Hammer says there's life beyond Narc.
She has forwarded me the following posts from Craigslist:
Good girl........secretly a SUBMISSIVE SLUT
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4w/159434251.html
Date: 2006-05-10, 2:35PM
SEEKING SUBMISSIVE FEMALE FOR A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4w/159469214.html
Date: 2006-05-10, 4:04PM
I don't know about those... But reading Craigslist has posed some strange logistical questions, as to how people actually carry these things out. After one ad that we read, as Hammer put it--
What, are you gonna say to the doorman "let a creepy stranger in. we're playing rape"??
Anyway, it's all given me a few good laughs.
In other news, I'm having blog-malaise. Anyone know of any good cures?
I went to the doctor this week and got my bloods back. The results? My kidneys are fine (hooray!), but my liver has two enzymes that are increasingly fucked up. That should be fixable, but my insulin is through the roof! (But then again-- that should also be fixable.) I'm now on some "medical food" for the next two weeks and off of alcohol. (I know you don't believe me, but I don't care). Today is day 4 and counting...
In terms of Narc, while Hammer's Craigslist finds are oh so enticing, ;) I can't help the feeling that life beyond Narc is not about to begin for me just yet. Why should it, anyway? Dealing with boys is only number five on my list of priorities, and I have much too much else to take care of right now.
After I texted him on Tuesday night, I sent him a little "happy birthday" email on Wednesday. Then I came home and saw Chris Daughtry voted off Idol. Narc and I were both sure that Daughtry would win, so I sent him another text: Call me when you see idol results!
I didn't hear back from him until yesterday evening when he wrote: Fucking fuck. Didn't call it this time I guess... and then he called me.
We spoke for a few minutes. He said that he went to see a play with ModelChick (his ex) in the afternoon on his birthday and then he went out bar-hopping with friends that night, ending at the Patriot. I laughed at that.
I told him that I'm off drinking for the foreseeable future because I'm "on a diet." (It's easier to put it to him that way, and not have to have him argue with me that I'm not an alcoholic and that alcoholism isn't a disease and that I don't need to stop drinking.) He said that he means to lose weight too and should probably give up drinking for a few weeks as well.
"I would have done it this week, except my friend, LA-friend was here. And then I had my birthday," he explained.
"Yeah, I would have done it last week," I agreed, "except that Flash was coming."
I realized Narc had been out drinking every night since I had seen him on Friday. Is that my life too?
He invited me to come down and see him, again with limits.
"Come hang out," he said. "But I may have plans with some friends at around 9:00."
"Narc, it's nearly 8:00 now," I said. "That doesn't make sense. Why don't you just call me later when you know whether or not you're going out?"
In the end, we were both tired and never ended up meeting up. Instead, I caught up with NDN for a while and then went to bed.
All of that aside, this has been an excruciatingly hard week for me, starting on Sunday (despite the fact that Flash was still here then). As I already said, it was the anniversary of my dad's death on Sunday, and I ended up getting into a huge fight with my sisters.
This whole week and even right now I've been riddled with feelings of guilt and fear that are difficult for me to sort through and even more difficult to write about.
On Wednesday I started obsessing about drinking smack in the middle of my choir rehearsal. By the time choir let out, the anxiety was overwhelming me, as I had made the decision not to go to Cheers, but I couldn't sit with that decision. That night was torture. I called my mom and we spoke for an hour, the conversation interspersed with more tears. I do have to say, though, I have the most wonderful mom imaginable. I'm serious-- I couldn't even dream up a better one!
Nevertheless, when we hung up, I still felt anxious. So I took two valium, a candlelit bubble bath, some hot tea and I listened to soothing music. Even still, I had trouble getting calm. Only after nearly an hour in the bubble bath, at around 1:00 am did I start to feel more sedated... drowsy. So I quickly shifted to my bed, to try to take advantage of the moment. I fell asleep without too much trouble after that.
Anyhow, that's it for now, I guess... I really feel like I have nothing in particular to share. I don't know. I feel like the energy on my blog is low... from me and from my readers. It happens... So I may take longer breaks between posts. Not sure...
Hope everyone is having a happy Friday. I know I am, if only because this is the last Friday I have this crap teaching schedule! So I'll end on a good note... Yay!
love,
h
11 comments:
Next time try 2, 3, 4 hours in the bath. Then you can become like David Blaine. Wrinkly!
good luck with the introspection. hugs.
Sarah-- thanks!
Hammer-- Hmmm... remember how to revive him? I do! ;)
Hey. Don't you be worrying about us. You post as and when you feel the need and/or the inspiration, and I'm sure we'll all be here for you when you're ready.
How can I say this without sounding either patronising or ridiculous? Well, you seem to be doing really, really well and I'm rooting for you.
You go Firecracker!
By the way - did you say that you have read the Da Vinci Code? I have a feeling you said you were just going to watch the film Ooooohhhhhhhh. I know the historian in you is gonna love that.
*sigh* There must be better things I can be doing with my life than ploughing through that crap.
Anyway.
Good Friday? Yeah.... not so bad, thanks!
ST
Revive hiM?
Well, if you're really interested in some of the logistics...maybe in the future I can fill you in. Some of what's described in those ads are similar to SlowTalker's "play" interests. And I am also intrigued.
As for life after Narc, it's there for you...but really he should be well gone before it begins.
Hang in there, quitting is terribly anxiety provoking.
Ah, Craigslist, as frightening a cross-section of society as there ever was. I can't believe that kind of shit is in the "m4w" category! The "w4m" is comparatively tame.
The blog is for you. You are not for the blog. Write or don't, it's up to you. From time to time I just post about other things I've read online when I don't feel like discussing the minutae of my day. It's easy and still counts.
I kinda know how you feel Honey, it's all just back to normal isn't it? *sigh*
Hyde,
This is PERFECT. Would you be my sex-slave? I mean you live right next door, how convenient would that be? I would require TOTAL and COMPLETE submission on your part. Safety words are for pussies.
NDN, I've told you a million times that once we start having sex you can do whatever you want to me. (Have I not?)
And c'mon... You KNOW I've been counting down the days until you would propose something like this!
Let's talk later...
-h-
Isn't it convenient that the Alliance Expedition to the NYC Porn Expo is next Saturday? Perfect timing! It will be like a super-market shopping for our new adventures together.
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