Out of Steam

I'm out of steam. Flash tells me that he "doesn't know where I find the time to live the life I do." Honestly, I don't know either. I never ever stop going. There are just never any empty spaces. And honestly, I feel it starting to catch up with me.

Last night, my body literally collapsed into bed. I just woke up now and it's almost 10:00 am. I'm aggravated that I wasted so much time sleeping, but I guess I needed it. This morning my neck and shoulders are stiff, my eyes are sore and I have a muddled headache. This sucks. I rarely feel so exhausted as I do this morning. Rather, I find that when I sleep less, I can easily mask the sleep deprivation (and all real physical needs) with a little caffeine and adrenaline. Now I find that one night of a real good eight hours is just enough of a reminder that I am driving myself into the ground.

Anyway, yesterday got much better once my alcohol-soaked brain processed the stuff out, about mid-way through my teaching day. We were doing a review for their midterm exam (which is coming up next week) so the classes ran a little shorter than usual and I was grateful for it. After teaching, I came back to my place. I felt like I needed to do something that I've been sorely neglecting, but what? Go through the mail and look for bills that needed to be paid? Pick up the tons of dirty laundry draped across my bedroom furniture? Unload the sink stacked with week-old dirty dishes? Get ahead (or catch up) with reading for my classes? Try to make a bibliography for my much unattended research paper? Ughhh...

Instead I lay depressedly on my couch for an hour or so. Anything else seemed too overwhelming.

Before long, my phone rang. It was Hammer. She wanted to know if I wanted to make plans for a "Friday night culture night." I said "okay," but neither of us wanted to be decisive in terms of making a plan. She was stressed about an ongoing discord with her beau and I was wiped out from teaching and the physical strain I had put my body through the night before. (Not to mention the slight re-opening of the Narc wound). She said she'd give me a ring when she got back home from work. She was on her way home just then.

I jumped in the shower, and was just coming out when NextDoorNeighbor rang my bell. I answered in my towel and it was a little akward. He was in a rush, but apparently I had agreed to tape some program for him. I guess I made the promise while we had been out drinking the night before, and so he was at my door, tape in hand. He mentioned to me that he'd be at Fubar later (a local dive), and told me to stop by. I told him "maybe."

Hammer called back and we decided to try to catch a Broadway show by buying half-price tickets at the TKTS booth in Time Square. I got dressed as quickly as I could and met her at about 7:20. We were cutting it close. Thankfully, there was really no line and we had our pick of quite a few shows. We decided to see Tennassee Williams' The Glass Menagerie. It was really so good! It was starring Jessica Lange (who was brilliant!) and Christian Slater (who Hammer has a crush on, lucky her!). Hammer and I agreed though, that the girl who played Laura interpreted the role very strangely, and neither of us liked her much.

After the show, we went for sushi and bubble tea, but I was terribly disappointed because they were out of tapioca. Probably for the best, because as Hammer pointed out, I most likely would have sugar-crashed from it anyway. After we ate (and by this time it was around 11:45), I called VJ. Earlier in the day, VJ had asked if I wanted to hang out that evening, but I told her I had plans with Hammer. I told her that I could meet up after midnight or so though. VJ wanted to go to a local bar in my neighborhood, but one that I usually steer clear of because it is a total meat-market. I agreed to go anyway though, because VJ usually never wants to do the bar scene. Due to a miscommunication, when I called her she was already in bed. She said that she thought I would have called earlier.

Hammer and I parted ways and I headed back to my neighborhood. On the way, I called my mom for an update on my brother. Nothing new... (the waiting game is maddening!) What to do for my night though? Head to Fubar to meet NextDoorNeighbor? Check out who I knew at Cheers' Friday night karaoke? Either way, I'd have to stop home first and freshen up.

Back at my place I collapsed onto my bed to think it through. My body sank into the comforter pulling me towards a delicious sleep. I didn't want it though. I honestly and truly wanted to go out. But the longer I lay there, the heavier my eyelids grew, my head sinking deeper and deeper into the pillow. I lay there like that for about half an hour doing nothing--not even thinking. All brain functions were shutting down. It was unquestionable--"Hyde" had lost that night's battle. It was undeniable--Dr. Jekyll was insisting that I get myself some rest. And so I did.

I successfully slept from about 1:00 am to 9:45 this morning. And now I feel thick and groggy and aching. I have to spend the whole day in the library today to catch up on a lot of things. Hopefully after some coffee and cold air, I'll wake up a little. The day of study will do me some good too. Today won't be about action, but rather about ideas.

As for tonight's plans...we'll see. First I have to find out where the world takes me this afternoon.