I spent so much time blogging about my fight with Anxious yesterday that I left out everything else, so here it is...
On Monday I had a hair-coloring debacle! Hammer and I had colored our hair on Saturday, but I hadn't had time to let the highlights set. I went back to the drug store on Monday to pick up some highlights, but got seduced by the flame-red hair on a box of Feria. I bought it, and used it and came out with maroon red fake punk-looking hair. I decided to try to make it look more "natural" by putting highlights over it, but I guess that I forgot that when you mix red and yellow you get orange! I came out looking like a clown with the most bright ORANGE hair you can imagine. There was no way I was going to live with that crap on my head for more than an hour. I wrapped my hair up in a scarf and went back to the drug store, buying a box of plain old brown. Now my hair is dark brown with a reddish tint, and actually looks pretty. It's much darker than it was before, but I think it's striking. Yay! Anyway, all the hours with the dye on my head took up a chunk of my afternoon.
After that, I went to the grocery store and came home and started cooking for B. After I finished preparing some of the meal, I went to Cheers. I hung out with BarMan for while. He was telling me some really entertaining stories, like when his ex-girlfriend spiked his drink with coke and gave him two tabs of E, pretending it was some kind of presecription anti-depressent. I was talking to some old-timer who used to be the super at a different building on my block. Some hyper, tattooed kid came in (around my age) who's friends with the old-timer and joined our conversation. It turns out that he's working as the super in the old-timer's former job. He programmed himself into my phone as "Super321." He was really excited to meet me, as he said he doesn't have that many friends in NY. He's only been in town for a few weeks. But I'm sorry, he was hitting on me a little too agressively and I found it irritating. I had no problem telling him that either.
In the meantime, I was getting pretty drunk waiting for B to show up. I started doing shots with Super321 and I continued downing Kettle One-Chambourd-Lime cocktails. Eventually B arrived and was pretty pissed off that I was drunk. I also think he was mad that I made him wait for me to finish my last drink while this guy was all over me. I don't blame him. I was acting like an ass and I'm mad at myself for it.
We went back to my place and I finished cooking dinner (while drunk--brilliant!) and we watched 24. After that, (and I don't remember how it started), I got all emotional and upset--probably because B was mad at me. I started crying and all of these feelings about my brother came flooding out. I was fixated on the idea (sparked by a conversation with Hammer the other day) that what happened to my brother was my fault. I had gone to visit a psychic in the fall and she warned me about all sorts of "demons" around me. I shrugged it off at the time because I don't buy into that stuff, but since then, a lot has been going wrong. I'll recount that whole story in another post, because it was kind of weird. Eventually B and I made up (after enough tears had fallen) and crashed to sleep.
Tuesday morning I was supposed to have German class with Hammer, but our instructor canceled due to illness. As such, I had the morning to fuck around and waste time, which was nice. I went through that whole e-mail exchange with Anxious and psyched myself up about how to deal with it. After class that afternoon ("Stalinism as Civilization") I went to Subway (for a sandwich) with Hammer and got revved up for my 5:00 phone call/confrontation with Anxious. It was fucking FREEZING out yesterday and the walk home was brutal. I decided to take the cross-town bus, but ended up waiting 15 minutes in the whipping wind and probably could have made it home faster on foot.
When Anxious called, she started off immediately with an apology--both for "betraying me" by not telling me about the Narc-masturbation thing and for pressing too hard on staying at my place. It set the right tone and deflated my short-lived anger. It was such a girly fight--basically a two hour long phone conversation about "feelings." I felt good because I stood my ground, and also because I softened to her once I actually heard her voice and it wasn't all over email. The ups and downs of the phone call are way too much to detail here, and besides, you're probably sick of the issue since I bombarded you with our entire email correspondence in yesterday's post. The bottom line is, though, that we're going to try to stick it out as friends and to keep from stepping on each other's toes.
After the phone call, I had to race off to boxing class. I was running about 10 minutes late. Class was fun, once again. We learned the "uppercut" punch and worked on punch combinations. I was psyched all through the class because I had a date with the Stallion at 10:30. When I texted him to confirm, he wrote back that he "wouldn't miss it for the world." I thought it was sweet, so even though the boxing gym is in Narc's neighborhood, it got my mind off him for a while.
I raced home after class and "beautified." Then I went to Cheers to wait for the Stallion. It was REALLY empty because of the freezing weather. BarMan was covering for IrishBird and the only two people there were PumpedUp and FightingMensch. (Later some more people came in, but I was already talking to the Stallion at that point). The boys were acting like jackasses and making dirty jokes and cracking each other up. I tried to "ignore them," but chimed in here and there. Mostly, I just sat there sipping my drinks.
Finally at around 11:00, the Stallion showed up. He totally scooped me up when he came in. We hung out at the bar for about an hour or so. He kissed me a few times and I'm a little embarassed that I did that in front of my bar boys, but whatever... Also, at one point my super came in, and I'm sure he thinks its shady that I was there making out with the Stallion because he used to think of me as such a "good girl." Oh well...
At some point, the Stallion and I decided to call it a night. He said that he wished that I had some "medicine" and despite myself I brainstormed a way to get it, but ended up doing the better thing and not giving in to it. (Yay! Jekyll is growing stronger!)
Back at my house, he drank a lot more SoCo, but I already had a nice buzz so I didn't have any. After that (and during), fucking, fucking and more fucking (don't want to make this blog X-rated, so we'll leave it at that). Finally, we fell asleep. Then more fucking in the middle of the night a few times and in the morning, until finally the alarm went off brutally early at 7:15.
Even though I was sleeping next to the Stallion (and fucking him intermittently all through the night), I kept having dreams about Narc. (I feel sick for still loving him even though the more I think about it, the more I think he is a little psychopathic, in terms of lacking empathy). In one dream, we were at some beach house and he kicked me out of bed and a friend of my friend IronChef's was there and she was waiting to sleep with him or something. I tried to warn her that he's an ass and he got upset at me and told me that I shouldn't speak badly of him or he'd never take me back. I was really upset in the dream, but talk about pathetic... Ughh! I HATE loving him!!!
Anyway, the Stallion and I parted ways this morning at the subway station. He told me that he may be moving back to NY soon. (Uh Oh!) His mother is sick and he's probably going to come back here to take care of her and to run her real estate business. I asked him what that meant for him and his girlfriend. He told me that she'd probably follow him here in a little while. It's weird though. I know he thinks we have some kind of special "connection," but I can't imagine ever being with him on any kind of regular basis, so if he really does move back here, I'll have to make some kind of decision about how to handle it. I don't want to be a permanent "other woman" and screw up his girlfriend's life either...
Anyway, I'm in my office now, getting ready to teach. Have to go make some photocopies and do an attendance roster, so more later...
-Hyde
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