The tree is up, despite having fallen on me twice. I am so fucking stubborn. I lifted and screwed in an enormous tree single-handedly. It's a gorgeous tree and I did a beautiful job decorating it. I also FINALLY got my new dining table delivered. It's so pretty. It changed the whole look of the apartment.
So...why can't I wipe this scowl off my face?
Tonight NDN leaves for Asia. He's going with RDN. He'll be back after the New Year . Wow... has it really been a year since our Argentina trip? I guess it seems like that was a long time ago...
Last year on December 15th KHill peed on my hand. Remember? Shortly thereafter, Narc discovered my blog and I had to change the address. Remember?
I just did the grocery shopping for my party tomorrow. Last year I did that with Narc. Remember?
Ugh!
I'm really depressed. I don't know why, but I'm so depressed, I want to vomit. I felt like I could barely tolerate the general public and I wanted to hit some people. I hate people. I feel sick. Sick, sick, sick...
Brick told me that he had a glass of wine at his office Christmas dinner. Good for him...
I'm so mad at him, I can't breathe, but I can't tell him that. There's no point. I feel betrayed by him.
Hate, hate, hate... I hate everyone right now. I don't want to have my party tomorrow.
I'm a scrooge.
-h-
5 comments:
Well, this time of year is stressful and can be really depressing. This is also a hard time for sober alcoholics. A friend of mine says alcoholism is a three-fold disease: Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's! I imagine you could substitute Hannukah/Ramadan/Kwanzaa for Christmas as well. *G*
There is a lot going on around you that is unpleasant and out of control. That includes Brick's addictions and Narc's behavior. But you can choose how you handle these things. You can focus on everything that isn't going as you like, or you can look at the beautiful new table, time spent with friends at the party tomorrow, and the fact that you're sober despite all of the challenges you've had to face.
Hang in there, Hyde! Hating people- something I'm good at too- will also pass...
So you're a scrooge! Hey, you're human too! You are allowed to have those feelings. Just do what will make you happy, because you and everyone else knows that is all that really matters.
Thanks, ladies. Well into the baking for tomorrow and feeling a bit better. Abbagirl-- I also wanted to tell you-- you asked for a background on me and Narc. Well, I summed it all up in my year in review post last December... (at least to that point). So... happy reading.
:)
h
NDN and RDN still hang out together, huh? That surprises me for no good reason.
Sorry to hear that you were feeling crappy. I seem to have developed a hatred of all people driving (except me, of course, I'm the only good driver out there!).
I find that baking is soothing as well...all those good smells.
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