What's Happened to Hyde?

What's happened to Hyde?

I've gotten myself into a program that requires 3 hours of therapy a day, four days a week. Of course, that's on top of my normal weekly therapy. Now, we all know that I can go on and on about myself forever, but even for me-- that's a lot of self-processing!

As such, I've lost the urgency to blog. In fact, I'm fucking exhausted and don't want to think about my thoughts or feelings for one more second!!!

That said, I made a new friend-- an immediately close friend and I've spent the bulk of the past two days with him, getting to know him and comparing "war stories." We have a hell of a lot in common. I need to think of a blog name for him, as I'm sure he'll be reappearing.

And on the Narc front, you ask? He texted me twice last night while I was at my new friend's place with my cell phone off. (My battery died). He wrote:

Seen "Idol" yet? Think I feel Patriot calling...

and then

Patriot was dead, so got a meatball sandwich and came home to watch "Idol." God, I am such a loser...

Well, he plucked my heart strings. I immediately called him back and arranged to see him. On the way down there, I stopped in at Cheers to say hi.

"Hyde! We can't pay our rent around here anymore!" PumpedUp bemoaned.

"Sorry!"

I went to see Narc. He was supremely depressed. His hair was cut. He had been at some swanky party with two friends--both girls. Both ditched him without a word.

Poor Narc!
(Stop thinking that way, Hyde!).

I tried to cheer him up. It didn't work. We watched a good portion of Batman Begins. I remembered when he went to see that on IMAX with his friends last summer and didn't invite me. We had strange sex-- difficult to initiate, distant feeling anal sex. Narc had to get water immediately afterwards.

Someone once said that "the asshole is the window to the soul." I understood her point at the time, but somehow it never feels that way for me.

Today, Narc sent me another text: Lunching at Hoi An, then over to visit my ducks.

A few hours later, he sent me a picture of one of the ducks. It was cute. I was melted. I wrote back:

That is so sweet! Your ducks have returned to their rightful home. Yay! I ate lunch outside today and enjoyed the sunshine too. Idol results tonight. But I have to wait til after my choir to watch. Let me know if you want to meet up later...

Anyway, I'm really glad I made a new good friend. We clicked immediately. It's cool.

And I am thinking a lot lately about self-manufactured misery. I'm as addicted to Narc as I am to alcohol... maybe even more so. It's fucking hard. At least Jack Daniels doesn't send me text messages asking me to meet him.

Tough.

Things are tough right now.

But I'm in the thick of it, and it's not so bad to be a little proactive...

love,
h