The Google Fiend and the Broken Heart

Okay, now I'm irrevocably sad.

Heartbreak upon Heartbreak.

I'm a google fiend and found out more than I ever wanted to know about Narc-the-asshole. I've cracked the mystery of his "Roses in Bed Chick." First of all, he completely lied to me when he said that he wasn't really seeing anyone. Apparently, he has been "seeing someone"--that girl Sharon who is pictured on his blog. And apparently he also lied when he said he hasn't slept with anyone "excpet me since me."

(First of all, that's SO sketchy because I had unprotected sex with him this past weekend, on his word. On top of that, he didn't even ask me if I've been "safe," so for all he knows, he could be passing something from me to her... Apparently, he doesn't worry about the issue in general. Slime.)

How do I know he's been dating her? Hyde-the-sleuth found her pseudo-blog. To make matters worse, for her entry on Saturday April 23rd (the day I spent with Narc) she writes:

(and I've substituted my own code names here):

"I was telling a story to Narc last night how while I was at a party the other night I was introduced to my friend's neighbor. So while she was chatting with him, I was left to converse with his female companion, who appeared to be around 19 years old, Eastern European, long blonde hair, and a flawless face. I unknowingly asked her, "Is that your father?" To which the response was in an Alicia Silverstone manner in the movie "Clueless", "Ummmm, nooooooo." Hmmmm, I quickly added up the equation and realized, ohhhhh, ooooops, this man in his mid 40's is her date. Oh, okay, I thought to myself, "So, that's how it is their family."~Edward Roonie from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." As I mentioned a few more details about the man, Narc asks me, "What was his name?" Upon stating the name, he states, "Oh, yes, my ex-girlfriend, Model Chick interviewed with him, and made it to the final round. He hires women to be his personal assistant for 2 years, live with him, and attend events for a handsome salary. At the end of 2 years, he trades her in and hires a new, younger model. WOW!!!! Now, there's a good movie plot for someone out there to write about. "The Arm Candy".

Ok, so she seems pretty stupid, but who gives a shit about the content of her post. The point is that Narc was with her last Friday and later that SAME night called me to hook up. And the very NEXT day told me that he loves me! What the fuck is his problem?!??!

Furthermore, she has her "roses in bed" photos posted on her site with the photo credited to him. Of course she is posed nude in his bed, so bullshit that they didn't sleep together. (Apparently she is some kind of model).

Now I think that Narc is just mean. I don't know how else to take this in. He's just been blatently lying to me--both about seeing someone else and about "loving" me. I don't know why after 10 months, he can't just give me enough respect to be upfront.

It's making me sick. I can't think about anything else right now. I can't focus on my work. I shouldn't have gone digging. I just wish I didn't have this thought in my head.

I can't wait for it to be nightfall.

I never get angry and never want vengeance, (and even feel guilty just thinking like this,) but right now, I wouldn't mind if Narc got what was coming to him.

I want him to feel what I'm feeling.

I've got to do something adventurous tonight. Either that, or black-out.