Getting in Gear

Things are getting intense!

Things are getting intense--it's the end of the semester and if I don't kick my ass into gear, things are going to start to fall apart. I have been feeling completely out of control, and there's no way to fix things except to grab the reigns and to start from scratch today. I have been eating so awfully and it makes me feel like shit. I need to stop thinking about Narc, because I clearly have no control over that either. Today is going to be day one. I've got to get things in order!

Yesterday I didn't get a call from Narc, but I didn't really expect to. I do know, however, that he checked the email that I sent him FOUR TIMES! So, I'm not crazy. He is hung up on me, or at least conflicted, and that's something, right?

Anyway, after class, I went to a cafe with Hammer, came home, finished up a paper, watched "American Idol," and ended up hanging out with NextDoorNeighbor and Bezoukhoff to celebrate NextDoorNeighbor's new job. Incidentally, the name of the new advertising corporation where he will be working is the same as Narc's last name. Weird, right? I feel like strange things like that happen to me all the time, or else my mind plays tricks on me. The new girl that Narc went on a few dates with is named "Sharon." Yesterday I was in a cab and we passed the Israeli embassy building and I saw a man with a sign outside that said "Sharon has a mandate." It freaked me out because I didn't read it as "Sharon" (Israeli Prime Min.) but rather, as "Sharon (Narc girl) until my mind refocused and I realized my mistake. My brain always does weird things like that.

Anyway, back to last night-- After a few drinks at Fubar (which I recently learned is 1940s soldier-slang for "fucked up beyond all reason") we went back to my place with a few bottles of wine to watch NextDoorNeighbor's bootleg copy of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." It was pretty bad, and NextDoorNeighbor was falling asleep so he took off. Bezoukhoff and I were both swigging out of our own bottles and we each finished one off. After that, we watched "Family Guy," and sang through the first half of the Mozart Requiem. (Poor Bezoukhoff, though--he doesn't read music!) We hung out for a while longer before he went home and I went to bed.

This morning I overslept and had to rush to teaching, putting on my makeup and combing my hair in the cab, almost arriving late. Now I'm back home to freshen up before my voice lesson. I just got off the phone with Hammer who told me that this afternoon they're shooting a Moby video in her building. Pretty cool!

I feel like given my therapy on Tuesday and given all of my bad food choices this week, and given my lack of control over the Narc situation, and given the overwhelming amount of work I have ahead of me in terms of school, I have to make this week about personal responsibility. It's kind of hard for me sometimes. I think that's why I like to watch "Dr. Phil." Sometimes I just wish someone would show up and kick my ass into gear. But I have to do it myself.

That's the goal of the week. I'm running out of time.

This week I will.

PS: The second half of the CBS Elvis movie is on tonight. The guy who plays Elvis in that movie is the same actor who played George in "Vanity Fair." That's the movie I saw with Narc on the only "date" we ever went on. I told Narc at the time that he reminded me of Elvis and Narc laughed. I guess I'm not the only one who thought so. I think that guy was also in "Titus"--an absolutely amazing movie!