Forced Downtime

Finally able to blog again! I've been trying to write something since last night, but something was going wrong with the website.

Anyway, I'm completely wiped out from this week (emotionally and physically)--so much so that I'm home sick today. I'm a little worried because I'm missing my Friday classes which are double periods, and it's going to be hell to catch up, but I just couldn't do it. I woke up early this morning, prepared to go teach, but almost fainted and ended up back in bed sweating and with a fever. I tried to go to bed early last night, but NextDoorNeighbor woke me up by ringing my bell. He was drunk and laughing and fell on the floor telling me "this is what drunk-NextDoorNeighbor is like." I told him that he's not all that different from "stoned-NextDoorNeighbor." Once, back in the fall, I passed out in the hallway of my building outside my apartment's door and NextDoorNeighbor and the neighbor on my other side had to physically drag me into the apartment. NextDoorNeighbor told me he wanted a "reinactment" and that I should drag him in to my apartment. I tried to comply, and it was quite a scene. It would have been much funnier if I wasn't so tired and cranky at the time.

In terms of the emotional stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if my "illness" were somewhat related. I feel a little steadier than the last time I wrote and after therapy, but there's a lot that I have to work out that's only just starting to surface.

In other news, the guy from the deli called me today to ask me out for Saturday. I didn't pick up the phone. I feel bad brushing him off, but I kind of want to just clear the air in terms of guys and not see anyone for a while... I just can't deal with any new complications. Things are muddled enough already. So, no Narc, no Stallion and no random new ones to come in and complicate the picture. At least for a week or two. Still, I can't help but wonder if Narc's going to call me again.

I don't know... I just feel like I'm one enormous chaos-generator, and that I need for things to calm down. That's what my body is clearly telling me.

Hammer wants me to go see a play with her tonight--Rousseau's Narcisse. Like the title? It's at some small experimental theater. I agreed to go, and I'm just hoping that I'll be feeling well enough by tonight. I just woke up from a nap and my head is killing me. I'm all stuffed up.

Nothing like forced "downtime," is there?

-weary hyde-