Sunday Morning Coming Down

Ah, the weekend! More drinks, more self-hatred, more drunk Narc messages. Eternal Recurrence! Life gets pretty fucking boring, doesn't it? At least I did actually do some work for once.

Yesterday I spent the entire day in the library. I read five or six articles and worked on developing my paper topic. I'm still not totally there yet in terms of working out a thesis though. Hammer and I met up in the Wertheim room at the New York Public. I brought my (semi) new laptop. We took a study break and ate a strange lunch at a Japanese cafe that was trying to be a French pastry shop. (Occidentalism, Hammer!) It was fun.

Leaving the library, I came home and called VJ. She wanted to hang out and get dinner. While she was on her way over Hammer called me w/ a relationship crisis. VJ arrived, but I was talking to Hammer so she went online on my computer. I hung up with Hammer and the doorbell rang. It was NextDoorNeighbor. He came to pick up his tape. (I had recorded his favorite Telenovela for him--Gitanas.) He heard something bustling about my apartment.

"Is that the cat? Or do you have company?" he asked.

"That's VJ," I said. "You've met her before, right? Remember she was at that party my friend had in September? All the way downtown? She was talking to your ex about psychology and stuff, remember?"

"Of course!" he said. He walked down the hall into the living room to say hello.

Before I knew it, NextDoorNeighbor and VJ were deep in conversation. They were bonding and giving each other advice about their internet dating profiles. I chimed in here and there, smoking a few cigarettes, chugging some SoCo out of the bottle and talking to Hammer on the phone, trying to help her through her issue. I started to get hungry. It was after 8:00 and VJ and I still hadn't eaten dinner yet.

"Do you guys want to go get something to eat?" I asked, inviting NextDoorNeighbor along.

We went to a diner down the block. NextDoorNeighbor was clearly trying to impress VJ. I sensed a "romance" blossoming--even if it was a one-sided one. Dinner was unremarkable until I freaked out a little bit. When I went into my wallet for money, I came out with a bar receipt from Manchester on Thursday night. However, if you recall, careful reader, I had no fucking clue that I had been there on Thursday! It scared me a little. Not enough though. Saturday night would be more of the same.

After dinner we came back to my place and VJ and I freshened up to go out for the evening. NextDoorNeighbor came back over with some pot. VJ doesn't smoke, but he and I enjoyed it. He was totally plugged in to an episode of Three's a Company and became so engrossed that he didn't want to leave the apartment. I felt myself getting sleepy and losing my drive, so I eventually dragged him away from the television. The three of us headed to Cheers. Initially, I had promised VJ to go to her meat-market bar after just a brief visit to Cheers, but the crowd won her over and we stayed all night. Unfortunately, NextDoorNeighbor was majorly stoned. He started getting all paranoid and saying stupid things. It was very odd. I don't understand why the weed didn't effect me the in same way. I guess that's just my Hyde constitution!

There were a million people there that I knew. I introduced VJ and NextDoorNeighbor around the best I could. It was so much fun! My neighbor (on the other side of the hall) showed up as well. I always ride the elevator with him and his girlfriend. Once they suggested that we all hang out, and I told them to stop by Cheers anytime because I'm always there. They finally took me up on it and were psyched to see I was there with NextDoorNeighbor. It was a little 20th floor reunion!

VJ and I were dancing and I was getting wasted. PakistaniMan was there, and I didn't really want to dance in front of him (or talk to him much for that matter) and it was a little akward. I feel bad because he's a really nice guy (even asked me about my brother), but I'm not into him and don't want to lead him on at all. He bought me and VJ a round of drinks though. (Secretly told the bartender to put the next round on him. Otherwise, I wouldn't have accepted.) Oh, another interesting character--MarriedGuy showed up! It's so strange! I haven't seen that guy in MONTHS, but was just talking about him a few weeks ago with the Fourth Floor Girls. I was drunk and greeted him with a hug, but I think he felt supremely akward. Oh well. I guess that's his problem. NextDoorNeighbor left kind of early because he was too stoned. VJ followed suit an hour or two later. I stayed to drink.

Drinking has some pretty negative effects on me. I felt like with each drink I was downing a glass of love for Narc. The more I drank, the more he popped forward in my mind and the less I was able to reason through why I'm supposed to hate him. (Although sober and in daylight, I'm slowly hating him more and more...) At around 2:00 am I caved (again!) and texted him:

What are you up to? Wanna meet up?

(Ughh! I know...I'm such a loser!) Well, the night progressed without a response from Narc until I got so drunk that one of the Colombians cut me off at around 3:30. Not a problem! I smiled and decided to head to Manchester Pub instead.

On the way, I bumped into Druggie. He wanted me to come up and "chill" at his place. I told him no, and that I was headed to Manchester but welcomed him to come along. He agreed, but didn't seem that so into my choice of bars. I wonder if he ever had an "incident" there. Did I ever mention that he's been banned from Cheers? On the way to Manchester he started to cross the street, trying to lead me into a pub on the other side. I told him that he could go wherever he wanted to, but that I was going to Manchester. (I was not keen on the idea of being that drunk in a bar where I didn't know the people already).

So Druggie and I parted ways and I wandered into Manchester, parking myself on a barstool. I was next to one of the Australians who asked me if I had "made it home okay" the other night. I was grateful that I had found that receipt because otherwise I would have REALLY had no idea what he was talking about. Druggie showed up shortly after. I guess he got bored by himself at the bar across the street. He kept trying to convince me to walk home with him, but I kept ordering another drink (and another and another) and he was getting impatient. Eventually he left me there. (Good!) After last-call I went outside and bumped into the other Australian. (The one I had initiated into the world of "medicine" at the end of January).

Anyway, I stumbled home by 4:30 am or so. My phone shows that I have an outgoing call to Narc at 4:00 (probably left him a message; my memory of the end of the night is in and out). When I woke up this morning, I had four drunk messages from him. (Two on my cell and two on my landline). Drunk Narc is usually not worth quoting (although I know I do it all the time). The only funny thing he said this time (while completely and incoherently slurring his words) was that he "only drank water all night," that he's been "working out a lot lately" and that some girl who's his friend has been acting as his "personal trainer." I wish I could communicate in writing the hilarity of his delivery on that one.

Today I felt like shit all day. My throat is hurting, my head is throbbing, and once again, I am pretty self-hating. I need to stop fucking up like this and start drinking less. I was drunk all morning (didn't even remember a 10:00 am phone conversation with B!) and didn't process the alcohol out until about 3:00. By that time, I had wasted most of the day. I took my laptop and went to Starbucks with VJ to work on a paper. NextDoorNeighbor had called her and asked her out. I think their "date" is for Tuesday. (I don't know if it's a formal "date" though). After that, I met B downtown and we had Thai food for dinner. I still feel awful though. I'm physically wrecked and have to stay up doing work tonight. I am renewing my resolve to quit drinking. I'm going to try to make it through the whole week without a drink, come hell or highwater!

I just hope I don't get another major throat infection. I will be miserably depressed if it interferes with my voice lessons yet again! (Last year I had tonsilitis around 8 times, I'm sure in part due to my "medicine" and the drip, but I ended up having to have my tonsils out in October and it fucked with my singing all year long).

Gotta run because there's much to do and my body is demanding sleep tonight. Feeling overwhelmed and a little despair...

-hyde

PS: Posted the pic of my house so I can remember a time when it looked pretty, while I fervently wish for it to be magically as clean once again!