Drunk in the Office

Well, it's 8:03 on a Friday and I'm drunk in the office. I must stink of SoCo, although I drank whiskey straight through until we got home last night.

Yesterday was a really long day for me. My mom woke me from my stone-cold sleep on her couch at about 7:00 a.m. because she wanted to drop me at the hospital on her way to work. I spent the morning depressedly staring at my brother who is currently showing no sign of change. On the train back to the city (around noon) I was crazy depressed and called B for some cheer. He helped me as much as he could. Back at home, I cleaned my house (which was desperately necessary!), polished my nails and ate some lunch. I talked to Hammer for a long time on the phone, and before I knew it, it was 6:00!

I changed into my boxing gear and around 7:00 my cell phone rang. It was the Stallion! He said he may not be able to hang out on Friday, so he'd really like to see me on Thursday. I told him I had boxing, but that I'd call and let him know. Before boxing I stopped into Cheers for a second. BarMan laughed and asked me if I wanted "a few shots" before class. I told BarMan and IrishBird that I'd be back with a possible date. BarMan asked if it was someone I had brought there before. I told him a bit of the story about the Stallion (leaving out the threesome part). They must think I'm crazy.

Anyway, on my way to boxing, I thought about it a lot. Unfortunately my boxing gym is only two blocks from Narc's house. When I got off the subway, all I could think about was Narc and my heart hurt so badly. I decided it would do me some good to see the Stallion so I sent him a text to meet me at 11:00 at Cheers.

After class (which kicked my ass), I raced back to my place and showered and changed. It was cool to see the Stallion, but he looked a little different than I remembered him. His hair was different or something. IrishBird kept the whiskeys coming. The Stallion kept trying to feel me up and kiss me in the bar. I told him that I knew too many people there and that I couldn't make out with him in front of them. (For an uninhibited girl, I can be pretty fucking inhibited sometimes). He told me he thought it was "cute" that I was so modest. At around 1:30 or so, he asked if I had any booze back at my place. I told him that all I have left is SoCo, a little Kettle One and a few bottles of more girly shit with no mixers (I've been trying not to re-stock as I run out). He said that the SoCo was good enough and we were off.

Well, me, the Stallion and a bottle of alcohol... 'NUFF SAID!

At some point I smoked a little weed on top of it all, and later I sent a drunk text to Narc. I erased it this morning fast, without even reading it, so who knows what I said... We must have crashed around 3:00 am. I told the Stallion early on in the evening that I'm off my "medicine," and he said "good for me," so I was glad that I just put it out there. Our summer tryst had been accompanied by a three week coke-binge, so I hope he wasn't too disappointed this time around...

I woke up in the middle of the night to get some water and we fucked some more. Then the Stallion woke me up this morning at 7:00.

"Don't you have to teach?" he asked.

I had set my alarm for 6:45. I guess he heard it and switched it off. It hadn't stirred me.

"Oh yeah..." I pulled the pillow over my head.

Waking up this morning was sheer torture. I must have slept a total of 2-3 hours. On top of that, it's only just past 8:00 now and I'm still feeling drunk. I just need to down some coffee, some water, and something for padding and I know it'll absorb fast. It's because I didn't eat dinner last night. Even so, I don't know how I'm going to make it through my killer Friday on this level of energy.

The Stallion and I fucked more this morning and then he walked me to the subway. He said that he's in town until next Thursday and that he wants to see me again. Normally that guy can get my mind off any other man, but this time it seemed different. What's the difference? I'm in love with Narc no matter what I try to do to get around it. I love him, I love him, I love him, no matter what kind of an asshole he is, or how he's been to me... I love him and I just want to be back with him, even though I know it's bad for me. He doesn't want me right now though. He doesn't want me when there's anything on my mind besides fucking him. And I just can't be that focused or empty-headed right now. But I LOVE HIM and I can't help it. I can only hope that time will heal that for me...

Anyway, I've got to go make some photocopies for class. Giving them a quiz today. My head is pounding. I fucking hate this... No more weeknight boozing for me! (Remind me I declared that, okay?) Later...

-Hyde