Glad (and a little sad)

I'm glad I didn't send that letter to Narc yesterday. Whether or not he loves me and whether or not I love him, it makes no difference at this point. I spoke to the Stallion on the phone last night. He's going to be in town tomorrow! I can't see him tomorrow night because I have to teach early on Friday, but we made tentative plans for Friday night. If I end up sleeping with him, it will really put a wedge between me and Narc. I hope it doesn't make me feel guilty (for "betraying" Narc and because the Stallion has a serious long-term girlfriend), but maybe it's just the thing I need to start to move on. I don't know...

I can't sleep with the Stallion until I'm sure that things are over with Narc though. I've just never been able to sleep with someone when I'm in love with someone else. That said, I sent a different e-mail to Narc this morning. (I know, it was probably a stupid stupid thing to do and I put the ball right back in his court, but I feel better with it that way...) I wrote:

Narc,

Do you want to talk about things at all, or should I honestly just forget all about you and move on? I have some important decisions to make this week, but I guess I wanted to give "us" one more chance before giving it some closure.

Let me know by Friday if you can...

Hyde

Who knows what he'll think of the letter... He'll probably think I'm completely spineless, but whatever.... Who knows if he'll even care. Who know's if he'll ever write back. But if he doesn't write back, I'll have my answer from him, and I won't have to feel as guilty for hooking up with the Stallion. The bigger problem will come if he does write back (but I don't think he will). I guess I sent the letter for my own peace of mind, more than anything else.

Anyway, boxing class last night was a lot of fun. I'll write more about that later. Right now I have to get to work. Heading back to Long Island tonight to spend tonight and tomorrow at the hospital.

Hope you all have a great day...