The All New "Jack and Diet"

On Monday night, I was filled with Jack and Diet! Not my usual "Jack Daniels" and Diet Coke, but instead, "Jack Bauer" and Diet Coke. It was all hosted by Hammer. I have to say-- Jack Bauer is equally intoxicating and hangover free!

I spent a lot of time at Hammer's place this weekend-- Saturday night, Sunday night and then Monday night! (We had a lot of "24" catch up to do!). While I was there, I got those texts from Narc and I'm grateful I had Hammer to help me through them. If I were alone, I might have been tempted/pressured into meeting him at the Patriot. Hammer helped me stay rational and in line with my "priorites." I am sticking to my list of priorities come hell or high water. I am always so scared that if I don't do what he wants, he's not going to want to see me. (I can hear my therapist now-- "Then, what are you holding on to, Hyde?!?!?") But this time, I stuck to my guns, and in the end, he agreed to meet me at his place. It was funny, though... during that whole text drama, Hammer's pilot suitor was instant messaging her and I was trying to maintain a conversation with him.

"Just watch," Hammer warned. "He'll try to turn the talk to sex at any chance he gets!"

That, he did.

Anyway, I got to Narc's lobby at around 12:45 am, Monday night. The doorman, Chris, buzzed him. He didn't answer.

"Did you see him just come back?" I asked. "He should have just gotten back from the bar."

"No. He hasn't been in or out since I've been on here at 11:00," he told me.

"What?!?"

I called Narc. He was still at the Patriot.

"Just meet me here," he said. "The basketball game is tied up and we're all waiting for it to finish. A bunch of people bet on the game, and I have to wait it out. Come here."

Narc doesn't watch sports. I'd be surprised if he could name five basketball teams!

"I'm not coming there," I said. "I'll wait for you in your lobby. Just hurry, okay?"

I sat down on the lobby sofa with a huff and called Hammer. When I hung up, the doorman raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I'm quitting drinking," I said. "And he wants me to meet him at the bar. I don't want to. I just hope he shows up here soon."

The doorman seemed very interested in this topic and started to ask me about it further, but our conversation was curtailed by Narc's arrival. All for the best-- it's never good to start gossip like that in someone's building.

I was feeling really strong and proud of myself for my resolve. I was also feeling good that Narc met me on my terms and not in the bar! Maybe this "setting boundaries" thing really works.

We ended up having an amazingly beautiful night. I was watching him smoke cigarettes by the window, thinking but one thought-- that I am in love with him. But as I told Hammer last night-- in order for me think like that, my brain is ignoring half of the facts... three quarters of the facts... I have to try to fight against my brain disposing of all that "unpleasant" information. It's not easy for me, but even in my moments of "love," I have to stay rational.

He asked about my cabaret. I told him it went well, but that my mom said that I needed to make more eye contact with the audience. He told me that he had just gotten back from Florida where his mom was clearing out some old family stuff and gave him some antiques-- three gold pocket watches (one of them Tiffany's) that belonged to his great grandfather and an original Salvador Dali gold and diamond ring

"You didn't tell me you were going to Florida," I said.

"Oh, I didn't?"

"No."

"Well, it was a last minute decision. I was only there Saturday and Sunday. I barely survived. Without the martinis, my mom and I would have tortured each other."

I had a fabulous time inspecting the antiques.

He told me he had come back to NY just in time for an all day screenwriting seminar run by Robert McKee.

"Was it worth it?"

"Not really. He didn't say anything I didn't know. And the movies we watched were dated-- Chinatown and Through a Glass Darkly..."

(What?!? Through a Glass Darkly??? That's too weird...)

We didn't watch any TV. We just talked. And he wanted me. I haven't felt that from him in a really long time. It felt really good-- the way he looked at me. We ended up having sex for hours and hours and hours and the kissing was incredible. I was so fucking happy. It was a perfect, PERFECT night.

When we finally got into bed, we had more sex and then he gave me Pushkin the Penguin to sleep with. I was happy. The next morning I woke up without a problem. I got myself together and nudged him.

"Narc, I've got to go. Did you have that money you were going to pay me back?"

To my surprise he got up out of bed to get it for me. Wow. So all debts are settled. I was in love (damn it!) and off to therapy.

Therapy was a good one-- talked mostly about family stuff, sibling dynamics, etc. After that, it was off to my endocrinologist, where I happily learned of my six pound weight loss. While I was waiting to leave my co-pay, I noticed an open patient file on the counter next to me. The name of the patient? "Stanley Kowalski." (What is UP with all of these strange signs?)

I had another appointment in the afternoon. Then, finally, I had to get ready for my cabaret.

I wore the glossiest, brightest red lipstick I could find, and outrageous glittering eye shadow. The show went really well. I was incredibly nervous, but think I was loosened up even more than last week. Afterwards, I waited in the downstairs area of the piano bar for my friends and family to gather. My arms filled with flowers, everyone was milling around congratulating me, when I saw someone strange. Guess who came to see my show? Manwich's friend, P! A random suitor from Cheers! What?!?! (In case you guys don't remember, P has been "courting me" since March, but I'm not interested. He most recently freaked me out when he got very angry about people "coughing on him.") I didn't even remember telling him about the show, so I was shocked to see him there. I made some obligatory chit chat and told him I was going out with my family after, but thanked him for coming.

My Aunt, Uncle and cousin Jol left, while Hammer, Bezoukhoff, my mom, stepdad and I went for a bite to eat. After that, I walked Hammer home and we gossiped a little.

Back in my neighborhood, I stopped at Cheers to say hi to IrishBird and ended up hanging for about half and hour with her, BarMan, ThursdayGirl and PumpedUp. Like I said last night-- I was surprised at how encouraging they were of my new life plan. BarMan, ThursdayGirl and I were all talking about sex and they asked me if Narc is really good in bed and to rate him from 1-10 (something I was loathe to do!). It was a funny conversation though. Everything felt "light."

I already reported my text exchange with Narc last night to you guys. The only thing to add? When I woke up this morning, I had two more.

Sent at 3:56 am: So wake me up.
Sent at 4:47 am: So you coming to wake me up or not?

He sent that only an hour before I got up!

But that's where I'm off to now... to "wake him up."

I taught my last class of the semester today. Now all I have left is to give finals and grade papers. Not bad...

So... Still happy!

Hyde