Miserable

I feel miserably depressed right now. I don't even have the energy to lift my chest high enough to get in a good enough breath. B and I are no longer speaking. He is no longer my friend, and I know I can be dramatic, but this has to be for real. I'm not mad at him; he's not mad at me. We just can't make it work anymore.

I spent the past two days almost entirely with Narc. I have a date tonight in an hour and a half. Narc knows about the date.

"I don't want to go," I said.

"No, Hyde! You should go," he told me. "It's always good to meet new people."

I hate him.

I came home and NDN rang my bell. He was drunk. He gave me a really sweet hug. He smelled like his leather jacket. Then he bit me on the neck through my sweatshirt and punched my shoulder. I laughed. (Yes, we're strange... What was it his mom said? Oh yes... "Hyde is UNIQUE.")

I do have so very much to say about the past few days, but I can't dwell on it all right now. I have to pull myself together, scarf down a jack daniels and get to the West Side. I need to be more future oriented.

Fuck it.

-h-

PS: N just sent me a text. We left his apartment together and he was on his way to the bookstore.

Found my book, he writes. "Think and Grow Rich!"

Figures...