took a six hour nap this afternoon. I hope it helps me kick this thing. Funny, though, I think it's the spiritual and emotional struggle that's draining me this way.

Brick said something to me the other day that made a lot of sense to me--

"If you're having trouble doing a step, it probably means you haven't really finished the one before."

So, I went back and looked at step three. He's right. I haven't really accomplished it. It says in the Twelve and Twelve that all I need as a start is "willingness." I thought I had that. But when it comes to Narc, I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I started drafting a post about all of the events of the past week (and weekend) on Wednesday. I wrote a little and then had to stop. Then I wrote a little more this afternoon and had to stop. I'm working on it though. It's hard for me to focus on anything right now, but it's coming soon.

Tonight I was invited to a surprise party for IrishBird's birthday (open bar and all). I told PumpedUp that I would try to stop by, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm really struggling with my sobriety right now. Maybe I should quit playing Russian roulette. In any case, I called her at around 11:00 this morning to wish her a happy birthday. She said I was the first person to call her. She seemed really appreciative and that felt good to me. I just like to make people happy sometimes.

Well, that's it for now. I'm wiped. Completely wiped. And I should either drag myself out to a meeting or get back in bed...

love,
h