The party was a complete success last night. Everyone had a wonderful time, and I couldn't have asked for anything more.
The only thorn? Brick didn't show up. He texted me earlier in the afternoon to say that he was uncomfortable coming. I told him that I would be really hurt if he didn't show... I needed him to be there for me. I wasn't going to give him permission to disregard my feelings. If that was what he planned to do, it was all on him. He told me that he'd call me later. He never did. He didn't come.
I tried to forget all about it during the party, but it was hard. I cried myself to sleep last night and I woke up in tears this morning. I spoke to him for about one minute this afternoon. He asked for his iPod back from me.
"Is that all you're going to say?" I asked.
"I don't think I did anything wrong," he answered.
I am in so much pain over this that I feel sick. I don't know which emotion is more overwhelming-- disgust, pity or betrayal. They're all there in equal measures.
Why am I such a poor judge of character?
I am sad. I feel heartbroken.
-h-
4 comments:
Well I'm glad that the party was a near-success but I feel terrible that two different men whom you hold close seem to be dumping on you simultaneously. But as usual, I urge you not to turn this situation inward and blame yourself. You're not a poor judge of character for inviting Brick to your birthday party. You're not responsible for his behavior.
Thanks, Dan.
Mystic-- you're probably right, but that's not entirely fair. I don't pick them consciously. And I really did think that Brick would come through for me...
Brick is clearly sick and suffering. But you are right not to compromise yourself. You need to surround yourself with strong people who are willing to support you and love you. Maybe one day Brick will be well enough to have true friendships. But right now, it seems that he is not capable. It's a shame for him. Friends like you, Hyde, don't come along too often.
good luck and i'm glad you enjoyed your party.
Brick let you down, and that sucks.
To be fair though, he told you he didn't want to be there, that he would be uncomfortable. As your friend he should have come, knowing how you felt. As his friend you shouldn't have insisted, knowing how he felt. His absence wasn't about you, it was about Brick and his disease. You can't cure him, and you can't make him cure himself. The more you make demands of him, the more he will rebel. He is going to do what he is going to do and you don't have a say in that. What you do have a say in is what you will put up with regarding his treatment of you. You told him that you wouldn't give him permission to disregard your feelings. Good for you! You shouldn't. But what does that mean? He's free to make his own choices, but there are consequences to the choices we make and maybe it's time he faced some of them. He isn't there for you and is unapologetic about it. Let him go. Let him find his own bottom and, hopefully, his way back out again. But if he doesn't, that's not your responsibility either. That's another thing that's on him. If at some future date he is able to get sober and comes to make an amends, take it from there. But in the meantime, don't enable him in this behavior. Teach him accountability for his actions. It sounds harsh, but is an act of love. You'll be helping him to grow, perhaps sooner rather than later.
*hug*
Post a Comment