Plus ca change...

I'm still working on that year in review post. I know, I know...

The bulk of the week was consumed with post-Christmas digestion and a shitload of grading. I graded myself into a state of oblivion until I finally got the grades posted by about 2:00 am Thursday night/Friday morning. When I was finished, I sent Narc a text lauding my achievement.

Out with screenwriter friend, he wrote back. Will call soon.

Hmm... I started to think devious thoughts. I miss drunk-Narc. But he's not supposed to be drinking, so I shouldn't be happy when I know he's out. See what a selfish and greedy girl I am!

I got into bed and dozed off with the phone in my hand. It rang at around 3:00 am.

"I'm in Union Square, Hyde. And I'm coming to you."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

When he got here, he stood in the light of my Christmas tree and put his arms around me.

"I love this tree," he said. "It could only have been made by an angel."

"You really love it?" I beamed.

"I do."

When he went to the bathroom, Mr. Rochester was sitting up on the sink.

"I love you, Rochie, but you've got to go," he said, tossing Rochester to the floor.

My poor sweet Roch nearly did a backflip in the air. Narc was drunk. I moved to see if the cat was okay.

"Awww... Rochie's alright," he laughed. "He's just not used to having a man in the house."

I thought that was a strange thing for him to say.

When he got out of the bathroom, he took a seat on my kitchen stool, as he is prone to do, while I poured him a drink-- coke (minus the jack).

"You should really keep some booze on hand for your guests," he said. "I forgot you wouldn't have any."

"No, I really can't," I laughed. "I guess I've got a byob policy here."

We chatted a while about mostly nothing. He was wearing a pink shirt.

"That's the shirt you had on the night you went to that Vassar party ," I said.

"I live in the present. You live in the past," he winked.

"You live in the present? Really?"

"Yes. I don't remember every detail of the past the way you do. It's unimportant."

"If I don't remember the details, I won't believe that it really happened," I answered.

"Take off your clothes, Hyde."

"What?"

I shuffled awkwardly to pour myself some more soda.

"You heard me," he looked at me calmly and plainly. "Take off your clothes. Right now."

"Okay."

So, I did. But I was still partially concealed by the counter between us.

"Everything!" he demanded.

"I did everything!" I insisted.

"Okay."

And then we continued to talk, only I was nervous. I leaned over the counter so that I wouldn't be quite so exposed. But who am I kidding? I love that he makes me nervous.

"Come over here," he said.

I embraced him from behind. He unzipped his pants. And then... Well, again-- not that kind of blog, right?

The only thing I want to say-- later we were in my bed and he was inside of me and he stopped everything and tried to quiet me.

"Shh... Shh..." He kept saying, stroking my hair back from my forehead. He was hovering above me, staring straight down into my eyes.

"I love you," he whispered.

I didn't say anything. My heart was trembling, though. I didn't want to tell him that I love him. I'm not sure how I feel anymore and I know that it's not good for me to let myself get lost in that.

"I love you," he repeated.

I just stared up at him. I inhaled sharply and could feel my eyes welling up.

"Shh..." he said again, trying to comfort me. "I love you, Hyde. And I need you to understand that. Do you understand that?"

I nodded weakly.

"Do you UNDERSTAND that, Hyde?" he demanded.

"I do. I understand. And I love you too."

It was all over for me after that. And I"m not even sure whether or not I was lying.

Anyway, the next day we loafed around at my place and the day after that we loafed around at his place. More on all of that later...

This evening, I went to a 90 day celebration for a friend of mine and then to a sorely needed AA meeting-- the first meeting I've been to in over a week. Oh-- and Narc's mom called me. Yeah. Isn't that nuts?

I have a lot to catch you all up on, but I'm tired. So, that's enough for now.

If I don't post again, before the New Year, HAPPY NEW YEAR! And thanks for all being there for me in '06. It's been quite a ride, n'est pas?

Well, you know what they say... Plus ca change...

love,
h

PS: Hammer's man-- the NorthWesterner-- has officially had a name change. He will hereby be known as "the Alaskan."