Okay... I know I just posted a minute ago. And I seriously need to get up and leave my computer and get into the shower. I've been surfing the web since I posted that last entry and I feel like my head is spinning. I don't get Narc. I don't get what he writes on his blog, what he emails to me or anything about ANYTHING! I am going mad. I am literally going MAD! I need to get away from the computer and stop my mind right now. I need to stop my brain. I will have to bury myself in work. He still acts like I don't exist. But then, the emails...
My drunk email to him from Tuesday night:
Hey...
It's late and NDN wants to go into town but I don't want to... Just thought I'd write and say hi. I'm not going to FL this month after all... I canceled my trip. I miss NY so badly right now. I want to call home but i have no one to call. Anyway, I'lll see you when I'm back, I guess...
Nothing ever changes, right? It doesn't matter what your answer is. I have my own answer to that question.
I have to go now.
See you soon....
Love you lots,
H
His response:
Well I hope you're having a good time at least! When are you back?
Horribly depressed right now--once again, haven't seen the sun in days... Don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Wish you were here, wish I had someone to talk to.
Oh well...
Do write or call soon
--Narc
(You guys can imagine how I was going crazy with glee from that one! Not that he was sad, but that he missed me and needs me. I had to bite my lip to exercise some restraint!)
My response:
Hi,
I just got back to NY. Sorry to hear you're in a rut. Was a little depressed for a bit myself this week... Had a fight with NDN on Tuesday night, but all is well now. Overall, we had a fantastic trip. I suppose with all that time just the two of us, a fight couldn't be avoided.
But now I'm facing a mound of work. My grades are overdue. Yuck. I've got to go to the college this afternoon and pick up a stack of finals to grade. But if you want to call, I'm around again now. I had a great time-- it was non-stop, but I missed NY more than I thought I would. Strange...
I hope you're feeling better. If you see the sun today, give me a ring! I don't know how late I'll be up tonight though, because I took an overnight flight and didn't get much sleep.
:)
New Year, right? Let's both be optimistic.
lots of love,
Hyde
His response:
Doing a little better now--getting up early in the morning, hitting the gym every day, meditating twice a day, keeping focused on work etc.
Have a friend in town from Cali tonight, but don't know if I'll catch him until the weekend. Friend's birthday outing tomorrow night. Going to write through the day today,but give a call if you have a moment later on.
Glad to hear you had a great trip--certainly it was more eventful than my own holiday experience! (Still,I suppose mine was better than last year--at the very least I wasn't alone the entire time...)
Get that grading done!! Talk afterwards
--Narc
Okay... So everything seems kind of okay, right? But then, this on his blog:
(Oh, and speaking of Art--do I have the most fantastic surprise for PopStarChick on her birthday this coming Friday evening...!! Can hardly wait myself, but of course, I wouldn't think to spoil the mystery here just yet. Never fear, tireless Readers, a full report will come first thing Saturday morning...)
*****
I'm trying not to overthink. Trying not to think at all right now, but you can imagine what's in my mind...
:(
-h-
4 comments:
I guess it seems like the same stuff to me. Like you said in your first e-mail to him "Nothing ever changes, right?"
Of course, I don't believe that people can't change...I just believe that people don't change until they want to change.
Go do some work to take your mind off it for now.
I'm glad that you had a good vacation and I look forward to your pics!
You probably ARE over-thinking. Maybe he's just looking forward to a party because he's been spending a lot of time alone and didn't see the sun for days. And maybe the "fantastic surprise" is just a book or CD or something that he got for her birthday, and he's just trying to make interesting drama out of his otherwise very un-interesting life. Why don't you just call or email or text him and say, "Hope you have fun at the party...what'd you get her for her birthday?"
Love and hugs, Liu
Yeah, except he didn't get me anything for my birthday!
And speaking of birthdays, I forgot to call you, Liu, b/c yesterday was my travel day! Shit! I'm going to call you right now...
-h
A new year
A new address
A new start perhaps
One constant remains; Narc is still a twat
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