Family drama has struck once again. There's never been a peaceful relationship between my mother and the mother of my step-siblings (I'll call her Peachy). Peachy and my stepfather have always been on pretty bad terms too. So when she arrived in town to deal with this crisis, I was rather amazed at how well everyone got along, especially in light of the stress and the close quarters. Nothing lasts forever though, and it's clear that the honeymoon is over.
Some basic background--my stepfather left Peachy for my mom, which left her feeling very bitter even though they apparently had a pretty miserable marriage. The two of them are peaceable now, but it's thinly veiling a lot of bad blood and they're prone to get into arguments very easily. He got together with my mom and we met the kids when his kids were 2 (that's my stepbrother), 6 and 11 (my two stepsisters--I'll call the older one Jewel and the younger one Toots). (I was 12 at the time I met my stepsiblings, but met my stepfather a few years earlier). Peachy is a born-again Christian and told her kids that my mom was the devil. It made the already difficult transition of divorce even harder for them.
Anyway, the years went by and the relationship between my mom and Peachy remained antagonistic. For the most part, they weren't in contact, but there were always certain monetary/parenting issues that would involve all three parents, in which case, they would have to come together on things.
About seven years ago or so, she met someone online and wanted to get married and move to Ohio. They had some stipulation in their divorce agreement that she couldn't take the kids out of state. My mom is an attorney and specializes in family law, so she clearly had the upper hand in the legal debate. One evening, Peachy was over at our house and the three parents were fighting about this issue, trying to come to some agreeable terms, and she actually threw a punch and hit my mother! It was awful--straight out of Jerry Springer.
Peachy ended up getting married, but staying in NY and visiting her Ohio husband as much as possible. My stepbrother was a freshman and sophmore in high school for those years and he really didn't get along well with his mother. He started acting out a lot and skipping school and partying way too much. Clearly, it was a bad situation. One day, she announced that she was picking up and leaving and going to Ohio, and said that he could just go live with his father. That's how my stepbrother ended up living with my parents for the past two years. She moved off to Ohio, and that was that.
So when this accident happened, and she came back to NY, we all wondered how it would be, with all of us together all of the time. She is obviously going to be living in NY for the forseeable future, and right now is staying with Jewel in the house where she used to live with my stepfather. (Toots is away at school in Connecticut). Up until now, everyone has pretty much gotten along. It's clear that we all love my stepbrother and that we all want the same thing. Also, as much as she cant' stand my mom, she knows that my mom is really smart, has a lot of friends who are or who have connections to very good doctors, and that my mom is financially contributing to my stepbrother's care in a major way. So she hasn't cut my mom out of things at all. Instead, who got the brunt of her wrath? My little sister...
LilSis is in law school right now, and her school happens to be very close to where my stepbrother is in long-term care. Also, her boyfriend (JBC) lives right near there. Because of that, she's been visiting pretty much every day. She stops in for an hour or two here and there, mostly because it helps her to be able to pay the visit. Jewel has also been there visiting pretty much every day. The difference is that Jewel dropped school and quit her job in order to be able to do so. My mom was concerned about her, and suggested that she start to put her life back together and not be at the hospital every day, but instead, to pick back up with her own stuff for her own psychological well being.
So my little sister was visiting this afternoon, and she and Peachy were the only ones there. Their mother told LilSis that she "really didn't have to be there all the time," saying it in a way that made LilSis really uncomfortable. So of course, my sister called my mom and reported back as soon as she left. My mom said to cut Peachy some slack because of the pressure she's under with her son in such awful condition.
Later that evening, my mom told LilSis to meet her back at the hospital on her way home. When my mom and LilSis walked in together, Peachy said accusingly: "what, you again? I told you, you didn't need to be here all the time!"
Well, that was it-- my mom wasn't going to have any of that.
Peachy's reason for the comment? She claimed that my mom told Jewel not to be there every day, but since it was okay for LilSis to be there every day, it seemed to her as if my mom were trying to foster some kind of competition with her kids coming out as the more attentive siblings. That is just ridiculous! Jewel was there listening to this argument and apparently didn't say anything. My mom pointed out that she told Jewel to "take it easy" for Jewel's benefit.
"Can you honestly say that you don't want LilSis to be here because you're worried about her welfare?" My mom asked. "Is that what this is about?"
The fight escalated until everyone was yelling at each other. Ultimately my mom told Peachy "you take care of your kids and I'll make the rules for mine."
And as for my stepbrother?
"You don't own him!" my mom said. "Other people love him, and you don't have a right to have him for yourself."
I just hope that my stepfather doesn't catch wind of this latest round. It's the last thing he needs. I wonder what kind of ripple effects this will have. At least the fight took place in the waiting room and not in earshot of my stepbrother.
I feel bad for LilSis now, because if I were her, I'd feel really uncomfortable going to visit by myself, in fear that I'd bump into Peachy. My mom, being the stubborn lady that she is, told me that she's personally going to make sure that LilSis is there every day this week. Peachy can be quite a tyrant, and you according to my mom, you know what they say...
If you give them an inch...
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