The Stuff of Life

I'm not really in the mood to write, but I figured I'd give you all a brief update, so I don't entirely disappear.

I'm feeling much better this week than last. That phone call with Narc on Friday did me a world of good. We finally grieved together what we had between us and the fact that life has now changed. We just don't work together without alcohol and we both know it. The fact that he acknowledged something lost is enough for me... for now.

I made a friend in my new group--Meema. On Saturday night I went to a meeting with her. She invited me to go with her to her home group tonight and so I agreed. I think it's good for me to have someone more "neutral" than Brick to get me to meetings...

I had a pretty good weekend. On Thursday night I saw TT. (No romance there, but I think he's still hoping...) On Friday I went to my first new "relapse prevention" group which seems okay. Brick bumped into my sister that day in Madison Square Park. Later on in the day I had therapy. That night, I went to Chinatown with NDN for dinner. He looked fabulous and it was a lot of fun. At around midnight, Brick came over (he had been out picking up his sister's car and then getting her from the airport in NJ) and we stayed up talking. He had a lot on his mind. I feel like after last week's quarrels, Brick and I are back to normal and communicating better.

On Saturday morning, I left Brick at my house because I had to go to the hospital. My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have one breast removed. She is doing well, except that they found what may be lymphoma, and I really don't want to think about that right now. My mom was there at the hospital, and after that we went out for lunch. She bought me a new bag-- a beautiful brown leather purse! She also gave me a book about the first year of sobriety. I've been reading it, and have thus far found it very helpful. From there I headed home to "mosey" before heading to the meeting with Meema.

When I got out of the meeting, Meema and I went to a diner. Then I had a message from Brick to meet him at a party on the Upper East Side with MMJr. There was a lot of drama that ensued, but I'll save that story for another day. Brick and I didn't get to bed that night until after 3:00 or 4:00.

On Sunday we headed to my parents place on Long Island to lay around by the pool. I hadn't seen my stepbrother in quite some time. BigSis, Bro-in-Law, JBC, my grandpa, Bro-in-Law's parents and my parents were all there. It was a relaxing afternoon, and my stepfather barbecued, but it was very hot out.

That night, after we arrived back in the city, Brick headed off for a date, while I came back home. Unfortunately, his date didn't show up (later explaining that he had "fallen asleep") and so Brick came back up to my place. I fell asleep early, but Brick came into my bedroom, waking me with the "Good Morning, Dorothy" song at 2:00 am. (Dorothy is not my name, mind you, but he likes to sing that song to me). Anyway, wrested from my slumber, we once again stayed up late talking.

Brick had some bad dreams in the night, and woke me up to tell me about them. The next day, Monday, I woke up thinking of Narc. My neck was stiff. Sometimes, when I sleep with him, my neck gets stiff, as he's barrel shaped, and I try to sleep on his chest. Yesterday I woke up and cried. But Brick held my hand, and I stopped the tears. "Move a muscle, change a thought," as they say. I decided to make some major changes in my house.

Brick and I set to work. We tore down the Christmas lights, arranged and rearranged paintings, cleaned, and got my broken air conditioner fixed. In the meantime, Brick got some really wonderful news. He has an interview with the talent coordinator for a major cable channel about possibly getting a job "on-air." I'm very psyched for him!!! We parted ways in the afternoon because I had to go to therapy. It was a very interesting session for me, but too personal to write about here.

When I got home, I still had the "moving" bug in me. I rearranged my entire bedroom, lugging the bed and heavy bookshelves across the room all by myself. It looks so much bigger and lighter now. And I'm proud, looking at it, that I accomplished something nice. It's a new room for a new me.

Last night I had plans to meet Dan for dinner. He came over at around 8:45 and finally got to meet Brick, who was busy cooking some chicken. I showed him the changes in my apartment and then we set off to eat at a local Turkish restaurant that neither of us had tried before.

The restaurant was beautiful and it was really nice to see Dan again. I've hardly seen him this summer and he hasn't been blogging. It's strange to know everything that is happening in someone's life, and then to suddenly know very little and have to hear about it "the old fashioned way"-- in person! Dan and I really bonded last summer, but both of our lives have changed so dramatically since then. For some reason, when I see him, because I associate him so strongly with last summer and everything that I was going through then, I really feel it.

After dinner we walked back to my place to hang out and chat. Brick had gone up to see MMJr. and wasn't planning on returning until around 11:30. It was a nice time. I always enjoy chatting with Dan. He's been pretty busy this summer, but I told him, I still want to try to get in another Circle Line cruise!

After he left, I started to not feel great. I went to lay down on my bed, but just felt worse and worse. I had the chills and the sweats, and my limbs felt like jelly. I felt like I had to throw up and couldn't. I missed Narc... rather, aspects of my life with Narc... I missed being able to numb everything. And so, alone in my bed, I started to cry a little. Shortly after, Brick came home. He asked me to look for a Con Ed bill so he could get the number to call and pay his bill. I got up to help him, but felt flushed and dizzy. My stomach was worse.

"Brick, I'm really not feeling good," I said.

I went to sit down in the bathroom and started coughing. Before I knew it, I was throwing up. I wobbled back to bed.

Suddenly, it was infinitely worse. I was sweating profusely. I was so dizzy I couldn't see straight. It was food poisoning. Brick thought I should go to the hospital. We called my mom. I ended up vomiting a bit more, and then started to feel better. I lay there limply for about half an hour, and then slowly began to return to normal. Brick was doing sit ups on my floor. He got into bed to go to sleep, but his whole body was sore from his intense work outs lately. I suggested Bengay. So, we climbed out of bed, headed into the bathroom and I helped him slather himself in the stuff. Both of us had watering eyes, as we headed back to bed. I couldn't sleep very well with the furniture rearranged, so I was up most of the night. But then again, what else is new?

Anyway, that's it for now... I'll come back with the MMJr. party story later.

Hope you're all well!

h