Wine and Cheers

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me, aside from the fact that I woke up drunk. After I left my office in the morning, I headed to my voice lesson and it actually went pretty well. Since I've been off my "medicine," my voice has been getting stronger and stronger and is almost back to the level of health I had a year ago or so. (I was suprised that my Stallion-injury didn't seem to cause too much of a problem for my cords.) It was a gorgeous day out yesterday which only made everything that much better!

Anyway, after my lesson, B gave me a call and we arranged to meet up for lunch. It was a really nice time. He was being so nurturing to me. I think he knows that I have been feeling extra sensitive since our encounter last Friday. I took the bus home from there and bumped into BulgarianGuy in the street. (This was around 3:00 or so). He was just getting off work (he works in a restaurant across the street) and asked me if I wanted to go shopping at H&M with him. Normally, I would have gone just because going shopping with BulgarianGuy is such a random and absurd thing to do, but I was exhausted and really wanted to jump in the shower. I still had grime under my fingernails from the night before. I also wanted to patch things up with IrishBird.

IrishBird always admires my nails and asks me about my manicures. I actually do them myself, and I always promise to manicure hers one of these days. Well, I felt really bad about having called her a "bitch" on Saturday night, even though I didn't remember doing it. She had especially admired the shade of nailpolish I'm wearing this week, so I ran to the drugstore and bought her a bottle as a "recociliation" gesture. On Wednesdays she works afternoons at Cheers, so I stopped by to give her the gift. She was really appreciative. I sat down and had some coffee with her and two of the girls who waitress at Cheers. I told her that I had spoken to WallStreet that morning. She told me that when she called me to check on me the night I was with him (last Wednesday) that we were in a cab together on our way home. She said that she even spoke to him on my cell phone, and that it was around 2:30 am. Weird... I was relieved, at least, that I didn't leave the second bar with some strange man.

Anyway, I didn't stay for that long, as I was exhausted and still aching to jump in the shower, so I headed home. Back at my place, I watched Dr. Phil, showered, dressed, and reapplied my makeup. I feel like a total dork for loving Dr. Phil, even though my interest in the show is waning a bit this season with all of his "Family First" stuff. I don't really have any interest in parenting issues, as I'm not a parent, and I liked it better when he stuck to relationship stuff. After that, I talked to GoldenFinch on the phone for a while (who informed me that her name is supposed to be "GoldFinch." Oh well...sucks for her! "GoldenFinch" it will have to be!) A little while later, my phone rang again. I didn't recognize the number, but I picked up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hyde?"

"Yeah... Who is this?"

"It's Brady and Beckey from last night!"

"What?!?! I didn't think you guys would actually call me! What's up?"

"We're still out drinking! What are you doing?"

"But it's 4:00 in the afternoon. Don't you guys have jobs?"

"We called in sick. Wanna hang out?"

"Um, well, I can't right now. Maybe later tonight?"

"Will you be at Cheers?"

"Probably. Why don't you guys just give me a call later."

"Okay, bye."

Damn! Those people are even worse than I am!

Anyway, while I was getting ready for Anxious to come over, I spent a lot of time singing, trying to take advantage of the good vocal day. I kept performing arias in front of the mirror and getting really into it, acting all emotional. It was so much fun. Anxious came over at around 7:00. She brought the package of tobacco that she wanted to smoke ("for spite") and the rolling paper, all ready for me to teach her. It was really quite amusing. She didn't even know the basics, like how to hold a cigarette, how to ash (without switching hands) or that you have to inhale to keep the thing lit. We praticed on some regular Marlboros and then switched over to the home-rolled. We were laughing a lot about it because she was so nervous and stiff (and anxious!). I took her picture smoking them. I think she only took one or two real inhalations though--the rest of the time she just swished the smoke around in her mouth.

We were having a pretty good time. I played her some of the drunk Narc messages I have saved on my machine and we laughed about that. At around 8:30 we headed out to dinner at a nearby Italian restuarant. We shared half a carafe of wine and I ate pasta. It was a bad combination for me. I started to sugar crash and suffered through a headache for a while, but it passed after about half an hour. Today I'm going to try again to get off my self-destructive kick and eat a little better for myself. The way I've been flagrantly ignoring my prescribed diet has been making me really sluggish and depressed. We gossiped for a while about our mutual friends, etc. Then we headed over to Cheers. On the way there, we passed Druggie on the street, so I got to point him out to Anxious.

We took a table at Cheers away from the bar, so we could talk with more ease. It was a really quiet night there--not much going on. Anxious and I kept on gossiping about mutual friends. At one point she asked me if I had been in touch with her ex-boyfriend at all. (I met Anxious the year she started going out with him--eight or nine years ago. We had all been friends for a really long time, and they broke up this past summer. While I wanted to continue to be friends with him, we sort of drifted apart this fall and he got really sensitive and gave me a hard time about not returning his calls in December. You guys know how much shit I've been going through, and I really don't have the emotional space right now to deal with his neurosis and hyper-sensitivity.) But anyway, if you guys recall--back on February 19th when I was waiting for Narc outside the opera (waiting to be stood up, that is) I spoke to Liu on the phone. She's the one who told me that Anxious' ex was mad at me. Anxious' ex has always had a crush on Liu, and even though Liu moved to Colorado back in 2000 (and is now in Texas), he stayed friends with her and frequently talks to her on the phone. Anyway, in the course of telling Anxious why I was no longer speaking to her ex, I told her that Liu had told me that he was mad at me.

"Liu told you that? He speaks to Liu on the phone?"

(Uh oh...)

"Um, yeah... I mean, they're friends. They've been friends for years. You know that."

"Well, actually, no. He never mentioned to me that he's called her...ever! Why wouldn't he say something? Why was he trying to keep that from me?"

"I don't know, Anxious. It's not a big deal. You know that Liu has been with someone else for like over two years now. It's not like there was ever anything between then. Maybe he just didn't mention it because he felt guilty because you knew about his crush."

"Well, there's more to feel guilty about for keeping it from me. I mean, I'm not a jealous person... He can be friends with whomever he wants. It's just weird that he would hide it for all these years."

"I don't know..." I said. I felt really akward. "It's not a big deal. And besides, your thing with him is over now, so don't let it bother you."

We kind of changed the subject, but I felt bad because I didn't know if I had just betrayed some sort of secret and I didn't want Anxious to feel bad.

In any case, at one point IrishBird came over to say hi. She admired my earrings.

"You've got so much jewelry, Hyde! I love them! Where did you get these?"

"Thanks! B got them for me for my birthday, not this year but the year before. We got them at that Himalyan jewelry shop near St. Mark's where I got the earrings I gave you for your birthday."

"Are these real gold?"

"Yeah... Gold and Cherry quartz. Just like the ones I got you."

"What? The earrings you got me are gold? I thought they were fake! I don't own anything gold. I don't have any real jewelry at all, except this one pendant that PumpedUp got me when we were together..."

"I know you didn't realize it. I didn't want to tell you, either."

"But why? Why would you spend that kind of money on me?" she asked.

"Honestly, I don't know," I said. "I just was really grateful for your friendship in the fall and I wanted to do something nice. It was an impulse, I guess."

She was flabbergasted. I liked it. I love giving things to people and doing things for people and making them happy. I hate that I can't do that for Narc anymore.

The whole time I was there, I was only drinking wine. I think it's a good trick for me, because I didn't get drunk (despite the 10 glasses or so that I drank) and it made me really sleepy. However, I didn't find it nearly as satisfying as whiskey and I kind of felt like it' s a waste of calories if it's not going to at least give me a good buzz.

Anxious and I moved over to the bar and talked to two guys sitting on the end. They were friendly nice guys--not at all a "pick up" thing. IrishBird told me that WallStreet had just been in the bar asking her about that night. She told him what she told me-- that she had spoken to him when he was with me in the cab. He told her that it wasn't him in the cab with me, but rather, that it was his friend. Wait a minute! That's not what he told me earlier in the afternoon! When I spoke to him from my office, he told me that the 84th street bartender said that I left the bar with a stranger. WallStreet claimed not to have known where I had disappeared to. This whole thing is really fishy and is starting to leave me with a weird feeling.

So last night, IrishBird told WallStreet that I was at Cheers just sitting in the corner (I didn't see him at the bar). He said that he would talk to me some other time. I also think that that's weird--that he wouldn't come over and say hello after talking to me that very afternoon!

Cheers emptied out pretty early. Soon enough it was just me, Anxious, the two guys at the end of the bar and IrishBird and PumpedUp. IrishBird asked me to sing an aria.

"But I lost my opera karaoke CD the WallStreet guy night!" I said.

"Well, sing it without!"

"I don't like singing it without though. But I have the songs saved on my computer. Maybe I can go burn them onto a CD. I'll be right back!"

I ran back to my apartment and tried to burn them onto a CD. I couldn't find a blank CD though. My house is such a fucking mess. I had to go back to Cheers with no success.

"C'mon Hyde, just give us a note or two! Sing something without the orchestra."

"Well, okay..."

I sang them O Mio Babbino Caro and followed it with Quando m'en vo'." They all gave me rounds of applause. Just then, a guy walked into the bar--around my age, preppy, Indian (I think) and very drunk. He was babbling some sort of nonsense--totally incoherent. I can't even approximate his babble for you. He was just so far gone. I asked Anxious to sing the duet from Lakme with me.

"I love that song!" IrishBird exclaimed as we started. It was fun. The wasted guy was really annoying though, and started trying to sing along, some totally different melody and totally off key.

"Sorry, we're closed," PumpedUp told him. "We're not serving you here tonight."

Eventually the guy stumbled out.

"Who is that guy?" Anxious asked.

"C'mon... He's not so bad," I said. "That's me on every other night of the week!"

PumpedUp thought that was the funniest thing he ever heard. He started laughing so hard and repeated what I said to IrishBird. We went on joking a bit about my usual "wild" behavior. I felt better being able make light of the whole thing. I feel like it makes me seem more "sane" in their eyes that I can laugh at myself like that, and that I can acknowledge that I have a problem.

"Would you believe that I've known Hyde since she was an innocent?" Anxious asked.

"No!" IrishBird raised her eyebrows.

"Yes!" Anxious said. "I met Hyde when she was just 17 and before she had ever had a drink. She was a perfect angel!"

I smiled.

"She used to wear long flowing dresses and study so hard. She used to be embarassed if people spoke openly to her about sex and she was a straight A meticulous student."

"Hey-" I interrupted. "I'm still a straight A student! Just maybe not so meticulous."

"So what happened?" PumpedUp asked.

"I don't know..." I said. "My sophmore year? I guess I just cracked up."

He laughed.

Anxious and I headed out soon after. It was only about 1:00 am. I asked her if she wanted to crash at my place since it was so late, but she said she was okay driving back to Connecticut as long as she had some coffee. I walked her across the street to the deli and lent her $20 to get a cab back to where her car was parked.

On my way back to my apartment, I saw a man standing on my corner.

"Excuse me!" he called out. It was the wasted guy who had just been in Cheers!

"What's up?" I asked.

"Can I ask you a question?" (Wow! Complete sentences... A little more coherent than he had been a few minutes before!)

"What?"

"Do I seem scary to you? I mean, I just tried to walk a girl home and she treated me like a predator."

"Look," I told him. "You seem like a really nice guy. It's just that you seem like a really drunk guy. Most girls are pretty cautious about that. I mean, when someone's drunk, they're hard to read. You could be the nicest guy and then turn and do something irrational. She was probably just being careful, that's all."

"Thanks. You're really nice," he said.

We stood there and chatted for a few minutes. I told him that I graduated Columbia.

"I have so many friends from Columbia!" he said. "SIPA people though. SIPA people. I know a lot of SIPA people." (SIPA is the school of international affairs.)

"Where do you work?" I asked.

"For Deutsches Bank," he told me. "But I'm dating a girl from Columbia. I'm too old and she's too young. She's too young."

"How old is she?" I asked.

"21."

"That's not so young. How old are you? You don't look that old."

"I am old! I am old!" he said. "A lot older than you."

"I don't think so. What are you? 27? 28?"

"27," he said. "And you?"

"26. I don't think either of us is old at all. Why do you think you're old? Did your girlfriend tell you that?"

He kept licking his lips.

"Cotton mouth?" I asked.

"Don't think I'm licking my lips to be creepy to you!" he said.

"No, I don't. Trust me, I've been there. Coke-night?"

His eyes widened.

"How did you know? I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I've only done it a few times in my life. And I smoked marijuana once."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Trust me, I'm not judgemental about such things. I used to use myself, but I've been off for a few months."

"Cool. What's your 'man' situation?" he asked.

"Oh, God... That's a tough one. Basically, I got involved in a one-night-stand that developed into an 'eight-month-stand' and I'm trying to get over it now."

"Oh my god! I have to talk to you about this stuff!" he said. "I live right over there." He pointed north a block. "We're neighbors. We should be friends. Wanna come over?"

"Well, I can't tonight. I really have to head home and get some work done. Maybe some other time?"

We exchanged numbers and I headed home. I don' t know why I gave some drunk and high guy standing on my street corner my phone number, but I wasn't drunk when I did it, so I guess I just have plain old shitty judgement in general.

Back at my place, I didn't really want to go to bed, despite being really tired. I called Narc and left him a message.

"Hey Narc, it's Hyde. I know I drunk texted you last night and I really shouldn't have. I guess I wanted to apoligize for that. I don't know... I'm going to try to stop calling you or contacting you, you know? But you know me... Anyway, it's about 2:00 am and I'm home. Just can't sleep. Thought you might be up and that maybe we could talk or something. Guess not. Anyway... Hope everything's good with you and that you're having fun and happy and all that. Talk to you soon... Well, maybe not soon, but talk to you whenever... Um... ok. Bye."

I'm embarassed about it. Contemplated not telling you guys about that one. How fucking pathetic am I? And I can't even use the excuse of being drunk! Soon after that, I feel asleep.

Today I'm heading to the library to make it a work day. NextDoorNeighbor invited me over for dinner with him and some girl that he's dating (not VJ though). It should be interesting to say the least.

That's it for now. Hope you're all well out in blogland!

lol,
Hyde