The Fait Accompli

I'm sitting in my teaching office right now, having just hung up the phone with Hammer. Both of us are in "blog-mode"-- a very good thing, because she hasn't updated in forever! And I'm sure you all know how it is when you're addicted to blogs and your blogger fails to post anything new!

As for me, I haven't had that much to write over the past few days because I've been dreadfully sick. It seems as if illness has sucked all the drama right out of my life. B thinks that my illness is partially psychosomatic so that I can avoid facing some tough issues that started to surface last week. I'll do him one better-- If I'm psychosomatically sick at all, I don't think it's about hiding from issues, but rather, maybe it's a way of slowing down with the booze and breaking my destructive Hyde-cycle. Whatever. We're both way too "overtherapized." Either way, I continued to feel worse and worse over the weekend, probably reaching a low by Monday night. (I don't know how I made it through German class). I've been in bed every night by 10:00 or so. What happened to my nocturnal ways? I hardly feel like myself anymore!

Yesterday at around 7:30, I stopped in at Cheers for a few minutes just to say hello to IrishBird. She balked when she heard how hoarse I am, sending me straight home to bed. Yes, it's been a week low on Cheers.

That said, it's time for you all to break out into the Hallelujah Chorus because come this evening, I will have successfully completed ONE ENTIRE WEEK sans alcohol! (That's something that I've been unsuccessfully trying to do since I had the flu the second week in January.) Okay, I know, I know... this time the achievement has also been mitigated by illness, but still... It is officially a fait accompli!

Aside from my illness, what's been going on with me? Hmmm... Well, not much.

I told B not to come over on Monday for our 24 night so that he wouldn't get sick, but he came anyway, claiming it was "sweet" of me to be so protective of him. We hardly hung out at all because I fell asleep right after the show, but he stuck around for a while the next morning. He played me his favorite Bruckner symphony and we went for brunch at the coffee shop around the corner. It was perfect-- just like old times. There was no drama, no bullshit whining about Narc, or about his personal "issues" or about our "issues" with each other. Instead, we just talked about religion and philosophy and it felt just like the good old days. (Or at least like my romanticized memory of the good old days. If I force myself to recall, those days were filled with drama and "issues" of their own).

Anyway, after that, I walked to school. The weather was brilliant! I was wearing my corduroy trench coat, the only real "in-between-weather" coat that I have. The beautiful day was made bitter by memory though, as I was reminded of wearing it (and nothing else) down to see Narc last summer. (Momentary sadness.) Hammer gave a presentation in class. I hadn't finished reading the book, so I didn't say much. After class I had to run off to the doctor. I had to have some bloodwork done. I have another bloodwork appointment tomorrow. I hate it because I bruise so easily and always end up looking like a junkie. It sucks to have to teach like that.

Last night, I was exhausted and in desperate need of downtime. However, little of it was to be had. VJ showed up for a surprise visit followed by a ring from NextDoorNeighbor. He had some drama going on--a friend of his is planning a wedding in Honolulu. When NextDoorNeighbor said he couldn't make it, the friend got really upset and wants to end their friendship. NextDoorNeighbor was freaking out and calling everyone he knows to ask their opinion on the issue. I told him I had to leave to pick up something for dinner. I just couldn't deal. On the way back, I spoke to Hammer on the phone. She had her own crisis. She had done some editing work for a magazine back in February and the bitchy woman who hired her told her that there were too many mistakes in the work and that they were going to dock her pay by 2/3! She was really upset. She wanted to go out for a drink and I would have loved to go, except for being sick. She said that she didn't want to knock me "off the wagon" anyway. (She later met up with another friend for drinks and got it out of her system by venting with the Wizard. ;-) ) On the way back into my building, I passed Druggie smoking a cigarette. He gave me a nod. Whatever... I just went home and ate my dinner and watched American Idol and went to sleep.

In other news, it seems like things are working out between Anxious and BulgarianGuy. I got a few texts from her over the weekend (I'm giving you excerpts in which she tells me about things with BulgarianGuy):

Text #1 from Anxious: "BulgarianGuy wants me to live with him, but um... no. ;-)"

My Response: "Wow! Intense."

Her Response: "I tend to have that effect on men...except Scotland. This really intense Lebanese guy on the subway asked me out..."

Text #2 from Anxious: "Am absolutely LOVING job at Lauder. Writing & researching makeup! BulgarianGuy is COOKING ME DINNER. I like being a princess!"

My Response: None.


Anyway, that's pretty much all that's going on with me. I just collected my first load of student term papers to grade, so I'll be tortured with that for a while. I'm still missing Narc a lot. Like I said in my last post, this is the first time that a week has gone by with no contact in either direction. (that is, since the week I spent in Puerto Rico.) I know it's a good thing, because this time it ended on my terms (I suppose), and I sent him the last "goodbye" text, but it's hard not to think about... especially because I haven't been able to go out and distract myself much since last Wednesday.

I expect this weekend to be pretty tame as well. I really don't want a relapse of this sickness and so I need to make sure that I rest enough to get it all out of my system. I have a lot of family stuff coming up in the next few weekends-- Passover, my brother's birthday, a friend's Bridal shower, and then of course, I want to be up to partying for Sunshine's visit at the end of the month. (Oh yeah, and all my school work too...)

I'm starving and need to go get something for lunch now.

Talk to you all later!

-hyde