Phish Food

Something is seriously wrong with my brain and I don't know what it is. I'm not feeling right today. I just ran out to the deli and bought a pint of Phish Food. A spoonful helped, but I still feel crazy. I really want to drink... not just have a drink, but I want to go out and get a little wild. But I won't.

I've been in bed all day today. I watched Crash on TV and last night I watched Match Point. I couldn't sleep last night at all. I lay in bed composing Christmas cards to Narc, figuring that by then I'll allow myself to write him something nice... I'm obsessing. And I'm losing my fucking mind.

Anyway, I never finished writing about last weekend. At that noontime AA meeting, Brick passed out. He was standing next to me against the back wall and the next thing I knew, he had crumpled onto the floor. His eyes rolled back and I screamed his name. They had to stop the meeting. The speaker asked if there was a "doctor in the house."

"Call 911!" someone else shouted.

I ended up riding to the emergency room with him in the ambulance. Some other guy from the meeting came with us. I thought that guy was annoying, but Brick knows him from the meetings. Anyway, Brick checked out okay and so we went for lunch after that. Then I took Brick home. He wanted to take a nap. I wanted to leave, but he asked me to stick around. He made plans for a date that night before nodding off to sleep. So I lay next to him in the bed for an hour before I decided to head back home. Before I left I sent him a text:

Went home to shower, etc. Took your brown converse sneakers. Call me if you need me/ to check in. Love you!

Back at my place, Narc and I were in touch over text. He asked if I wanted to come down and watch Lady in the Water. I told him that I could come after 8:00. I didn't end up getting down there until it was closer to 9:00. In the meanwhile, Brick had woken up and called me. He told me that he cancelled his date and wanted to hang out. He was upset when he heard that I was going to Narc's.

"I'll call you when I'm out of there," I promised.

I felt strange approaching Narc's building. There was a new doorman.

You know what... I'm not up for writing this story right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I need to get away from the computer all of a sudden.

I'll be back later...

-h-