More of the Same?

I don't know why I'm awake right now. I really don't want to be. It's the first Friday I haven't had to teach in a really long time, and I wanted to sleep in. I didn't even set my alarm! Yet, here I am at 9:00 am, awake and posting. Maybe I'll go back to bed after this (a la Hammer).

One of the reasons I think I'm awake is that I had an uneasy sleep last night. I was so exhausted that I was collapsing into bed at only 11:30 when I got a text from Narc telling me that he was at the Patriot,

"Dying..."

I asked him what was wrong and told him I was going to bed. I didn't hear back.

After that, I could only manage a very light sleep. I kept waking up and checking my cell phone. He wrote back an hour or two later and basically said that he was "still dying..."

I fell back asleep. But I kept waking up.

At 3:45, I sent him a text: Feeling better?

He didn't write back, so I guess he had managed to go to bed himself. I felt guilty and uneasy. I still do. I feel like I should have done something else last night. But I was so fucking tired. I was literally falling asleep on my feet as I washed up for bed. What else could I have done? Why do I still feel like this? I'm hoping that he calls me today. I feel like I need to "make up for last night." Isn't that nuts? Or am I just the definition of "codependent?"

Anyway, as for "Happy Hyde," I guess I'm still okay, although some of the sparkle, the edge has worn off. I got very little sleep this week and saw a hell of a lot of Narc:

Sunday night: 4 hrs. of sleep
Monday night: Slept at Narc's place/5 hrs. of sleep
Tuesday night: 4 hrs. of sleep
Wednesday night: Spent the day and then slept at Narc's place/ 5.5 hrs. of sleep
Thursday night: Finally! 9 hrs. of sleep!

So... Like I said in my last past (the one before Philip Seymour Hoffman), on Wednesday morning I went to see Narc after teaching.

He opened the door all scruffy and naked and hungover and led me back to bed. He said he needed to sleep for another hour or so. I didn't mind, as I was exhausted, so I crawled into bed with him for a nap. Then, like I said... sex, sex, sex.... and finally, around 2:00 we had to get up. Why? We heard a buzz at the door.

That's the maid!" Narc exclaimed.

"Clothes!"

I threw my clothes on, as did he.

"We have to get out of here," he said.

"I don't like to be home while she cleans up."

"Okay..."

Could it be? Bourgeois guilt?

"Mary Ann's," he announced. (That's the Mexican place not far from his apartment.)

"We need strawberry margaritas."

"Yeah, but I'm not drinking Narc, remember?"

"Oh, c'mon... This isn't drinking. It's brunch. And besides, margaritas aren't the problem."

"I'm just trying to stick to my 'diet,' that's all. I lost six pounds already. It's working. If it works, it works, right?"

"It's all the sugar in whiskey that's doing it to you. A margarita won't hurt."

What, so frozen strawberry margaritas have no sugar? This was ridiculous.

"Whatever... I'm just going to stick with my diet cokes for now."

I don't think he liked that answer, but he accepted it.

So, we went to Mary Ann's and sat where, of all place? At the bar. It was okay, though.

Narc kept texting people over lunch. He was upset that he had been turned down the night before at the velvet rope outside The Double Seven, even though he knows a girl that bartends there. I could see it already. This girl is the new Exhibitionist/PopStarChick. The one Narc is going to chase after. For those "in the know," the Double Seven staff was trained by Sasha Petraske of Milk & Honey fame (they only hire the absolutely hottest bartenders) and they've also got a new place (a little more low brow) on the Lower East, called the East Side Company Bar. All of this stuff interests me very little, as I can't stand the scene, but Narc just had to get in touch with this BartenderBabe over lunch. Then, of course, he had to text PopStarChick, as she loves strawberry margaritas and he had to call ModelChick (his ex-girlfriend) to make plans to go to the movies that night.

Oh yeah. This is Narc, I remembered. This is why I can't do this.

I flipped through a copy of the New York Times that someone had left behind.

When he was through with his phone calls, Hammer texted me. She was feeling down.

"You should invite her out," Narc suggested. "Tell her I need a new drinking buddy."

Could he make a more pointed remark?

I did as he asked. Hammer, of course, responded by asking if I were okay and if my priority list was still in order. I assured her that it was. She said she couldn't come out because she was in the library.

"Ugh. Tell her she's a wanker," Narc said.

I passed the message along.

The rest of the afternoon's conversation was strange. We talked about Narc trying to make his new movie. I tried to tell him a little about the fight I had with my sisters on the anniversary of my dad's death (I don't know why). And we talked about how Narc thinks that women are "whores." It turns out that ModelChick had agreed to get back together with her most recent ex-boyfriend "just because he offered to take her to Bermuda for the weekend."

"Tell me she's not a whore!" he said.

"I don't know her, Narc. I can't say... Maybe she's just lonely."

"We're all fucking lonely," he said. "She just doesn't have any character, that's all. I mean, seriously... just when I thought my opinion of women couldn't possibly get any lower!"

"Are you still angry at her?" I asked.

"Why?"

"For the breakup and all?"

"Because she cheated on me?"

"Yeah."

"No..." He stopped to think about it. "No. Not at all. That was so long ago. I'm more angry at myself. I mean-- she is who she is! I knew she was shallow when I got together with her. That's her nature. I should have known that if she went off to Italy she was going to fuck some guy. If I'm angry with anyone, I'm angry with myself for expecting anything more from her. I mean look at it-- she's changed her lifestyle now. When I met her, she was all whiskey and blow. Now she works in a bank and does yoga. But she's still the same old shallow ModelChick. And she's still acting like a whore."

His answer made me sad.

"I don't know where you meet them..." was all I could manage to say.

My phone was sitting out on the bar. It was covered in a leather case (as I had broken the previous phone twice) and was looking all grimy.

"Look at your fucking 'Mad Max' phone," he said, changing the subject. "Aren't you due for a new one? We need to go get you your new pink Razr!"

"Ok."

"And after that, it's home to clean sheets. We need to break them in."

"Ok!"

So we went to the Verizon store and I got my new phone. And then we went back to his place and "broke in" the clean sheets. We settled in on the couch to watch the previous night's American Idol, but before long it was 6:15 and I had to take off for rehearsal.

**************
I just took an hour long break from writing this post to crawl back into bed and then talk to Hammer on the phone. There are enormous claps of thunder outside!
**************

Anyway... where was I? Oh yes-- my choir rehearsal. I didn't get home from rehearsal until 10:45. It was just then that I got a text from Narc! Need company! Come over? he wrote. Ok! I called him back and told him I could be there by midnight.

NDN "knocked me up" to give me a belated birthday present. He got me some bubble bath and a salt soak, all to help me "decompress," as I'm into the long baths these days. (Thanks, NDN!).

After that, I had taped American Idol for IrishBird so I stopped over at Cheers to give it to her before heading down to see Narc again.

A fairly new regular, EgyptianGirl was there, and IrishBird was saying how all three of us should have a "girls night" some time. Maybe... EgyptianGirl kind of annoys me. I feel like once she starts talking I can never end the conversation with her. Maybe it was just that I was particularly in a rush on Wednesday. Even though I had spent the whole day with him, I was anxious to get back to Narc.

I brought him some half baked ice cream, and when I arrived we settled in to watch the Idol results show. Then I had to take a shower while he watched the beginning of Boston Legal. He was frustrated with how long it took me to dry my hair. (Flash, weren't you too?) It was all so strangely domestic though...

Then more sex, and to bed at around 3:00. Sex has been different lately. I don't want to go into detail, but it is not our usual...

Anyway, while we were drifting off to sleep, I heard my cell phone beep with a text message in the next room.

"Don't get it," Narc said. "It's probably some drunk dialer."

"No... what if it's an emergency?"

"If it's an emergency, they would call and not text!"

I lay there for a while, but I am my mother's daughter... I had to get up and check it. It was Hammer with a Mohawk drama. She seemed okay, so it would be dealt with in the morning.

So... that was Wednesday.

On Thursday I had some business to attend to in the morning and then I briefly met up with my sister before meeting B at the movies to see Mission Impossible III. I was excited to see the movie mostly for Philip Seymour Hoffman (with a wink and a shout out to Hammer!) and I was pleased to find that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers was in the movie too. I've had a crush on him ever since I saw him play Elvis in that TV movie (pictured to the left!)

The movie was a typical summer blockbuster-- all action and eye candy and very little plot, but B and I both enjoyed it.

Afterwards, I stopped off in Borders to pick up a book that Narc recommended-- Perfume : The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Susskind. It's about a guy who has an extraordinary sense of smell and murders virgins to make perfume out of them.

"It's twisted. You'll love it," Narc said.

(Has anyone else read it?)

It turns out that Tom Twyker is doing the movie set for release in December...

Anyway, after that, I came home depressedly. I was anxious to have nothing planned for the evening. So I just watched some TV and collapsed into bed. I really needed the sleep.

Narc texted me at around 11:30: Patriot. Dying...

H: Why dying? I'm exhausted. Just crawled into bed... How'd it go w/ the writing? (PS: You're right. It IS easy to text with this phone!)

He wrote me again at 1:00 am, but I was already asleep. Like I said, it was a fitful sleep. I kept nervously waking up and checking my phone.

This morning, there were more texts exchanged:

H: How was the rest of your night? I went to bed SO early. Today just cleaning house, etc. So let me know if you want to hang later. May be on LI Sat night and Sun...

N: Ugh...

H: What happened? Call me if you want... :)

N: Nah. Nothing big. Just can't seem to get out of bed...

H: Is it thundering loud by you too? Today is def a stay in bed kind of day...

N: Was thundering a while ago. No longer. Can drop by if you want...

H: Yes, would love to but must do laundry. Will you be around in a few hrs? What's your plan?

N: Eh, lounging about. Must meet PopStarChick later to scan and print a few things for her artist visa app. Can come now and do laundry later...

H: What time are you meeting her?

N: Few hours. 4 or so.

I haven't written back yet. I don't know what to do. This is painful though.

Well, I guess that's it for now. In any case, whether I do laundry or see him, I at least have to get dressed. And while I started this post at 9:00 am, it's now noon. Time to get going with my day.

later...

-h-

PS: I am so shakey right now!

I just wrote back: I am not even dressed & sort of in cleaning mode right now. Why don't we just meet up later? After you help PopStarChick?

He said: Will let you know later.

I said: Ok.

Like I just said to Hammer: It had to be done. I can't go there for 2 hours and then get kicked out. It would suck too much.

-h-