Friday Night Lights: First Half of the Weekend

Update:
Before I get into the weekend's event, I wanted to give you all an update on my brother. For the first time, we have some GOOD NEWS! Well, I don't want to get too excited because it's not "good," good-- his condition is still awful, but it's not quite as awful as we first thought it to be.

First and foremost--he's out of his coma! He still hasn't shown capacity to understand or communicate, but they say that he is now "consicous." What made the difference in assessing him behaviorally? Well, for the first time, he's shown a "localized" response to pain. In other words, when the doctor presses on his chest, he now grabs at the doctor's hand, whereas before he just flailed in every direction.

Also, he stabilized enough to be able to take an MRI. Whereas the CT scans were showing loss of function in the entire left half of the brain and a third of the right, now they're saying it's not as severe as that. He still isn't really moving his right side though (b/c of the stroke) and they can't tell if he'll have any real communicative or cognitive fucntioning at all. All we can do is keep waiting. Tomorrow he's scheduled to be transferred out of the hospital and into a long term care facility.

In general, I don't like to write about all of it here because it depresses me and makes me feel helpless, but I wanted to give you all the latest good news and to thank you for your prayers. Please keep it up!


Okay, now back to the "day to day" drama of the "story of my life":

I left you off on Friday while I was administering midterm exams, after which I went out for lunch, came home, showered and got dolled up while waiting for Anxious to arrive. We had plans that night for two parties and for her to stay the night at my place. She arrived two hours late and I was irritated because I had rushed to get ready, but oh well... I just find that lately I am hard pressed to find any downtime (or "DT" as Hammer would say), and I could have used that extra two hours to nap or something...

Anyway, our plans for the evening--dinner first, a pit stop at a birthday gathering in the East Village (for a friend of mine) and then out to Brooklyn for the 30th-birthday bash of a mutual friend of ours from college. (Anxious was better friends with him--they were both seniors when I was a freshman, and I hadn't seen him in about three years or so). I asked Anxious if she wouldn't mind stopping by Cheers for a drink or two before dinner. I wanted to tell IrishBird that the Stallion was back in town for good. I also wanted to say hi to BarMan. And of course, going to Cheers grounds me. I can't imagine a weekend without it completely. Well, Anxious agreed and we were off.

We had a lot of fun there (as always). I told Anxious the story of Shay, the Wednesday-night Londoner who taught me how to roll a cigarette so that she would be able to smoke up her "spiteful" tobacco. She asked me how to do it and I tore off a strip of napkin to demonstrate the best I could. It obviously looked like I was rolling a joint, and BarMan came over and teased me for it. I have to say, my crush on him is still going strong. As Anxious and I were all done up for the night out (high-heels, push-up bras and all), everyone asked where we were off to and it was fun to get the extra attention.

After downing 4-5 drinks within the hour, we headed downtown. Anxious was trying to keep pace with me in terms of the drinking, casually informing me that her tolerance has grown "immensly" since she lived in Europe and started drinking more. I'm sorry, but by "living in Europe" she means the two months she spent in Barcelona a full 7-8 months ago. I doubt that her tolerance has been that radically altered--especially since she's been holed up in her parents' house in Connecticut ever since! I felt like she was being "competitive" in terms of our tolerance to alcohol and it pissed me off for a variety of reasons:

1.) I've never met a woman who can drink as much as I can, and have rarely known a man who can. Clearly, Anxious is not a regular drinker, she never has been, and I've seen her get drunk on very little (and sick the next day) so the whole discussion was pointeless and stupid.

2.) She knows that I'm struggling to cut back on my drinking and to deal with the role of drinking in my life in general, and so I thought it was extremely tasteless to glorify a high tolerance, and to try to glamorize it by connecting it to her life in "Europe" and her "European friends." (To me, once you're out of adolesence, there's little glamorous about alcohol. It's seductive yes, but it's destructive and brings one to the lowest common denominator; it makes life into grime).

3.) The kind of crazy alcohol tolerance I have is genetic and I come from a family brimming with alcoholism (in fact, it's what killed my dad). My love affair with alcohol began with the very first sip I ever had, and the blackouts started almost as soon as my drinking career began. I've only ever thrown up from it once in my whole life (and that was in Russia). A normal person would make themselves much sicker given the massive amounts of binge drinking I do. It's also clearly linked to my blood sugar problems, and it has always been a somewhat sensitive issue for me. I feel like I have to constantly remind myself that I have an alcoholic body, or else I'd be well on the road to becoming my dad. (Whatever... maybe I already am...)

Anyway, when I pointed out to her that I have a different physical reaction to alcohol than most social drinkers, she countered by saying that she has some alcoholism in her family too. If that's true (and this would be the first I heard of it in the 9 years I've known her), it must be some distant relative, because no one in her immediate family has any kind of alcohol issue.

So, what the hell? I don't see why she always has to bring up such touchy issues with me, but whatever. I don't want to get stuck on this point. I have a lot more story to tell...

Back to my narrative--

We headed down to the East Village and looked for a place to eat, settling on Time Cafe, which was the first real restaurant we found near the bar we were heading to. About halfway through the meal, my phone rang. It was the Stallion.

"What's up girl? I've been back in NY since this morning! What are you doin'?"

(I wish I could communicate his phrasing and energy better in writing. I hear it so clearly in my head and it's actually really cute).

"Not much, not much... Just here hanging out with my friend. We've got two parties to hit tonight and we're just finishing up dinner. What are you up to?"

"Chilling with my friend Mike," he said. "So... Do you want to meet up?"

"Well, like I said, we have these two parties, but you guys are totally welcome to come join us."

And they did. The Stallion and Mike met us at the restaurant just as we were paying the bill. How strange, I thought... Very few of my friends have ever seen the Stallion, and only Hammer has ever met Narc, but here was Anxious, now having met both of them. It made me feel a little weird.

Nevertheless, I was so glad to see the Stallion again. He's such and extrovert and is always so laid back and fun. Easy-going, friendly to everyone, genrally optimistic and good-natured... I mean, in some ways I think it's because he's so different from me that I enjoy his company so much. (I think that's why I have that crush on BarMan too). I get really extroverted and friendly and energetic when my Hyde-persona takes over, but I can never totally lose my core self--the girl who is easily depressed, moody, pensive, and is always weighing, judging, thinking, analyzing, obessing and trying to make her life "into poetry." I've always been all extremes--a perfectionist, and someone who shirks all responsibility; a girl who can turn off her emotions and have the most casual one-night-stand, and a girl who can't wrest her heart away from a lover even when it's clearly over; I'm disciplined in school and can diet and exercise vigilantly, or I put off all of my reading, write my papers at the last minute, and drown all hope of good health in a sea of alcohol, drugs and carbohydrates.

The Stallion doesn't seem to have any of that going on. I can cry so hard that I think it's going to kill me, but then I laugh so hard that I forget I've ever cried...ever! The Stallion is always on even keel. It's why I love being with him. I love all the attention he pours on me, even though I don't care if he has any real feelings for me. I love the way he grabs me when I'm with him; I love that he had an erection the entire night and kept pulling me next to him so that I could feel it. He flirts with everyone. He even flirted with Anxious, but it made me like him even more. It's just more proof of his openness and spontenaiety and general good nature. It was so different from Narc's flirting. Narc is brooding and closed and cold; the Stallion is carefree and open and warm. Narc's flirting with Anxious was painful for me and it was loaded with subtexts and stabbing meaning; the Stallion just seemed up for a party.

I don't know... I'm transgressing again.

Anyway, we left the restaurant and headed to the party. It was at a gay bar. Some pale, skinny guy was dancing on a platform wearing only tighty-whities stuffed with dollar bills. Strange scene... I said hi to my friend, and we all tossed back a few drinks. We were out of there after an hour or so.

Trying to hail a cab to get to Brooklyn, my feet were starting to hurt from the heels. The Stallion held my hand while we walked and hung back with me because I was going slow. It made me think of the day I went to the museum with Narc when I was stuck in that same pair of heels on the way to brunch. (I had put them on for the opera I was stood up for the day before). Narc walked two steps ahead of me the whole time; I just couldn't catch up.

Party #2 was in a huge warehouse that had been converted into a bar. The guest of honor had chosen a "Communist Cuba" theme and was dressed up like Castro. The back of the bar opened into an enormous garden courtyard and there was a bonfire burning in the center. A group of people sat drinking around the bonfire singing "Hey Jude." Anxious parked herself over there. I left the Stallion and Mike at the bar itself and wandered through the crowd to check everything out. Suddenly, I heard somone calling my name.

"Hyde???? Is that you????"

Turning my head, to my surprise, I saw an old friend--somone I hadn't seen in three years. We had been in choir together in college (Incidentally, that's also where I met Anxious and GoldenFinch and B. It was that choir that "corrupted" me big time. But that's a really long story. Perhaps there will be time for it another day). The last time I saw this girl, she was going through a break-up and I was on the verge of making the decision to end things with B. We went to see a psychic together. She was plainning on leaving NY to try her luck on the West Coast. Her goal at the time--to learn Chinese Medicine. Her problem--figuring out how to fund it. She told me that she wanted to find a "sugar daddy," but until she did, she was considering taking a strange job. She wanted to work wrestling men (in private sessions) while dressed in a bikini. Sounded like a dangerous proposition to me (to say the least!), but she was there to ask the psychic whether or not it was a good idea. (I think, if I remember correctly, that the psychic gave her the go-ahead). After that, I learned from mutual friends that she had moved to San Diego, so I was surprised to bump into her now. She told me that the Chinese Medicine things was a bust; she next tried waitressing for a while and then moved back to NY and was doing secretarial work. I spent an hour or so catching up with her and filled her in on all of my drama.

After telling her a little bit about the Narc stuff, it made me start to think of him a little obsessively and miss him. I went into the bathroom and called him, trying to sound as sober as possible. I don't remember what I said... probably something about missing him lately.

After that, I went back and rejoined the Stallion at the bar. I was drinking a lot and fast. On my "millionth" whiskey, he looked a little concerned.

"Are you sure you want that one, Hyde?"

"Why? I asked defensively. "What's the problem? Are you going to start telling me how much I can drink now?" (Remember, it's a touchy issue for me...)

He looked like he felt bad and like he definitely didn't want me to be upset with him.

"No, not at all... I'm just trying to look out for you."

Oops... I felt bad for jumping on him like that.

Anyway, we decided to leave the Brooklyn party after a few hours. I called a car service to take us back to the city; we dropped off Mike at a subway; Anxious, the Stallion and I headed to Cheers. I don't remember much about being at Cheers. I do remember falling on my way to the bathroom. (Unfortunately, my leg is a little bruised now. Fucking high-heels!)

The next part of the night then gets stranger. We left Cheers as things were winding down there, and came back to my place. At some point, the doorbell rang. It was BulgarianGuy! I don't remember any of this and only know it from his retelling. The Stallion and I quickly retired to the bedroom and BulgarianGuy stayed talking to Anxious. Apparently, he wanted to crash at my place because he had a class nearby really early in the morning. He had just seen us at Cheers, where we were all talking, but didn't see us leave; however, he knew we'd all be awake. The next morning I found out that he and Anxious had hooked up! (I don't think they actually had sex though. It's a little weird though, considering that I've been with him a few times).

Anyway, the Stallion woke me up in the morning with "another round in the ring" (as he likes to put it). I was still really drunk--hadn't nearly slept it off. He showered and split before I even got out of bed. When I finally ventured into the living room, I found Anxious puttering around in the kitchen and BulgarianGuy naked and sleeping on my pullout sofa. I was a little surprised because I didn't remember BulgarianGuy's arrival or that we had even been hanging out with him at Cheers. Anxious had hurt her knee. She said that it was a "sexual injury." Well, I'm frequently afflicted with those, so I didn't ask about it further.

I made several runs to the deli and downed two big-gulp gateorades and four cups of coffee. We finally got the day rolling by about 2:00 pm and decided to go for lunch. BulgarianGuy, Anxious and I all headed to a coffee shop around the corner. On our way, GoldenFinch called and said that she was in the city for a few hours that afternoon. (She lives over an hour away on Long Island, so I rarely get to see her). I urged her to come meet us at the coffee shop and she did.

After the meal, BulgarianGuy left for work and Anxious, GoldenFinch and I went back to my place. We spent a few hours playing piano and singing--just like in the old days! It was really nice.

GoldenFinch had to leave around 5:30-ish to catch a train back to LI and I had to get dressed to meet Hammer at 7:30 for our "culture night." We had plans to see Candide at City Opera. She had picked up student rush tickets that morning. I was a little hesitant about going because B informed me that he had rush tickets to the same performance and planned to be there with his girlfriend. He's been going out with her since December or so, but I've never met her. Honestly, I don't want to meet her. It would just dredge up too many awful feelings for me. I knew they would be sitting in third ring, though, and our tickets were for fourth, so I planned on dodging them if at all possible.

Anxious didn't seem to want to leave my place, and stuck around while I tried on different outfits. I was a little annoyed because I hadn't had a single second of downtime since I came home Thursday night (on St. Patty's). NextDoorNeighbor rang my bell to pick up his tape, and he and Anxious and I gossiped about relationship stuff for a while.

Anyway, I'll pick up my story (the opera, another night at Cheers, the hospital on Sunday and how I ended up back in Narc's bed) when I have a chance to write more. Just wanted to get the first half of the weekend posted ASAP.

So, I promise... More later!

-h