This One's for the Boys: Part IV

I feel like this post is never ending! I need to try to cure myself of blogging in obsessive detail. Honestly, I'm sick of writing about last weekend already. And this is going to be my last MEGA-Post for a while. But here we go with the end of my story from last weekend!

The Date:

It was raining out that night and I was irritated because I knew my hair would curl up in all sorts of directions, but there was not much I could do about it. After parting ways with Narc, I came home and changed. Narc sent me a text that he had found a book to read. I wrote him back that I was depressed and didn't want to go out.

Go! Have fun! came his reply.

Grrr... So I was going.

Before heading to my date, I made a pit-stop at Cheers.

"What's up, Hyde?" BarMan asked.

"I have a date tonight!" I announced, sliding into a seat. "And not with Narc!"

Somehow this led into a conversation with the gentleman next to me, a guy named Gabriel-- the brother of a girl BarMan used to date.

"I have to ask," he began. "Is drinking before a date typical behavior for the fairer sex?"

"Hmm... I can't say that my drinking habits are reflective of my gender in general," I smiled. "But it's typical for me."

"Ah. You're one of those? Me too!" he laughed.

He was really funny and we had a great talk about relationships and life. I asked him for a piece of advice, or life wisdom, if you will. Here's what he told me:

Any time you walk into a room ,stop and smile. Then walk in.

I really didn't want to leave for my date. But I had finished off three Jack Daniels and the witching hour was approaching. So I said goodbye to him and hopped in a cab headed for the West Side.

When I got to the chosen restaurant, Double-T was waiting for me at the counter in the front room. We awkwardly said hello and then we moved to the back room to be seated.

Dinner conversation went fine. We both knew how to talk about ourselves and how to ask appropriate questions of the other, but I found that I didn't really care about what he was saying as he spoke, and instead, I just felt a cloud of gloom still resting on my shoulders. To make matters worse, it's hard for me to have three drinks and then stop. I could feel the effects of the whisky wearing off and it gave me a throbbing headache.

Still, there was nothing I could complain about. He was a sweet and polite guy-- a little dorky, practical and "open" for my taste, but that's okay. After dinner he suggested we go for drinks. He was strongly pushing to come back to Cheers. I said I didn't think it was a good idea as it's rather loud in there on Saturday nights. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to bring him back to my neighborhood because I didn't want to feel obligated to stay out for longer than a drink or two. When he kept pressing the issue, I got suspicious that he wanted to come back here just to be able to get me in my apartment.

I insisted on staying where we were, so we chose a pub nearby. He seemed disappointed that I wasn't up for a night of partying, but I was so emotionally spent from the earlier events of the day. On the way into the pub, he realized he had to go to the ATM. I told him I would wait for him inside, as it was freezing out.

"Don't go home with anyone else!" he laughed.

"I won't!"

I thought that was a strange thing to say.

Inside the bar, we chose seats in the upstairs area away from the crowd. It was a restaurant area and well lit, although it was pretty empty at that point, as it was around 11:00 pm. Again, our conversation was okay, but unimpressive. He told me that he doesn't like musicals, which was alarming to me since I LOVE musicals, and we got into a whole discussion of art and realism and suspension of disbelief, etc.

Then, at a very odd moment, he just took my hand in the two of his. I can't say I wanted it there, but I didn't pull away. I guess he took that as a sign because the next thing I knew, he was coming in to kiss me. I'm sorry-- I've never been kissed in public by a stranger unless there was some major chemistry or some major alcohol flowing. I was totally Jekyll when he made his move, and Jekyll does NOT do that kind of thing. Nevertheless, Jekyll has trouble saying "no" to people, so I didn't resist it either.

The kiss was a strange thing. He came in with a closed mouth. Does anyone kiss with a closed mouth? I've never heard of such a thing! I mean, a kiss is a kiss, right? Why else bother with one? So I went to kiss him in the way that I know how to kiss-- open mouth and tongue. The problem is that he wasn't expecting it and had already started to pull away. So once I started the open mouth kiss, I kind of got a weird peck in return and then we parted. Not good.

Afterwards, he looked at me startled.

"Wow! You're a good kisser!" he said.

"Um, thanks...." I stared at my drink. This was not going well.

We made some mediocre conversation for another half hour or so. I told him that I was looking forward to the start of 24 the next night, and he offered for me to come watch it at his house.

"I have a high def TV!" he said.

"Um, yeah... Maybe at some point."

Finally, at around 12:45 am I told him I was tired and that I wanted to head home.

"Can we do this again sometime?" he asked.

"Well, sure." He went to get me a cab, holding the door open for me.

Then he went in for a second kiss.

Well, the guy didn't seem to learn, as our second kiss was a near repeat of the first. He went in with the peck; I offered the open-mouth; he was already pulling back. Only this time, he at last realized his mistake and decided to go back in for an open-mouth kiss. The only problem is that at that point, I was already pulling away, and all he got were his parted lips swiping against my cheek. A total mess. (And Narc is an amazing kisser... Ugh!)

So, that was my date.

On the way home, I couldn't stop thinking of Narc. I sent him a text.

Hi. I wrote.

I didn't hear back.

I heard from Double-T again on Tuesday afternoon. He called me, but I haven't yet called him back. I know-- it's Friday already and I'm being very rude. It's just that I have a lot of anxiety around the issue and haven't been able to face up to calling him. Here's what he said:

Hey Hyde, It's Double-T. It's about 2:30 on Tuesday. Um... Hope you had a good rest of the weekend. Hope the two episodes of 24 were just all kinds of wonderful and good for you. Ummm.. Just wondering if you felt like getting together some time this week. I was actually planning on getting a bite to eat tonight at that restaurant that I like that's closing. Um... which I'll probably end up doing that one way or another this week. Um... I'll probably do it tonight. And if that were something that interests you and works with your schedule, I don't know if you're over at the College today or not, but if you're already on the West Side, I thought it might... I thought it might be a good thing to do. But, um... Another day or another place or another thing, um... might be good too. Call me when you get a chance. Let's see what the schedules say. Um... Take care. Bye bye.

I do feel guilty for having neglected to respond, but I just can't right now. I have to call by the end of the day today or not call at all, right? It's already not cool of me.

Anyway, so that was that.

Sunday, January 15th:

On Sunday Hammer and I hung out all afternoon, braving the bitter cold. We met for brunch at Daddy-O's-- the place were I met Narc in July, 2004. I hadn't been back there since, and wouldn't have been able to tell you the name of the place if Narc hadn't mentioned it last month. It's actually only a block from Hammer's apartment. It was strange to be back there. Afterwards, we did a little shopping (makeup and accessories) and then settled in at a cafe to get some work done.

That evening, I headed over to the Wizard's apartment to watch 24 with him and Hammer. The first two hours of the season KICKED ASS! As the Wizard put it:

"I don't want to have any emotions anymore."

"Me neither!" I said.

I brought over some Chinese food and the pictures from Argentina and Hammer burned a smelly bag of popcorn in the microwave, which was kind of funny. During the show, B texted me a few times. Okay...so I guess our "I'll never talk to you again" didn't last very long. Even so, and despite the fun I was having with Hammer and the Wizard, my heart was hurting from the fact that B and I were not together.

On the way home, I sent Narc a text telling him how great 24 was and asking him what he was up to.

He didn't reply.

That night, I had a little bit of a medical problem and I needed to speak to B. I can't explain it any more than that, but I called him twice and he didn't pick up. I felt guilty calling him, so I didn't leave a message. He texted me back What's up? and so I wrote to him and told him. I was fully expecting him to call me, but he didn't.

At that moment, I had never felt more alone. I started to bawl my eyes out. I just lay in bed and cried and cried until my body was racked and I could cry no more. Finally, when I had stopped expecting it, the phone rang. This was a prime scenario for a mess. I was already in hysterical mode and B was annoyed.

I won't detail this phone call, as it was much too personal, but the bottom line is this-- B said he thought that we weren't talking anymore.

"Since when are you not talking to me?" I asked. "The way we left it off, I wasn't talking to you until I was ready to, but as I understood it, you're still my friend."

"I just don't know what the rules are, H," he said.

"There are no rules," I said. "I thought we were just trying to downgrade our friendship-- transition it so that we're not primaries anymore. I didn't know it meant that you aren't there for me at all when I need you!"

The phone call went on for quite some time with a lot of tears and a few hang-ups, and then all seemed to resolve. B agreed with me and said he was sorry he didn't call back sooner. I told him that he has to trust that I won't call him superfluously and that we need to work out the terms of all this together.

So that was that.

Monday, January 16th:

On Monday-- Hmm... Well, what did I do on Monday? Oh! I got a message from the Stallion that day. (See? When it rains, it pours!) He said:

Hey, what's up H? It's the Stallion. How you doing? Hope you had a pretty fun week. Damn! It's Monday already. I feel like it should be Friday. Anyway, I had a really great night with you too last weekend. Sorry I didn't get back to you. I've been running around. I had a couple emergencies. But um, I would love to talk to you. So I guess just text me or something... Or email me and um... we'll get a hold of each other or something. Alright? Bye.

What else happened that day? I can't quite remember right now. I do know that I was back at the Wizard's apartment for a second round of 24 on Monday night. The Wizard cooked us little steaks and then Hammer brought over McDonald's cheeseburgers. (Sunday night's advertising worked well on us.) Later the Wizard made some Mexican vanilla milk. Again, the show KICKED ASS!

On my way home, I stopped in at Cheers. The place was pretty empty except for BarMan, ThursdayGirl, and another regular who just had a birthday and was back from a cruise, telling us all about it. The tail end of the Golden Globe Awards were on TV and ThursdayGirl was trying to teach me how to play Texas Holdum. I drank until they closed up and then headed home.

Back at my place, I was surprised to get a call from Narc! He asked how 24 was and we chatted for a few minutes, but I was drunk and he was not. I asked if he wanted to hang out.

"No. I'm not up to partying tonight," he said.

"We don't have to party," I insisted. "We could just hang out."

"No. I think I'm just going to play some Prince of Persia and then go to bed."

"Okay."

Still, I felt unsettled and depressed. I hate going to bed alone, as you well know, and I was already revved up from all the drinking at Cheers. I decided to turn right around and go to Manchester.

As I approached the bar, I could see that Sean Duffy was working. Turning into the door, guess who I saw sitting at the bar? BarMan and ThursdayGirl! They laughed to see me again and I stayed with them and had a drink or two. They took off shortly thereafter. (BarMan wasn't drinking-- he's trying to lose a few pounds before a trip to the Dominican Republic).

After they left, I had no one to talk to. I was kind of bored. Then I spotted a bunch of guys at another table in bright orange shirts. I walked over and asked them why they were wearing orange shirts. Don't get me wrong-- I wasn't interested in these guys-- just bored and drunk and it was a good conversation starter. They were wearing orange shirts because they were in town for some convention. They were all from the South.

As the night progressed I got pretty wasted. I found some funny things jotted down in my journal in the morning though--

--One of them told me to read The Baroque Cycle by Neil Stevenson

--One of them told me "Be Flexible!"

--One of them said "Don't settle!"

--One of them said "Find God in your life."

--Then, here's the kicker-- I found a napkin that said the following (and not in my handwriting)-- "Secret from your old Daddy John: SCOTCH: Blend = Chivas Regal. Single = Glenlivet. Drink all you want. Don't mix (except with water) and you'll NEVER have a hangover.

Okay. Well, thanks for the advice, gentlemen.

After that, I don't really remember getting home.

Tuesday, January 17th:

Tuesday was calm-- a work day of sorts I went to go see Pride and Prejudice by myself in the mid-afternoon. I fell in love with Mr. Darcy and then I just started to get butterflies in my stomach all over again for Narc. I decided to text him.

Okay. Fait accomplit. I'm in love w/ Darcy, I wrote.

He wrote back an hour or so later:

Thought you'd like that one...!

I wrote to him again that I was bored, and that I was looking forward to American Idol. I asked how his Monday night plans were, but he didn't write back.

That evening, I gave the last of the makeup exams for Fall Semester and then headed home. I was wiped out. I watched the first episode of Idol, talked to B on the phone for a bit and then went to bed early.

Wednesday, January 18th:

On Wednesday, I was determined to get my life back into order. I started the day with a productive (if not confrontational) therapy session. Then I started to clean my house, taking care of the worst parts first (like the mound of gross dishes that had been building up in the sink). After that it was off to my first voice lesson in a month! It was great. My voice was in pretty good shape (although I'm feeling the beginnings of a sore throat this morning) and my breathing wasn't even all that bad, even without practice over the past few weeks. From there, I had a few hours to kill up by Columbia before choir practice at 7:00. So I took my book (Beware of Pity, by Stefan Zweig) and settled in a cafe.

To my delight, I got a text from Narc!

"Goonies" on AMC. He wrote.

I wrote back right away.

Hyde: I LOVE Goonies! Not home though. In a cafe near Columbia reading "Beware of Pity." Had my 1st voice lesson in a while. Went really well. Now choir @ 7:00... :)

Narc: Book is great, right? "Idol soon!"

Hyde: It's sad. And frustrating. But very well done. I saw Idol last night but won't be home tonight til 10:45. Yay for DVR!

Choir rehearsal was inspirational as usual. We're preparing for a big benefit concert at Carnegie Hall next week-- Beethoven's 9th!

On my way home, I got another text from Narc:

"Idol" was hilarious! Signed up for three different martial arts schools; going to be busy next week!

I called him back. He actually picked up! He told me he was folding laundry. I pictured it and thought it was really cute.

Then the strangest thing happened-- Narc and I had a 40 minute conversation that did not culminate in making plans to hang out. We just talked. We talked as if we were friends. Maybe we are. I don't know...

At around 11:00, we hung up the phone and I headed out to Cheers. It was a pretty slow night, so I mostly chatted it up with IrishBird. I updated her on my weekend adventures and I played a lot of music on the jukebox. I also got wasted.

I don't remember the rest of the night, but as I hadn't eaten dinner, I guess I decided to drunk-cook.

Thursday, January 19th:

When I woke up the next morning, I put my foot smack into a puddle of spaghetti near my bed, the offending bowl sitting on the dresser nearby. Gross! What a way to start the day. My head was spinning.

Just then, I got a call from B.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Hyde! Am I ever going to see you again?"

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen you since last Wednesday!"

"What? You miss me?"

"Yes, I miss you! It's been too long! One week is too long."

"Well, we can see each other. Sure. Do you want to get lunch?"

He agreed. He was leaving church (his church is not far from my place) and so we decided to meet at a diner near my house. I was glad to see him. I missed him too.

After lunch, he came up to my apartment and he listened to me sing. Then we sang some Beethoven together and just sat and talked for a while. He left about an hour later.

I stayed in for the whole day yesterday, cleaning my house. I finally got rid of my Christmas tree! At about 5:00, I got a text from Narc:

Near Cheers. May pop in for brief bit.

Hyde: I'm home cleaning. Want company?

Then there was no response. I called his phone fifteen minute later. He didn't answer. I waited another fifteen minutes and called again. This time I left a message. Still no answer. I was starting to get worried. Finally, about an hour after the initial text, I got a response:

Went home instead. Going to work etc.

That's depressed-Narc. I felt sad for him. It was radiating through the cell phone, even via text message!

I wrote back:

Ok. You just had me worried there. I think I'm staying in tonight too. Good luck with the work! Call if you get bored... :)

And that was that.

Last night I went to bed very early, as I mentioned, I'm starting to feel a sore throat coming on. I think I'm going to take it easy today too, although Oc is having a big birthday party tonight. Hmmm.... We'll see.

One thing's for sure-- I'm going to take a break from blogging. I'm wiped!!!!

:)

h