I'm anxious right now.
I fucking hate this feeling.
I want a drink.
I'm thinking of Narc and wanting to kiss him. I really, really want to kiss him. I haven't heard from him since Thursday, but then as luck would have it, I magically found out that he's in Florida. When that happened I felt a little better.
I did a lot this weekend-- it was a spiritually "awake" weekend, but I don't have it in me to write about all of that right now. Right now I'm just anxious. And I want to relax and to feel Narc's lips on mine. That's the only thing in the world that I want. (Oh yeah... besides that drink...) I just want his lips. He has very nice lips. They're perfectly shaped.
B hasn't called me back since yesterday and it is VERY unlike him. Usually the longest it takes for him to get back to me is a few hours. I'm worried. I sent him a text 40 minutes ago asking, Are you okay? If he doesn't answer in another two hours, I'm going to get very worried. I'm going to make myself give it two hours, but then I'm going to freak out.
I'm anxious.
Did I say that already?
I just got back from Long Island for Mother's Day. I could have been a mother today. Stop it, Hyde. Don't think things like that. I remember last year at this time. Things were so strange. I remember last year when Narc went to Florida. It was the first day of June. I'm anxious.
Hammer invited me down to her place to hang out with her and Maximus, as I'm feeling a little "out of sorts." It might be a good idea to go. Then again, I have to be up at 6:00 am tomorrow. Maybe it's not a good idea to go.
I feel like I'm about to get depressed. I kind of want to chain smoke and listen to depressing music. Can I do that without drinking? I wonder what it would be like...
I have trouble sitting still, but I'm so tired.
More on the weekend tomorrow. There were a lot of beautiful things... A lot to tell about. But I can't right now. I'm too anxious. And all I can think of is kissing Narc.
So here I am... five days in and holding.
-h-
8 comments:
You hang in there Hydeywydeywoowooo!
Of course you can chain smoke & listen to miserable music without having a drink, that's a pretty normal night in for me!
Love & hugs
When the thought of a drink and/or of Narc crosses your mind, move a muscle and change a thought. Get up and do something. Chores, errands, gym, whatever. You live in a place where there's always something to see and do. Take advantage of that to take your mind off of the other things. This helps with the anxiety as well.
Just some suggestions from one who has been there...
What about happy music? A movie? No?
Where/ why is he in Florida? Do you want me to find and stalk him for you? I am a fairly experienced stalker.
-VJ
Ha ha! VJ... He's in Boca Raton. That's where his mom lives. He also lived there for half of high school...
-h-
PS: Dan-- Happy music is great int he right place at the right time. I was just in the mood to brood.
Aravis-- thanks for the suggestions. I've read back a bit in your blog recently, and so I know where you're coming from.
Flash-- thanks for the love and hugs. Those are always welcome!!!
:)
h
Narc is in Rat's Mouth. How appropriate. The school I teach at is about 20 minutes away. Maybe I should take my class on a field trip so they can experience the art of surveillance. It is perfect timing, since we are just beginning a unit on government.
-VJ
jack will always be here for you!
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