P.S.

P.S.: I got an e-mail back from Narc this afternoon. In the interest of being thorough, here it is:

Hyde--

I've no doubt that, emotionally, you'll move on much sooner than you imagine. Perhaps we'll hang out as friends one of these days, we shall see.

Good luck with everything

--Narc

I was happy when I got the message, but now reading it back, it seems kind of cold. Whatever... he's obviously saying that he hears that I want to "leave the door open" and that he's amenable to that...

Anyway, there are much more important things to think about than Narc this evening. I'm at my parents' house right now. We just got back from the hospital where I learned that the prognosis for my brother is much worse. According to the latest CT scan, about 75% of his brain is damaged. The CT diagnosis doesn't completely match up with the some of the behavior we've observed though, so I'm still hoping that the scan could be wrong. In any case, there is so much crushing on my chest right now. There is so much going on emotionally that I can't fucking breathe. Narc is a real jerk for stepping out on me when I need him the most. B has been wonderful to me though, and I'm very grateful for that. I guess I just need to gather my resources and start a new chapter--a new phase of my life. I don't know how though. And with all this hurt around me, it's even harder to see my way through the forest.

Good night for now...

-Hyde