Okay, well so far I've given you the "two guys" portion of the story. Now back to basics--more on Narc.
After I had ushered Druggie out of my house, everything seemed so suddenly silent. The click of the door closing was sharper than ever. The chain lock latch slid into place, the latching sound echoing. Ughh... I couldn't help it, but damn him! Narc quietly crept back into my thoughts. He takes a class on Thursday nights and he and his friends always go out partying afterwards. I just knew he was going to call me in the middle of the night. I felt it.
So being a good girl, I shut the ringers on both of my phones and lo and behold, when I awoke, I had a 5:00 am voice mail from his highness. So, first I'll give you a transcript of what he said, and then I'll give you my translation. The Narcissit decoded!
His message:
"Hey 'Hyde, it's 'Narc.' It's uh....Thursday slash Friday morning. It's like ass-early. It must be like 5:00 in the morning on Friday. I haven't left the apartment in quite a few days and uh... I just popped out for the first time tonight and um... I guess I just came back. Um.... Yeah...
I just wanted to um... I dont' know. I felt like we um... kind of left things on kind of an ambiguous note last time and I didn't want to make you think that um... you know, you felt like I was.... like I was just, you know.... dropping you like that. I just wanted to make clear with this message that you're still a part of my life. I'm just sorry that I'm, um... writing a lot and all that. I may go away for days or like a week or you know, a week and a half at a time to figure things out. But you're teaching. I guess you're doing your thing too. Um.... That's pretty much it. (nervous laughter) I don't really have much to say. Um... I wish to death you were awake and up right now and we could talk about this in person, but you're not. Um... So I 'm just going to, I don' t know... wish you luck in your teaching and um... Just call me back whenever you get this and we'll figure things out. Allright. Bye."
And now for the translation (B says I get an A+ on this one!):
Hey 'Hyde,' it's 'Narc.' You should be grateful I'm calling you even though it's 5:00 am and I've basically ignored you for two weeks (except to call you drunk in the middle of the night). Why? Because I haven't had any free time or even left my house until now and look! I'm calling you right away at my earliest convenience! Aren't you grateful? Anyway, I'm scared that I drove you away with the shitty way I acted, so I need to make it clear before it's too late that you can't go away yet. I want you back because I'm not done using you for my Narcissistic Supply. Basically I'm not done using you at all just yet. I just wanted to make it clear with this message that you still need to be here at my beckon call. I know that I'm not at your beckon call and that I disappear for days or a week or a week and a half at a time, and that I torture you all the time, but since you have a job and weren't there for me the instant I required you (the other night when you wouldn't come fuck me on demand) I'm not going to feel guily for being a dick and disappearing without a word. (Interestingly enough, while he claims to disappear because he "has to write," here he slips up and acknowledges that it's really because he has to "figure things out," as in, he can't handle the way I make him feel).
That's pretty much it. I'll pretend to want to "talk this out" when really I just wish you were awake so you could come fuck me because it's my whim to see you right now . Just call me back whenever you get this and we can arrange for you to come down here and vulnerably try to explain your feelings. Then I can dodge the issue, make you forget what you were going to say by confusing things with a lot more sex, and things can go on forever like they've been.
Allright. Bye.
Ahh, Narc.... My sweet, predictable Narc! When is this all going to end? All I know is that I've got to do everything I can not to call him back today, that's for sure. I'm off to meet Hammer in a little while and then I need to park my ass at home tonight. Sorry Israeli kid--just can't be at Cheers tonight. Too risky... Narc has to feel this burn for a while. I'm not trying to be vindictive, it's just that it takes a lot to upset me...I mean, I can take a whole lot of abuse from guys. But seven months on this merry-go-round is wearing thin.
Whatever...I'm starving right now...haven't eaten all day. Time to forget about Narc and go get a bite.
Later!
2 comments:
As an ignorant guy, can I ask why you put up with a "whole lot" of abuse from anyone? Is Narc a celebrity or something? What's the point of a relationship if it's truly abusive?
Good question Dan. The problem is, to answer it in any meaningful way would require going into way too much personal history...way more than I have the energy to do right now anyway. While Narc is surely not a celebrity, he is certain that he will soon become one. He's an aspiring film director/writer who plans to outdo Kubrick in film and become the next Nietzsche or Jung. Did I tell you he founded his own religion? Narcissitic, n'est pas? Anyway, I think part of it is that I'm an "inverted narcissist" myself. (At least according to my latest misguided attempt at internet self-help!) While procrastinating the other day, I found this site: http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html
If you really have nothing to do, you can read all about my most recent self-diagnosis. Thanks for the concern, happy reading and have a great superbowl weekend!
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