The Sorceress (Part I)

The night I met Narc was a little crazy. The night he almost died-- Saturday, November 25th, was a little crazy too. I started to tell the story in my post, Thanksgiving Surprise. I left off when B left my apartment, and Narc finally called me back.

"How are you feeling?!? I was so worried about you," I exclaimed.

"Still not feeling too great. Coughing a lot... and can't breathe."

He was hacking and wheezing all the while on the phone.

"Oh, Narc! That's terrible! I wish there were something I could do."

"Well, I really can't walk much," he began, "so it would be great if you could bring some things here. I mean... I can't really get out to the store."

"Of course! What do you need?"

He gave me a list that included NyQuil and DayQuil and Vicks Vapo-rub and Fiji water and lemons and gatorade. I set off to Duane Reade to fill the request.

Also, may want to bring toilet paper, unless you want to rough it... (grin), he wrote to me while I was on my way down.

I had a lot of mixed feelings about going to his place and playing the role of "caretaker." On the one hand, I wanted to be there for him because he was sick. But on the other, it was building resentment and anger in me, as I know that he would never do the same for me. And I can't help but wish that he would.

While I was in the cab heading down there, he called me again.

"Don't bother coming," he said, glumly. "My friend-- you know, the one that's my neighbor-- the Sorceress-- She thinks that I need to go to the ER after all, so I'm gonna head out."

"Wait...what?!? Why does she think you have to go? Are you okay???"

"She called her sister, who's a doctor. And her sister thinks that it might be a pulmonary embolism. I don't know... But she knows people at NYU, and she said that she'll ride over with me, so..."

"Narc-- just wait for me to get there, okay? I'll go with you to the hospital. I'm almost to your house."

When I got to his place, he looked fine, but he was still coughing and wheezing.

"Where's your neighbor?" I asked.

"I don't know," he frowned. "She left to do a few things. She said she was gonna get a car and then call up for me to come down."

"Can you even make it down there?" I wondered. "You look like you're winded just talking to me!"

"I think I can do it, if we go slowly," he said.

A few minutes later, the Sorceress called up. I took Narc's arm and slowly led him down to the lobby and out to the cab. The Sorceress was sitting in the front seat with the cab driver. I helped Narc get in.

Hello, I'm Hyde, I wanted to say. But the Sorceress didn't give me a chance. She completely ignored me. She didn't even ask who I was, or why Narc was suddenly accompanied by a friend. Instead, she cut off all opportunity for introductions by shouting at the cab driver.

"Let's move!" she screamed. "This man is SICK and he needs to get to the hospital! I want you to take 'the Drive.'"

I don't know if I can possibly describe this woman and do her any justice. But, I guess I have to try. She was a large but solid, toned and big-boned woman-- probably about 5'8" and (I would guess?) a size 14. She was wearing jogging pants and a skin tight lycra top that looked like it might have been intended as a sports bra. Underneath her shirt, you could see that she had on a bra that was much too small and it cut into her huge breasts, pushing half of them up, causing them to flood out of the bra. Her hair was a short, bright orange, spiked in all directions. Her skin was as pale as any I've seen, creamy and smooth. Her lips were pink and swollen, like Angelina Jolie's. And she had piercing, watery green eyes. She had a beautiful face, but a hard edge. As for her demeanor? She was clearly manic. She kept barking out orders, moving her head around while she spoke, landing her hands on her hips or wildly swinging her arms. And she didn't let anyone get a word in edgewise. All in all, it was really quite striking. I, rather submissively, kept quiet, silently stroking Narc's hand in the back seat.

"I want you to merge into the other lane, Sir!" she snapped. "Sir! Sir? Did you hear what I said to you? I want you to merge over here!"

"Yes, yes, I'm going," the taxi driver mumbled.

"Is there a PROBLEM, Sir?" she asked, her voice riddled with condescension. She slowed down and spoke loudly, as if he couldn't understand English. "WE - HAVE - A - SICK - MAN - in this car! And I need you to do what I say!"

With that she turned from the driver with a huff and leaned her head out of the open passenger side window. There she stayed, her head hanging out the window like a dog's, silently gazing at the river and the reflected city lights.

"The city is really quite beautiful, isn't it?" I whispered to Narc.

He smiled at me awkwardly.

Narc kept coughing. And I? I felt like I wanted to cry. In silent sympathy for the cab driver, I wanted to apologize to him for the Sorceress' behavior, but I couldn't. I didn't want to meet her wrath. In an instant, she had completely dominated everyone in the car-- including Narc.

Finally we pulled off the drive and neared the hospital.

"I want you to all shut up and let me speak!" she roared.

No one said a word.

"When we get there, I want you to KEEP YOUR MOUTHS SHUT! I'll handle it."

Then she turned to the cab driver.

"Sir? Sir! I want you to pull in over here."

"I can't, Miss. The sign says no turn."

"I don't care what it says! You're going to be my personal ambulance. Turn! Right here! Right HERE! TURN!"

The driver turned to her in amazement. "Are you drunk?!?!" he asked, a scowl on his face.

She let out a peal of laughter.

"I ASSURE you, Sir! I am ONE- HUNDRED- PERCENT sober! I am POSITIVELY sober! Just do what I say and pull in. I need you to be my ambulance. Don't worry about it. Just shut up and let me do the talking! GO!"

The driver followed her instructions, and with that, she leapt out of the car at the Emergency Room ambulatory entrance.

"Was she talking to me, just now?" the cab driver asked, in anger. "Telling me to 'shut up?' Because I won't be spoken to like that!"

"No, no!" I tried to reassure him, all the while still rubbing Narc's arm. "She was talking to us. She just wants to be the one to explain to the doctors what's going on. She's just under a lot of stress," I said. "We're all just a little scared about the situation right now."

My chest felt tight. I still wanted to cry. The Sorceress came around to Narc's side of the car with an EMT and a wheelchair. That left me to pay the driver's $20 fee.

"I'm sorry!" I told him again, as I climbed out. "I really am. Have a nice night!"

Then. I joined Narc and the Sorceress just in time to hear him protesting his forced confinement to the wheelchair.

"I'm really okay to walk the few feet," he said.

"Just LISTEN TO ME!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to get you in right away. No lines. Nothing. You have to advocate for yourself here. I know. I KNOW. I fucking KNOW how it works! Just let me handle it! For Christ's sake! I sit on the board of this fucking hospital and I know what you have to do to get the best care. Just shut up and listen!"

She quickly strode ahead of us in a tizzy, her walk forceful but crooked, her arms swinging, her neck bobbing around. To tell you the truth, she scared the shit out of me. I quietly trailed behind Narc and the EMT.

So that's how we entered the hospital-- we walked in the ambulatory entrance. By the time I caught up to the Sorceress, she was arguing with the intake nurse about taking Narc in right away ahead of the line.

"Go over there and get him checked in!" she ordered me. It was the first thing she had said to me all night.

"Okay."

I obediently went over to the check-in window.

"Name?"

"Narc."

"Address and phone?"

I told them.

"Insurance?"

"He doesn't have any."

"Okay... I need an emergency contact and some ID."

"I guess, just put me," I said. (This felt way too surreal!) "Just put me as the contact and I'll get you the ID."

I walked over to Narc to ask him for his wallet.

"Take his jacket off him," the Sorceress ordered me. "Help him with that."

Narc was talking to the nurse. I didn't want to interrupt. But I was scared to not do what she said.

"Narc," I whispered, coming up behind him and putting my hands on his shoulder. "I just need your ID. And... why don't you take this off."

I helped him labouringly wriggle out of the sleeves.

The next thing I knew, I was completing the paperwork and Narc was whisked away into the emergency room proper. I saw his image disappearing down a long hallway. I looked at the Sorceress. She was quiet for once.

"Hi. I'm Hyde," I said, timidly.

"Sorceress." She was leaning against the wall and gave me a jaunty smile.

"I told you I could get him in, if you all listened to me," she grinned. "You have to know the fucking system!"

"It was really quite impressive," I agreed.

"I just want to make sure he gets the right care," she said. "I mean, I don't know this guy from Adam... I just met him this summer. But I can't have his blood on my hands, you know? I just can't have blood on my hands!"

"Uh, huh..."

I didn't know what to say.

"I've got to get in there and talk to him," she announced out loud.

The next thing I knew, she elbowed her way past the hospital guard and into the emergency room.

"Wait, you can't--!" the guard began, but it was too late to stop her.

"I have to see the doctor!" she called over her shoulder.

I slipped through the door behind her and scurried after her.

Narc was in a cubicle, sitting on a bed, dressed in a hospital gown when I got to him. I stood by him and put my hands on him and tried to silently comfort him. But soon, I had to move out of the way for the nurse.

"I want him checked for a PE!" the Sorceress was telling the nurse.

"Yes, ma'am. This is an excellent hospital. We'll check for everything."

"You don't have to tell me this is an excellent hospital! I know this is a fucking good hospital! I sit on the board of directors of this fucking hospital! Do you want to look my name up in the computer? Go ahead!"

The nurse cringed. So did Narc.

"I'm sure they'll take good care of me," he said.

"I just want to make sure that they're thorough." the Sorceress insisted. She was pacing around the cubicle. I was pushed to the outer edge. I could barely see Narc.

"We're going to run an EKG and a CT scan first," she said. "Don't worry. We'll take good care of him. I need you guys to wait outside now. You can come back and visit at the next visiting time, which is 8:00."

"Okay, let's go!"

The Sorceress whirled on her feet and strode towards the door. I gave Narc a quick kiss. His energy was cold and deadly and awkward. I felt like I was in a dream. I followed the Sorceress back into the lobby.

"Wanna go get a cup of coffee?" she asked me.

"No, I think I'll stay here," I said.

"Why? You can't get back in right now. Come get coffee with me. Let's go. Give me your bag!"

I handed her my bag without a word.

"Good exercise!" she exclaimed, hauling it over her shoulder and bursting past me out the door. I trotted to keep up.

"There's a Starbucks just over here," I pointed.

"Not that one. We're going to the one on 5th."

"But that's five avenues away!"

It didn't make any sense.

"That's okay. Exercise, my dear! Exercise! It will do us good!"

And with that, we were off.

More to come...

-h-