Tuesday, January 10, 2006

What's Wrong With Hyde

Here's what's wrong with Hyde:

1.) She works very hard on Monday and gets tired
2.) She goes home and reads Narc's post and is sad/mad/exasperated/frustrated/hurt/devastated/confused/cynically confirmed/bothered/heartbroken.
3.) She decides to go to Cheers to get over the feelings listed above
4.) She starts the night low-key, having a great time, doing the crossword with BarMan.
5.) She starts to get drunk (after about 10, yes--10! drinks or so. BarMan suggests they go head to head sometime.)
6.) She's still having a good time, hanging with BarMan, ThursdayGirl, NDN, FightingMensch and Masseuse (FightingMensch's new girl).
7.) She stays out later than she knows she should
8.) She goes home to get her pictures to show ThursdayGirl and does a few lines.
9.) She shifts bars with the Cheers-crew once Cheers closes up
10.) She gets drunk and loses all judgment
11.) She misses Narc and texts him
12.) He calls her back and she invites him to come and meet her (all the while knowing her friends don't want that).
13.) She insists he come to her and when he does, she gets all "lovey" with him. (She is foolishly happy.)
14.) She insists they spend the night together, even though he wants to go all the way back to Tribeca
15.) She agrees to go to his place, but he wants some "medicine." She runs home to pick up some things and stuffs a small bag of "medicine" and a razor in her bra.
16.) She goes to Tribeca with Narc, forgetting her purse.
17.) She stays up talking with him until after 6:00 am.
18.) She tells him that she now realizes they're more different than she ever imagined before. (He disagrees and says "we're NOT so different, Hyde!" She insists that they are, believing it more and more each day.)
19.) She tells Narc that his problem with "atonality" is that he looks at everything aesthetically and not politically/historically. (They get in a big fight about Wagner again).
20.) She plays "If I Loved You" for him off her IPod but then regrets having exposed herself so greatly.
21.) She strips off her clothes and crawls into bed with him, letting him hold her and clinging to him madly.
22.) She falls asleep in his arms, only under the provision that he set a very loud alarm to go off three hours later.
23.) She wakes up with him and feels no regret... Well, some regret... Well, no regret.
24.) She thinks of what NDN said-- "If you see him, you're delusional, Hyde."
25.) She scrambles out of bed and borrows some money to take a cab back to her apartment.
26.) She is grateful to see that she left her purse at her house, after all, and not at the bar.
27.) She cleans up her nose, sprays some perfume on, brushes her teeth and her hair and applies a quick coat of mascara and lip gloss.
28.) She hops in a cab to the college to give her students a makeup exam
29.) She arrives in her office and waits.
30.) She realizes all of her students have chosen the second option-- to take the exam on Thursday.
31.) She realizes she doesn't need to be in her office after all and wishes she were still in bed with Narc. She doesn't know what to do with herself.

And then she remembers his stupid blog.

"I enabled the comments," he said last night. "You should totally comment on the opera-post, Hyde."

"I haven't read your post on that yet," she said.

"Oh, well you should."

Why the fuck should I? Because it was written with me in mind.

The end.

4 comments:

sunshine said...

But NO sex, that's progress, right?

Just let yourself cool off for a few days.

Hugs!!

Hyde said...

Um... no sex? Um... well, not exactly... But the more I think about it, the more I have to laugh at him. I mean, look at his blog. I have to laugh at it!

Anonymous said...

His post was very annoyingly pretentious.

feitclub said...

I want to read a post about what's right with Hyde (or Jekyll, if you will). You're such a great person it disappoints me to see you dwell on negatives.