Omens

Well, I spent my very first weekend with black hair, and it was chock full of strange events, all beginning on Thursday night, almost as soon as the dye was rinsed off of my head!

On Thursday afternoon I had lunch with Anxious. It was fairly unremarkable. Then I headed to German after which Hammer and I got some burgers at Johnny Rockets. I was wearing pants that are a size too small (given my recent weight gain), and combined with the burger, the whole thing gave me stomach pains. All I wanted to do was to go home. Hammer and I stopped at a drug store, and I picked up some hair dye. Red-headed Hyde was on her way out! (I know, I know... for all you fans of my red hair, (and that's you, GoldenFinch!) you know that I always go back to it. It's my staple!)

Anyway, after coming home and dying my hair, NextDoorNeighbor and I decided to go for a quick drink at Cheers. He took his knitting along (yes, he's a bit of an odd fellow!). He stationed himself at a table in the back of the bar, and I waited on BarMan to get me a glass of wine. While I was waiting, I noticed a familiar face.

"Hey, Hyde? What's going on?"

It was FourteenthFloorBoy! I don't know if I've ever told the story of FourteenthFloorBoy here on this blog, so before continuing my weekend-narrative, I'll recount a brief version of it now.

The Story of FourteenthFloorBoy:

In late August, Narc and I were going pretty strong. In fact, things got a little intense after we spent pretty much an entire week together. Then, in typical Narc fashion, he disappeared. I had a big exam that I had been studying for all summer, and I when I passed, I texted him and told him about it, even though I hadn't heard from him for a week or so. He replied that he was taking off for the Dominican Republic for a "surprise" vacation. (I later learned that he met some girl online and asked her to the Dominican Republic without ever having met her face to face. They didn't hit it off.) After that, I didn't hear from him for about two weeks.

One September night at Cheers, I met a really cute boy. It turned out that he had just moved into my building into an apartment on the Fourteenth Floor. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up going back to his place with him and some of his friends. They're a crowd of stoners, and we all ended up smoking up together. Slowly the rest of the crew headed home. One thing led to another, and I ended up screwing my new neighbor. I thought he was pretty cool.

About two weeks later, I was out on the West Side with a bunch of people I had just met. I was getting pretty wasted. I got home at around 3:30 am. As I was heading for the elevator, I received a message from FourteenthFloorBoy. He wanted to know if I was awake and if I wanted to come "burn one down." I called him back and said "sure." Now, last summer and into the fall, I was much heavier into my coke-phase, so I stopped at my apartment first and loaded up a bit. Then I brought some downstairs with me, complete with a mirrored tray and fresh razor blades.

That night, I hung out with FourteenthFloorBoy and his roommate for a while, but I was crazy-wired and pretty fucked up from all the alcohol too. Remember, at this point, I hadn't heard from Narc in weeks. At about 5:30 in the morning, I got a call. Yup... it was Narc. I grabbed the phone and we had one of our typical "come fuck me" conversations. I agreed to go down to see him. I think that FourteenthFloorBoy overheard the conversation and found the whole thing rather off-putting. He said that he was "heading to bed," and I didn't really hear from him after that. I think he just wrote me off as some wild coked-up girl.

After that, I bumped into him around the building a few times (notably, the day that B and I went to the Cabaret in February) and he was always super polite and friendly and gracious which makes me think he's an all-around good guy. I did try to pursue things with him for a while back in the fall. I had asked him if he wanted to hang out a few times, but it didn't really pan out.

Back to this weekend:

I've never seen him at Cheers since that initial meeting. So on Thursday when he was just sitting there at the bar, initiating a friendly conversation, I was a little weirded out. I invited him to come join me and NextDoorNeighbor and he did so. He was just drunk enough that he clearly had lost most of his inhibitions. He mentioned that we should make plans sometime. He and NextDoorNeighbor both know how to fence and they said that they were going to arrange some "duel" on the roof and that I could be the judge.

Eventually, he and NextDoorNeighbor both took off. I was left there to sit alone, drink whiskey, looking mysterious with my new raven hair. I talked to some crazy friend of FightingMensch's for a while--some guy who was telling me stories of how he and his friend used to "double team" girls in high school. At one point I was checking my text messages (I have ten trillion of them saved--mostly from Narc), and I don't know what happened, but they all magically erased! What the fuck? New Hyde with new hair and my messages disappear? BarMan said that he loved the hair. I told him it was "kick-ass hair" for a new "kick-ass Hyde" who doesn't take shit from anybody. He laughed.

As if the night could get any stranger, who should walk in at the end of the night? None other than MarriedGuy! I never see that guy at Cheers anymore, yet there he was. He was clearly drunk and came up and tried to kiss me. He invited me back to his place.

"It's not like that anymore," I said.

He left.

So that was my odd Thursday night.

Let's count up the strange events--

1.) I had black hair
2.) I bumped into FourteenthFloorBoy
3.) My texts all erased
4.) I saw MarriedGuy

On Friday I taught all day and gave some student extra help afterwards. When I got home I watched Dr. Phil and bummed around with VJ for a while. Then NextDoorNeighbor and I took off for a party thrown by a classmate of mine. I met Hammer and the Wizard at the party and they had some strange news--they had a "celebrity sighting." Who was the "celebrity?" Narc! They had seen him brooding along the waterfront in his velvet blazer. Very strange. There are a million people here in NY and they see him walking down a random street, not even really near anything!

In any case, we only stayed at the party for a little while before deciding to head to the Corner Bistro for burgers. It was the first time that NextDoorNeighbor and Hammer ever met. NextDoorNeighbor and the Wizard bonded over their shared love of mangos and NextDoorNeighbor's upcoming trip to Mexico City. Hammer and I tried to figure out the tune to her roommate's annoying cellphone ring. After eating, we headed over to Hammer's place where we listened to Jeff Buckley tunes. I was feeling pensive and moody and heartbroken. Even so, it was nice to just hang out with good friends in a relaxed way.

I got back to my neighborhood at around 12:30. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my night, so I stopped by Cheers for a drink, but I just wasn't feeling it. I sat in the back, drinking my whiskey alone and sending off negative vibes. I decided not to stay. I was tired, and mellow and my body was aching for sleep. I came home and crashed at around 3:00 am.

A run up of Friday's strange events:

1.) Hammer and the Wiz had a Narc sighting!
2.) The last time that particular classmate had a party was December 18th. That's the day Narc and I broke up and I happened to be wearing a black wig that day. So I've only been at her parties with black hair and with strange Narc-incidents in the air.
3.) Some guy I was talking to at the the party was a screenwriter just like Narc
4.) NextDoorNeighbor couldn't stop talking about his new job at a corporation that shares Narc's last name.

Yesterday I headed up to a voice lesson in the afternoon before working on a paper and getting a pedicure. (Bright red toenails--yay!) I had plans to meet my friend Jake at around dinner time, but we pushed our plans off until after 9:00. I headed over to Cheers and he met me there. I haven't seen Jake in quiet some time because he's been really busy with school, but he's graduating from law school now, and interviewing for jobs. Jake and I had a fabulous time catching up, but Cheers was virtually empty--probably because IrishBird is still out of town on vacation and she usually runs the show on Saturday nights. I introduced Jake to all of the Cheers characters and we stayed there until just before midnight. Then we decided to head to Manchester so that he could sample one of Maeve's fabulous White Russians.

After just one drink at Manchester, we went across the street to the diner for a plate of chili-cheese fries. Yum! Those totally hit the spot. Jake was getting tired though, and headed home at about 1:30.

I went back to my place to freshen up. The Stallion called me, and for a minute there, we made plans to meet up, but then he said he was tired and was going to head home instead. I wasn't quiet ready to call it a night, so I went back out to Cheers. I kept on drinking pretty hard, but since it was spread out over so many hours, I wasn't yet at blackout stage. I ended up talking to that same dorky guy that I met the night I was there with VJ, and I talked to PumpedUp and FightingMensch for a while too. Some really drunk guy came over and bought me a drink. He told me that he thought I was "beautiful" and that he had met me at Cheers a year ago and couldn't forget me. It was really flattering and put me in a rather excellent mood. He kept asking if he could kiss me, but I said "no." Then he asked if he could kiss me on the cheek. I said "okay" to that one. It was kind of cute. Later, I ended up talking to another guy who owns a company that does voice-overs for Adult Film imports, mostly from Eastern Europe. He was a little sleazy (not to bow to stereotypes, but he really was), and he also tried to kiss me. I said "no," once again and he asked "why not?"

"Well, it's just that I know everyone here," I said.

When he finished his drink, he got up to leave and asked if I wanted to go home with him.

"Um, no."

And that was the end of that.

Even later in the evening, (and by this point it was around 3:30 or 4:00), DateRapeGuy spotted me and made his way over to where I was seated. I hadn't even noticed that he was there, so I was a little startled by his sudden appearance. I tried my best to be cordial by brushing him off politely. He didn't seem to want to get the message. He followed me to my seat and tried to put an arm around me.

"It's been so long!" he said. "I really want to catch up with you!"

Okay, well here comes the new raven-haired kick-ass Hyde. I decided to just "tell it like it is."

"Excuse me?" I began. "Haven't you noticed that I'm trying to avoid conversation with you? That I don't want to talk to you?"

He looked at me confusedly.

"Why? What do you mean? Why don't you want to talk to me?"

"Does a little issue of non-consensual sex ring a bell?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about? We didn't have 'non-consensual' sex," he insisted

"So you don't remember me laying there saying 'no! no!'?" (Damn! I was being very confrontational.)

"No, really! I didn't know you felt that way."

The guy looked like he was going to throw up from anxiety. Good.

"Even if you didn't hear me protesting, which, by the way, I find hard to believe, you're still at fault," I said. "Don't you know that you shouldn't jump on top of a girl who's semi-conscious and coming down off of drugs in a really shitty way? How could I possibly have consented to that?"

He was stunned by my agressive attitude and my frank words. (yay!) But seeing his obnoxious anxious face and hit by his speechlessness, I started to feel a little bad.

"Look, I don't really know you," I said. "I don't know if you were aware of what you were doing or not. But the bottom line is that I experienced that as an attack, and it fucked me up emotionally. I just don't feel like talking to you or seeing you at all, for that matter."

At some point in all of this, DateRapeGuy got distracted by something. I think someone else came up to talk to him. I ran over to BarMan who was counting up the register.

"BarMan, can I talk to you privately for a sec?"

"You don't need to talk to me 'privately," he said. "Just say what you want to say right here. I'm doing register."

"No, really," I leaned into him. "I don't want anyone else to hear. But do you remember what I told you about DateRapeGuy?"

"Oh yeah," he looked up with concern.

"I just don't want him to try to walk out with me...to walk me home or anything. Please, can you please just watch my back and try to not let that situation happen?"

"Why don't you split when he goes to the bathroom?" he suggested.

A few minutes later when DateRapeGuy headed for the restroom, BarMan gave me a heads up. I dashed out the door and back to my place.

Once back at home, I called Narc. (Yeah, I know, new hair doesn't change everything all that fast!) It was already about 4:30 am. To my surprise, he answered!

"Where are you, Narc?" I asked.

"At the Tavern. Wanna come down?"

He gave me the address. I quickly threw my makeup, hair dryer and cell phone charger into a bag and dashed out the door. (Funny, I didn't bring a toothbrush or a change of underwear though. So much for drunk packing!)

When I got to his bar, they were closing up. They let me in and served me a drink even though it was past last call. After all, Narc's a regular there. He was drinking with CouchSleeper.

"Hey, what's up? Long time, no see," I said.

Narc and CouchSleeper both commented on my dark hair, asking why I dyed it black. Well, I was still in truth-telling mode, so I decided to be plain.

"Because I have a fucking broken heart, that's why!" I told them. "And I needed a change. And I'm not going to take anyone's shit anymore."

Narc looked a little embarassed. CouchSleeper tried to make light of it.

"No, I don't believe it!" he said. "This guy? This guy's no heartbreaker."

"He knows," I said, smiling at him. "He knows. He knows everything that's gone down--everything that's been going on here whether or not he's willing to say so."

Later on, I told Narc that Hammer and the Wizard had spotted him on the waterfront. He confirmed that he had been there. I think he felt weird that my friends knew him and recognized him. He works so hard to keep our lives separate.

We left the bar just after 5:00 am. Narc grabbed me on the street and pushed me against a wall and started kissing me. He was being pretty sexually agressive. I think that he works so hard to not want to be with me when he's not drunk that when he is drunk, he just let everything go. I liked it though. It was so much better than the last time I saw him when things were all awkward. This time, it was like everything was raw and stripped away.

I don't remember many details after that. It's like, knowing I was with Narc and that he would get me safely home and that I didn't have to fall asleep alone, my brain shut down and I just let him take the lead. When we got to his place I set my cellphone alarm for 9:00 am. I had promised B to meet him at my apartment at 10:00 the next day to go to Church with him. He was going to be doing a special reading. I plugged the phone into the outlet in Narc's bedroom, and went back into the living room to screw around with Narc.

When I opened my sticky smudged messy eyes in the morning, I was on his couch covered over by a blanket. I think I must have passed out there the night before, and unable to get me into the bedroom, Narc covered me and left me. I went to go check on him in the bedroom and realized what had woken me--the cell phone alarm going off. I layed down next to him and he pulled me close. Soon, I fell back asleep. An hour later I woke up to my phone ringing.

Shit! B!

He was at my apartment door, worried about me that I wasn't answering the bell. I explained that I wasn't home.

"You know, H, you don't have to come to church."

"No, I'll be there. I promised you I'd be there and I will."

"Okay, I'll see you at 11:00 then."

Narc was awake now with an erection, so I didn't manage to get out of the apartment just yet. We fucked for a while and then layed there and talked for a bit. Finally, I insisted that I had to get ready to go. After I was dressed, I sat down on the edge of the bed to kiss him goodbye. I wanted to say something but didn't know what to say. He sensed that the silence was pregnant.

"What? What is it?" he asked.

"Well, I just wanted to-- actually, nevermind."

"No, really! What?" he insisted.

"It's nothing. I was going to just ask when I'll see you, but I already know the answer." (More truth-telling). "I'm going to see you whenever you decide to bless me with your 'precious presence.' We both know I have no agency in this, unless it's to turn you down. So there's really no point in asking."

"C'mon, Hyde. Don't say that." He pulled me in for a kiss. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Soon?"

"Yeah, real soon."

"All, right, whatever Narc..."

I kissed him and left.

Needless to say, I didn't get to the church until 11:40. I had completely missed B's reading; I was still drunk; I looked like shit and smelled like sex. I wanted to cry because I felt like I was being an awful friend to B. It was completely a Jekyll and Hyde moment. I felt the pull.

"Don't apologize for yourself too much!" Hammer had suggested on the phone in the cab ride up.


I tried to remember that.

B was annoyed, and also upset by my bleary and disheveled appearance, but he forgave me pretty quickly. I offered to buy him lunch and after the service we headed towards Second Avenue. On one of the cross-streets, we passed a plaza with a beautiful waterfall. It was simply magical. I absolutely love it! I'm so going to go back there with my laptop and do some work this week. It was almost enough to make me forget the disgusting humidity that was causing my hair to stick to my neck, making my already dirty fingernails even more grimy.

B and I had Chinese for lunch and then I came home. I still felt like shit and before I knew it had collapsed into bed for a nap. I woke up at around 5:00 pm and got in the shower. Then I checked my cell phone. I had a voice mail from Narc.

What the hell?!?!?!

Narc had called to tell me that I had left my cell phone charger there. He said that he was going out at around 6:30 (for a Nine Inch Nails concert) but that I could come by and get it before then. I called back and said I would come by at around 6:00.

When I got to his place, Narc answered the door naked.

"Thank you so much for calling me," I said. "I would just go crazy without my cell phone!"

"No biggie," he said. "It's over there on the counter."

I went to get the charger to put it in my purse. Narc layed down on the couch, still completely naked. It was kind of uncomfortable because I got what I came for, and was standing there awkwardly, but he hadn't invited me to stay. At the same, time, we both knew that I was going to stay. I had to say something.

"Um, I guess I'll hang out here for a few minutes," I said uneasily. I went to sit down at the edge of the couch. He moved his legs a little to make room for me.

We made some small talk and watched whatever movie was on TV. I think it was the tail end of Conan the Barbarian. Before I knew it, Narc was masturbating and we ended up having sex again. At 6:20, he got up.

"I've got to get dressed to meet RockStarChick for the concert," he said. (That's his code name for a friend of his, not mine). "I don't really want to go with her though. It's kind of annoying."

We talked about that for a little while. He came back and sat on the couch and played with my hair. At the very last minute, (6:28 or so), he got up and threw some clothes on. I did the same, and we left the apartment together.

Down on the street, we were both trying to catch a cab. Narc offered me the first one that pulled over.

"No, you take it," I insisted. "You're meeting someone. I'm just headed home."

"Really? Well, okay."

I moved in to give him a kiss goodbye. Again, it was awkward. He almost pulled away from me. It's like once we were out in the daylight and he was going to meet a friend from his "real life," he had trouble being close to me.

"I'll be in touch," he said, ducking into the cab.

I thought it was a strangely formal thing to say. Whatever. Narc is who he fucking is. Nothing I can do or say is ever going to change that.

For the rest of the evening, I vegetated in front of theTV with VJ. Now I'm going to try to get to bed early so that I'm well rested for tomorrow. I'm going to have to try to get through all of the work I neglected today.

It was a strange weekend though. I feel like it was full of strange coincidences. (Or are they omens?) Whatever it is, something strange is in the air...

-superstitious hyde-