Here's a brief update (because I'm too tired to write more):
- The fly paper is up and although it's disgusting, it's catching flies. There are little fly suicides happening all the time, and I don't have to actually squash anything. (Although, as Hammer and I laughed about last night, I am a "collaborator." Just when you thought the Holocaust metaphors had come to an end...)
-Yesterday morning I got to qualify at the AA meeting at my out-patient place. I have to say-- I did a great job and everyone told me so. It was incredibly meaningful to me to have people relate to me like that. Normally I feel so disconnected. It was strange to realize that I don't have to be that way.
-Yesterday during group I was daydreaming and I had a sexual fantasy about someone other than Narc. (It's only worth noting because it's the first time that's happened in a really, REALLY long time!!!)
- Last night I had a lovely dinner with Hammer who was working on a very interesting paper that may lead to a dissertation topic for her.
-Last night Brick and Lucy slept in my bed. (Poor Mr. Rochester was exiled to the living room!)
-I went to a CoDA meeting this morning. Interesting... I have a lot more to say about this, but I want to think it through first.
- I met with my sponsor today after my home group meeting and I felt a little more comfortable with her... It takes me a long time, but I'm working hard at warming up.
- Tomorrow afternoon I'm going out to see BigSis. She has to have a minor surgery and needs someone to stay with her for the afternoon. Bro-in-Law has tickets to the Mets game and will be away from her bedside for a few hours.
And that's about it for the moment. I need to do the laundry and I don't know when I'm going to have time to do it. I plan to sleep over at my mom's house tomorrow night. On Saturday I may (or may not) go to a "sober" picnic with some people from my out-patient program. And on Sunday? I get to see B again! Yay!!!
I'm tired. It's been an emotionally exhausting week. Mentally and spiritually, I'm trying so hard to let go of Narc, but something in me is still clutching so tightly. Like I said-- it's exhausting.
-h-
7 comments:
I don't what shocks me more - Lucy in your bed or someone else in your imagination.
Narc situation aside, you're doing great Hyde! Congratulations on qualifying for the first time; I know that's not easy, but you've done it. Have fun if you go to the picnic. :0)
I don't know about the picnic either...but I think it's fantastic that you're going to so many meetings.
Excellent work, keep it up.
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I just had a very interesting image about the Narc situation that may be helpful in being gentle with yourself and recognizing the progress you've made.
You have been clinging to Narc so hard for so long that your fists are clenched very tightly. It's going to take a long time for you to learn to relax those fists. Kind of kooky, I suppose. But it just popped into my head.
Smacking him in the head with a clenched fist might release a little tension too.....
Nearly a week since you have been around... I hope you are well.
Let us know for sure.
So who was your fantasy lover?
It was me, wasn't it?!
;-)
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